Is it abusive and harmful to allow an 18 month old to just cry it out for over 1/2 hour when he wakes at nigh?

Answer 1

I never believed in letting my kids "cry it out" as so many recommend and seem to think is ok. It always makes me a little sick to my stomach when I hear people proudly tell me how they managed to let their child cry for whatever length of time at night. They often say the child cried for less time and eventually stopped. Sure, they stopped. Nobody came for them. They learned that, even when they did their best to let you know something is not right, that no one would come. My kids are some of the most secure people you would ever want to meet. They know, no matter what, we are there for them. They were never your typical teens - mine talk TOO much to us, love to go places with us, are physically demonstrative of their love by hugs and kisses and "I love you's". They learned this by our being there EVERY TIME they let us know there was something wrong in their world from the day they were born. Unconditional love is a reality.

Sometimes all it took was patting them on the back and talking to them but we always acknowledged their night terrors. Even very little children can be upset when things change in their lives and it can carry over to their sleep.

The person who mentioned a routine is completely correct, too. All of my children had the same routine: warm bath, healthy snack, cuddling while reading a book, singing a song or two before tucking them in. They learned this routine so that, by the time I got to the song, they would be yawning as it calmed them down and let them know everything was right in their world.

I know there are varying schools of thought on this but it just never made sense to me that letting a child cry their heart out alone at night was a good thing. Yeah, it is tiring, yeah, it can be irritating, yeah, it can feel like it is endless but it really isn't. They become secure and they grow out of it and all of a sudden that stage is past. Do you want to feel proud of yourself that you managed to get past the negative feelings and be there for your child whatever the reason or happy that you were able to lie there in your bed while your child cried for whatever reason?

Good luck. I know how hard those sleepless nights are whether you get up or let your child cry. Either way, you are awake. Try to nap if you can when your child does, get some exercise to help with the stress, and make sure you do some relaxing activities so you don't get too nuts from fatigue.

Answer 2

No, it is not harmful unless you know the child is sick, etc. But if the child is just resistant to sleep, it is important to allow the child to learn to fall asleep on his own. Please don't let people tell you that your baby will have self esteem problems because you let him cry, after all, he may cry because he doesn't want to wear a seatbelt or because he wants to play with a lamp cord and I'm sure no one would tell you to let him have his way. My daughter has had so many sleep issues but I stuck to a bedtime routine and I let her cry it out for sometimes over 30 minutes, too and she is a very happy, confident little girl who now sleeps through the night (she is 18 months old). If your child is always waking in the middle of the night crying, it is likely a sign that he is not well rested so try putting him down to sleep a half hour earlier to see if that helps.
Good luck!

Answer 3

I'm assuming that you are trying to get the toddler to sleep through the night. If this is the case, crying is not the worst thing. Its really up to you, you are the parent, you know your child. If you want to hold them when they cry, do so, if not, then don't. But here are some tips.

Routines are key with children at this age. About two hours or so before bed time, is the best time to start. First only play "quiet" games with the child. Don't get them all hyper and excited, this will only make getting to bed harder. Many parents think they need to play with there kids, and tire them out, but this is best done earlier in the day. Try giving them a bath about a half hour before bed. Then read stories, watch a movie, basically anything quiet. Once there in bed, if they get back up, go in, lay them back down, give them a kiss, then walk away. Alot of times they are just trying to play games and see what you will do. Believe it or not, learning to fall asleep on your own is a learned behavior. If they continue to cry, go in a few times, do what I suggested before, then walk away.

You need to learn your childs cries though. If they seem like they are just trying to get attention, its best to ignore it. Well not completly, but don't pick them up and cuddle them. If the crying lasts for more then 20-30 minutes, then chances are something is wrong. Go in and try changing there diaper, make sure they are not running a fever, you could even give them a bottle.

Just stick with it. If after a few weeks you are still having problems, chances are something could be wrong. Maybe they are napping too long during the day, and simply aren't tired. Maybe in the afternoons you could try playing alot with them so they do tire out. Diet could be an issue too. Try to limit sugar, and caffine, this could be keeping your little one up. If you alter all this, and you still have problems, try taking your kid to the dr. Though its probably nothing, they could have a health issue that is keeping them up.

Answer 4

No it is not abusive to let an 18 month old cry when he/she wakes at night but it is your job as a parent to make sure that if it continues to just take a peek and see if everything is ok he/she could sometimes just be in need of a diper changing but you know your child .

Answer 5

nope not at all. my bro and sis-in-law have a 9 month old who will wake up and cry at night, and they used to just run in right away and hold him. the doctor even told him that they need to just let him cry sometimes, that going in there CONSTANTLY everytime he makes a noise isn't good. because now he won't sleep through the night. he said as long as it isn't for over an hour it is perfectly find. so i would say that is fine since yours is 18 months old, and the doctor advised him of that and hes only 9 months.

Answer 6

As long as he doesn't need anything like diaper changed or anything like that let him cry. When my daughter was around 18 months she would wake up crying and I could never figure out why but I ended up giving her a little milk to drink from her sippy cup and she went right back to sleep. But like I said as long as his needs are taken care of it's ok to let him cry. It is not child abuse!! Good Luck!

Answer 7

No.....as long as nothing is wrong. They just may want to go and sleep with the parents. I don't believe it's abuse or harmful....nothing wrong with letting them cry....it'll work out their lungs. They'll drift off to sleep. Just remember, you are the parent....you are the boss, and you have to put your foot down every now and then. Kids won't like it, and they'll cry. It seems these days that children don't know the word "NO". Keep on keeping on. Best of luck to you.

Answer 8

YES IT IS! Babies, until they learn to talk and communicate in words communicate by crying. They hurt or are hungry or are afraid or are cold. Letting them cry for so long only lets them know they CANNOT TRUST YOU, THEIR PARENT.

It is winter, he may have had a bad dream, is cold and wet, needs a bottle. Change him get him dry and warm, get him a warm drink and rock him to sleep and put him to bed.

DO NOT INSTILL LACK OF TRUST. For him to love and trust you , you must do what it takes to show love and prove you can be trusted.

These are the methods that I used on my children and now on Grandchildren and they have worked very successfully. My children and grandchildren know they can always trust and depend on me.

Answer 9

No...I learned that the hard way. My husband and I used to run and check in our daughter every time she cried at night. I couldn't stand her crying and felt bad every time she does so when she did it at night I would always pick her up. She got so used to it that that we ended up having a hard time with her not sleeping all night. I finally said that's it and let her cry it out. She was already 2 years old when she was finally able to sleep on her own all night. My mother-in-law constantly told us we needed to let her cry it out but I thought it was cruel. I should've listened to her..then we wouldn't have had such a hard time.

Answer 10

Dr Sears was on Oprah. he said if you let a baby cry it out long enough everyday it will eventually harm the brain because of lack of oxygen. i personally never let any of my babies cry it out. my boy-8 months-cries horribly at night if he has even the slightest bit of milk in his system. plus, cuddle them now while they're young, before they hit the teens.