when i get depressed i cut myself. this time it has been because of a boy shall i stay away from him?

Question

a boy i really like makes me depressed and i don't know why. but he makes me cut myself. shall i stay away from him altogether as friends and what not because he is causing me pain and i dont want to tell him or it will freak him out. he just makes me get really depressed and feel unwanted.

Answer 1

Though you don't say exactly what he says or does or how he behaves that drives you to cutting, you need to realize a whole bunch of things about your situation and yourself. Understand that no matter what he does/says or how he behaves, ultimately he is not the one making you cut/hurt yourself. It is YOU doing this to YOU based on:

--YOUR emotional and social development and maturity,

--YOUR perceptions of where your life begins and ends vs. where HIS life begins and ends

After a certain point, this is, again, all about YOU doing this to YOU. And, at this point, you need to just leave him out of the equation. You must face yourself, yiour behavior/responses, and your emotions. Understand how they cross certain lines of reasonable and acceptable:

--Behavior,

--Response--to external stressors (him, him not responding to you in the way that you'd like/want him to. This still, in the end, makes even this all about YOU.

--Responses to internal stressors (YOU)

In a phrase, what makes YOU do this to YOU? What do YOU need to do about YOU?

To stay away from him--and to what degree possible away from anyone or anything else that sends you over the edge--is a good beginning until you learn more about yourself and YOUR "issues" and how you are ready to face them, overcome them, take responsibility for them.

Ulitmately, again, this is your stuff, so don't put it off on him. Ultimately, you control you, your feelings, your reactions, your emotions--not him. You have to own this from top to bottom, from start to finish.

Now if, in any way, another person is being clearly and objectively abusive, cruel, or punitive towards you, then I'd say you've got a problem where that other person is very much the cause of your depression. Hands down, no doubts about it, and they ought to be lined up against a firing wall and shot for so mistreating a fellow human being and bc they are overwhelmingly responsible for your mental health imbalance. Otherwise, know this: Cutting, even under these circumstances, is NOT EVER an appropriate or reasonable response either. I don't care how mean or cruel that person was being to you. It's just not.


With that said, it would still be up to you to limit contact with that person or situation whenever, however possible. That's still YOUR responsibillity. Keeping yourself safe will always remain YOUR responsibility.

In sum. he's not the one "making [YOU] depressed. You do that, and pretty much all by your lonesome. Doesn't matter whether or how you "think" and/or "feel" your way into depression and further into cutting.

The bottom line remains that you may have a genetic/hormonal imbalance that is easily triggered and needs treatment. Then go get it.

It may be that YOU decide somewhere in your mind and/or emotions that if you can't get/have your way in some aspect of your life (read, conflict in interactions or relationship with others), then you're going to get depressed over it and harm yourself. Realize that you need some medication, therapy, and/or counseling. Go get it.

It is not at all unusual for people to have more than one therapist they work with at a time. It is not all that unusual if they have one therapist then they work with/see that therapist more than once a week. GO!

And, you must know that people who cut and can't seem to bring it under some minimal measure of control, whether that's through self-will, self-control, therapy, medication, they do get hospitalized--and with good reason.

Instead, make a determined effort to change your attitude, your behavior, your UNDERSTANDING of him, of yourself, of your "situations".

Cutting simply it is what it is: Your stuff, your depression, your self-harm.

You have to own this from top to bottom, from start to finish.

Get busy. Stay busy. Honey, you got work to do.

Answer 2

STOP CUTTING YOURSELF! You are saying by harming yourself that you are not worthy of love and that he is worthy of your life. That is NOT true. You are a jewel. No boy/man is worth your life. Do you think that he is cutting on himself, or ever will or ever has over a breaken relationship with a girl? I think not, too! Selfish people dont care about unself people. Try to make better choices when it comes to guys, but never blame yourself it things dont work out. Hurt, pain, tears, self-examination, confusion and the whole nine yards are just a part of the dating world. Be strong, be a survivor and know your worth and walk with your head held high. Some people has given you sick answers to this problem, so dont dare listen to them. They dont care about you any more than that EX-jerk that ditched you. Please stop cutting and start loving yourself. Set your focus on making a good life for yourself and dont rush into another relationship until you really feel it is right. And if the dices dont roll your way again, dont get discouraged and start hurting yourself again. Just use each failed relationship as a stepping stone of wisdom and strength to something better ahead. Later, you will be able to help someone else who may feel the same way you once did. I remember the pain of several broken relationship and the emotional pain was like someone had died. But after a few weeks, I decided that I was the better for it and I moved on with life with my head up high. I now have the sweetest man (spouse) ever! All my past relationships were just stepping stones, girlfriend!




Love Yourself First and You Will be LOVED!!****

Answer 3

I'm a cutter too and all I can advise you to do is try and stay away from this lad. However you are likely to run into him from time to time so I would have a strategy in mind for when it happens, this could be anything from an elastic band around your wrist and when you feel like cutting, snap it (by pulling it and letting go) against your wrist to melting an ice cube in your hand.

Sometimes this helps me, although there are always times when cutting has to happen, be prepared for this and to deal with it by having the things needed to deal with it if it does happen.

Answer 4

Dear Roni,
I totaly understand. I have depression and i also cut. I have been in ur sitt. also. You need to first of all find out why he makes you feel unwanted. second are you on meds if not that will help. im on cymbalt and it helps me soooo.... much! Third if those dont help stay away from him for a little while. get some air it will help. Good luck and if you ever wanna write me i would love to help.
[e-mail]

Answer 5

Try to stay away from the boy if he is causing you to hurt yourself. This cutting is probably more than just a boy but I am not a professional. PLEASE TALK to someone. Talk to a counselor or teacher at school. There are also lincensed professionals in your community to help deal with this problem. Here is also a web site you can check out.

S.A.F.E. Alternatives
Offers educational and treatment resources for people struggling with self-injury.
http://www.selfinjury.com

Answer 6

The same thing has happened to me before (minus the cutting) I REALLY liked this boy. He was nice to me and everything, but he made me miserable, and he never did anything mean to me. I would be soo depressed, and I didnt know why. I later thought that it might of been because I liked him so much, I focused on his life and not mine, and I envied everything that he had. Eventually I got over it, but if I were you, I would talk to someone. Hope I could help.

Answer 7

-i think that if your letting a boy control thoughts and actions mybe you should not be around him if he makes you depressed why would you hurt yourself? life is such a presious thing dont let one boy take that away from you and your family,what does he do to make you depressed? people shuoldent feel unwanted around their friends no matter what!!! inless they cut you down all the time ,if thats the case he's not a good friend to be around find other people to hang around then.**** that loser if he makes you feel like that . there are a milloin people in this world and EVERYONE is BEAUTIFUL including you!!!move on with your life not take it away.

Answer 8

Stay away from him FOR NOW. I suggest talking to your GP, who can refer you for counselling. This is a very common problem, sometimes people hurt themselves to cope with something (or even the lack of something, if they feel numb from depression) on the inside, and you need to work this through.
if you can understand how you feel, and what actually it is in your head that switches on the need to hurt yourself, then you can work out for yourself if you need to stay away from certain people or situations, or if you can just fuind other ways of dealing with the urge to cut yourself.
it's really important to get some help to learn other coping strategies, as, although you have this one, it's really much too dangerous.

Answer 9

Definately stay away from this boy, or, tell him how you feel (The result couldn't be that bad). But if you don't feel confident enough to tell him, just stay away from him, ignore his comments, and blank him. You must not halm yourself, as he is not worth it if he doesn't respect you =)

If you can't stop, tell someone how you feel, it doesn't have to be a family member/friend, but it could be a doctor, who can get you help. Most importantly, it must be someone you trust.

Good luck xx

Answer 10

U can't give what u don't have,He is just helping u throw out the depression inside u


A man goes to a shop, picks up a beautiful cup and says "my god this cup is so beautiful" and suddenly the cup starts talking to the man. The cup starts saying "O man, I am beautiful right now, but what was the state of my being before the pot-maker made me a beautiful pot?

Before I was sheer mud and the pot-maker pulled me out of the mud from the mother earth and I felt why that pot-maker is so cruel, he has separated me from mother earth. I felt a tremendous pain. And the pot-maker said, "Just wait." Then he put me and churned me, when I was churned I felt so giddy, so painful, so stressful, I asked the pot-maker "Why are you so cruel?" the pot-maker said, "Just wait." Then he put me into a oven and heated me up, I felt completely burnt. There was tremendous pain and I asked the pot-maker "Why are you so cruel?" and the pot-maker said, "Just wait."

Then he poured hot paint on me and I felt the fume and the pain, I again asked the pot-maker "Why are you so cruel?" and the pot-maker said, "Just wait." Then again he put me into an oven and heated it to make me more strong, I felt life is so painful hence pleaded the pot-maker and the pot-maker said, "Just wait." And after that the pot-maker took me to the mirror and said, "Now look at yourself". And surprisingly I found myself so beautiful.

When god gives us lot of trouble, it appears god is very cruel but we need patience and we have to wait. When bad things happen to good people, they become better and not bitter.

So all difficulties are part of a cosmic design to make us really beautiful. We need patience, we need understanding, we need the commitment to go through in a very calm and wise way. So all difficulties are not to tumble us but to humble us.

With this understanding, let us not be against difficulty. Understand difficulty is a part of a purifying process. A purifying process at present which we cannot understand and hence we need faith and we need trust.

Let us understand how to handle stress with this background. You can be affected by stress from two angles. There is an internal stress and there is an external stress. Nobody can avoid stress; one has to only manage stress. Managing stress can be internal and also external.

The internal stress is; your thoughts can create stress, your values can create stress, and your beliefs can create stress, meaning thereby your stress is coming from your mind more from the outer world. Many people suffer not from heart attack - they suffer from thought-attack.

For example, when somebody says you are an idiot, we get so hurt, we get so victimised. My boss has called me an idiot and I am feeling tremendous pain. Now where does this stress come from? If my boss has called me an idiot, I have to ask myself "am I an idiot"?

If I am an idiot nothing to be upset about; and if I am not an idiot, then also nothing to be upset about! It is the perception of the boss. But why do we suffer from that stress? I suffer not because my boss has called me an idiot but because of the thought-attack.

I may say the boss has called me an idiot; therefore I am suffering? It is true that the words are unpleasant. But what hurts is the interpretation of the unpleasant word. The thought in me interprets. That is pain and therefore it becomes pain. Much of our stress is our mind interpreting it as pain. So we suffer from thought-attack more than heart attack.