what do you think....please help?

Question

I am a english girl and i have a partner of 4 years from afghanistan, I have a 6 month old daughter with him and a 4 year old son from a relationship before, and he want use all to move to afghanistan where his family live, he said if i love him then i sould go with him, I dont know what i should do is it safe for use there would i be treated nicely, The thing is his mother knows about us but his father does not i am living in england and i dont know what to do, If i did not like it out there would they let me come back with my children,

AND WHAT IS THE BEST WAY TO LEARN THE LAUNGUAGE IS THERE ANYWHERE ON THE INTERNET THAT I COULD LEARN. THE LAUNGAGE IS DARI BECAUSE WHEN AND IF I GO I WOULD LIKE TO KNOW WHAT THEY ARE SAYING ABOUT ME

Answer 1

You need to do some in-depth research on Afghanistan before you make this very important decision. Speak to people who have lived in Afghanistan, read books, and do Internet research. Then when you have all the facts, if you still can't make up your mind about it, lay the facts before people you trust and ask their opinions.

Answer 2

Hello! friend I suggest u that if u want to enter his life it is your responsibility that u must confirm that all the family members of the guy not only about u but about ur children two only if he said that his mother knows about u then I think u don't take any step first u tell him that all ur relatives and even family member knows u talk to u even for the first time they all visit u then u come to him if u do don't do that then I tell u frankly that u and ur children's future is definately in darkness because a man who not able to open his mouth infront of his father how can he is able to protect u from other people because u enter into a new environment and even u meet with new people and u only one man and trust on him that is ur lover so take care and always make enquiry before starting a new life

Answer 3

Interesting situation, but this happens a lot when you get married with a person from outta country and from a different culture!! and its true that you wont be able to understand what they'll be saying about you!! And if you really think you wont be able to do good in afghan... then better convince him to stay there in England, or else prepare urself mentally that you are going to see a totally diff world out there. and let me tell you honestly its gonnna be almost impossible if you get in afghan and wants to come back, bcz once married in Muslim family, they dont leave you just like that....and specially when u have a kid from ur marriage!!
So think smart here and think where your future lies..
take care..and all the very best.
Deeps

Answer 4

I would only go if he married me. If I would have been in your position, I would have first waited for a few years until your son is old enough to live in a residential school and then make arrangements for both the children to live in my homeland, out of any danger. Until then, I would go and visit his parents ALONE, entrusting my children to a close friend/relative or caretaker, so that I have the satisfaction of having them in safe hands at least. I would also make sure that if something happens to me, they are looked after well. These visits whould be short and will give me an idea of the environment and culture there and how I and my children are going to be treated there. It will also give me a chance to learn the language. I will try to convince my bf/husband that these visits will help me to mould myself better and give me sometime to prepare myself for the BIG CHANGE in my life. I will try to understand the people out there and mentally prepare myself to fit between them. Once you are sure, you may take your children too for the short visits first and then only consider about permanently moving to another country. Take a close friend/relative into confidence, so that he/she can be in touch with you, enquire about you occasionally and in case any problem arises, can enlist help for you.

Answer 5

Think of the children!!! Afghanistan is not a stable country to raise a family in. Stay in England. He needs to put you first. You and the kids are now his family. It's time to leave his parents behind (of course they can always visit). You have a "red" flag-No man can use the "if you love me you would go" line. That translates into: I'm going to make you feel guilty as hell to come back to my country and I don't really care what you think about it. Don't go for the safety of your children.

Answer 6

You know, where I grw up, in the United Arab Emirates, there were several cases of English/American women marrying arabs and then fighting tooth and nail for divorce and custody of the child when they realised one thing - people change when they reach their homeland. I advise you to be very careful in your decision. Once you go, chances of you being allowed to leave with your children are pretty slim, considering you have nobody in your corner to fight for you in a new land which is strange for you. Personally, I'd say no - don't go and stay where you are. Afghanistan still is in unrest, even if the media has tired of it. If you need to talk about contact me directly.

Answer 7

Do Not Go. Afghanistan is very very diffent from England. I do not believe woman have many rights there. You are not married to him. Please as hard as it may be, send this man packing by himself. I know being alone raising children is difficult, but believe me, putting yourself and your children around strangers, in a different country, not knowing the launage, will be much much much more difficult. You have got to stand as tall as you can and pretend to be brave even if you aren't. The only sure thing you have right not is your children. I am afraid that if you go with him you may loose that.

Answer 8

Ok.. i watched a movie about a woman just like you.. its called "not without my daughter" its a true story.. its about how a lady was married to her muslim husband and he made her move back there.. well he endede up beating her when she did something.. she tried to leave but her husband wouldnt let her.. in that country men have full control over women.. and if u try to leave.. ur husband gets the children.. so don't go if u want ur children.. and watch the movie.. its really good

Answer 9

Stay were you are...and for Heaven's sake GET YOUR TUBES TIED! You have had enough children out of wedlock! Is this partner of yours Muslim? Are you? Can you live under the rules they lay down? If you are living with is family, you might loose what freedoms you have. Dump this guy, get your act together and raise your children to have more sense than you have exhibited.

Answer 10

u should stay where u are...i mean afghanistan is not a safe country anymore..think at ur children, it's a zone of war, why should they pay 4 that? if he loves u and his children he will understand that life in england is more safer...