should i forgive this abusvie mother who continue to ruin my life or should i cut her out?

Question

my mom was abusive physcailly and emotionally for the first 18 years of my life, then she becomes just verbally abusive till now (physcially she is weaker now), i've moved out since i was 22, she never apologize for anything she did, last time i saw her she compares me to my sister openly, she also said things like 'you are not very beautiful you know?' , 'if your boyfriend is not sick, he would never go out with you, coz you are ugly', or 'you are not very smart', i am 28 got my own place, a great job, i have a very happy life until i have to interact with her, should i forgive her and make up with her knowing that she will ruin me, or should i not forgive her and carry on with my happy life without her? is forgiving somebody who never repent a good thing?

Answer 1

throughout your entire life your own mother has given you nothing but negative feedback, she has treated you differently than anyone else, like she hates you, i think she's jealous of you....mine is the same...everything i do is wrong in her eyes, she has betrayed me and my son so many times, which i will never forgive her for, we don't talk, we don't interact, if i see her, i walk past like she's a total stranger, she does the same, we have had numerous fights, one time was physical, she hates me for some reason but i don't know why, it''s up to you to forgive your mother, i will never forgive mine.....but if you can handle any more of her evil spite then forgive her, or stay away and get someone positive in your life, your mum sounds like mine....

Answer 2

First of all, I am so sorry that you have to go through this. If you can live with cutting her out of your life than maybe do it, easier said then done though. Have you told her how you feel, maybe you should tell her that she is hurting you very much and one more outburst could terminate your relationship. I don't know about your mothers past...maybe she was in the same situation you are and thus this is all she knows. Personally i couldn't live with myself if i completely severded all ties with my mother, especially if she died ( I would feel so bad). I think you should remain in her life, but do talk to her about how you feel, even if she seems not to care...kill her with kindness, she may not know how to react. You seem like a very strong and intelligent woman, just remember that and never succum to her cowardly insecurities. Also, from the bottom of your heart try to forgive her but never forget...don't repeat the cycle!

Answer 3

You don't need such pain. Just because she is your Mother (or any relative for that matter) does not give them the right to tear you down. You do not have to forgive her at all. Family is supposed to be nurturing, positive, and healthy for one's self-esteem and growth. You don't need this in your life for the balance. Move On!

Here are 2 GREAT Books that I recommend you to read. They are both authored by Susan Forward.

#1 - "Toxic Parents" : This book will let you know you are not alone and how not to let such dysfunctional and mean spirited parents destroy your life.

#2 - "Emotional Blackmail" - This book is equally as good but is not resigned to Parents alone, but, helps teach you to avoid unhealthy interactions and relationships with anyone that wishes you to feel bad.

There is no use you feeling bad any longer, and my heart goes out to you. You are nobody's emotional punching bag, and I hope you go and find true happiness and that your self-esteem rises as you put those that wish to make you feel bad about whom you are behind in your dust.

Answer 4

You are a grown woman and you do not need a mother or anyone else like that in your life. Your mother is just trying to bring you down to her level and make you feel the way she does - until she gets help and is truly sorry for the way she has treated you for most of your life I would not even give her another minute of your time - good luck

Answer 5

I would cut her out of your life she is only giving you a load of grief and stress. You do not need her giving you verbal abuse all the time it is hard enough to keep cheerful and happy without someone who is supposed to be your mother bringing you down. I feel you will be a lot happier without her and you should not feel any guilt you have given her long enough to change her ways. Good luck to you, you do not deserve this kind of a mother.

Answer 6

You might consider the middle ground. I'm not sure you have to choose between "forgiving" your mother, or "cutting her out." Her behavior is unpardonable, and I'm sorry you had to withstand that. But you sound like you are a strong person in spite of her. You wouldn't necessarily have to cut her out of your life, either. You could make a call once every week or two just to say "how are you" and if she starts in you can say, "I have to go, Mom. bye."

Answer 7

She needs help or she's just downright bad. Tell her she is not to make contact with you until she feels she is able not to verbally critiscise you. In this way your door is open, no pangs of guilt, 'the ball is in her court' Best wishes and I add you sound a great person and I just hope your boyfriend appreciates you much more than your mother.

Answer 8

Your love for her as a person does not mean you have to be physically close to her.
All love IMO is self centered as you are gaining satisfaction for yourself-however love is an unknown quantity -do u remember any good times with your Mutha? How is your relationship with your sister? Have you read the book "A child called IT?"
1s heart rules 1s head. My Mutha even when she was 70 and riddled with cancer-too weak to lift a piece of paper-had a venom that could reduce people to tears-the only solace was that she had severe pain for the rest of her short lived life-a small chalice to grasp and drink from..........kick F uck out of her ;)

Answer 9

a million - New account so forgive me if i imagine you're a troll it truly is regrettably what occurs the following plenty. 2 - You damage on the interior so that you opt for to damage on the exterior so your soreness is transferred. you imagine that the emotional soreness is merely too a lot so if that is going to grow to be actual soreness that is going to eliminate different emotional soreness, It would not. It merely makes you seem on the cuts and scars and it makes you imagine you're valueless. Then it restarts all yet back. believe me i have been there you're 17 properly i'm 23 been there finished that lived by it and survived. merely so i know you at the on the spot are not a troll heavily e mail me at my address you'll discover once you click unto my avatar i supplies you extreme advice in case you fairly opt for it. i know the position you're at and a thanks to assist.

Answer 10

Your mother is a very sick individual, by the sound of things you say that she says to you.She is to be pitied not hated.If i were you i would get on with my happy life without her, by keeping in touch with her you are only letting her drag you down to her level.If you HAVE to keep in touch do so only very occasionally(like on mums day) when and where you choose to do so, then when you've left her forget about her till next time you have to meet her.Don't let her get to you, you are worth more than that!