Will I be able to date again?

Question

My best friend is a male. We haven't known each other long, but we are very close and well-connected. We do almost everything together, and he already includes me in his future plans. However, we have said that we are definitely just friends.

It's fine by me that I have such a close male friend, but having him makes the idea of me becoming close to another guy seem awkward. I am not sure if it's because I am attracted to him, or because I feel like I would replace his role in my life by having a boyfriend. After all, it seems obvious that, in some manner, we want to spend the rest of our lives together; why, then, should I be with someone else?

He already sleeps over whenever possible. He says he wants us to do our grad studies together, and that I am going to be in the front row at his wedding; why shouldn't I be the one walking down the aisle?

What should I do to ease my concerns about looking for a boyfriend? Or should I do anything?

Answer 1

You have strong feelings for him; not just as a friend. Talk to him about it. You can't mess things up any worse with talking to him, than if you just go and get an actual boyfriend.

Answer 2

Oh girl, you need to get out & date!! What are you waiting for? It sounds like you definately feel an attraction to your best friend, but that he only wants you in a platonic sort of way. I think it's possible that he IS attracted to you, but you both seem to feel so comfortable with each other that it is easier to be "just friends" because you can behave like boyfriend & girlfriend w/out all the romantic relationship tangles & risks that go along with being boyfriend/girlfriend. I think you both might need to go out & date others so that you can see if you are missing out on a chance of happiness with someone else. If you do everything together, then even if either of you DO find someone else who is interested, that person will think you two are an item & will be scared away.

I think you guys should commit to dating other people & curtailing your time together. Remain good friends & have the commitment to always be there for each other. After you date other people, your own feelings (yours AND his) toward each other will become more clear & you can have a better idea of how you can define your relationship. The worst that can happen is that one of you will find someone & the other of you will feel let down, but you will always remain good friends. Then again, you can each find someone & still remain good friends. Then the best thing that can happen is that you can both decide that you have romantic feelings for each other & you can change the direction of your relationship. What better thing is there, than to be in love with your best friend? Would that all relationships could be that way. You will never know however, until you both cut back on your time together & start spending time with other people.

Answer 3

I have actually been in a situation like the one you're in now. The first thing I had to do was evaluate my feelings toward my friend. Did I like him as a friend or did I desire more. After I realized that I actually desired more then what he was willing to give, I taught myself how to push those feelings aside. I would still hang with him and everything but I wouldn't do anything that could possibly be mistaken as a date. I wouldn't let him cuddle with me anymore. And when he stayed over at my house he slept on the couch. And actually getting a boyfriend (a good boyfriend) made it easier to accept the fact that all he wanted was a friendship. To this day we are still the best of friends... we double date and everything and it's not an awkward feeling at all. So maybe you can try some of the things I did!

Answer 4

It's always best to talk it out. As it seems, your friend is very close to you, in which case, it can't hurt to talk to him about how you feel. Do you feel like you're falling in love with him? Because if you are, then he has to know that the two of you are getting to close for you to be comfortable as friends. You have to clear all your questions up with HIM first, instead of asking the internet (since its obviously an inanimate object... or is it?). Be sure not to dump your feelings on him, or else you might freak him out. Then maybe you'll feel more in place searching for someone new. Because (unless you want to be alone, with only a friend for the rest of your life) you need to get looking. You seem like a nice person, being so considerate of a friend's feeling, so I'm sure there are lots of people out there looking for someone that just may be YOU.

Answer 5

Tell him how you feel...

say, "You know (X) I was thinking maybe we shouldn't be just friends anymore, I was thinking we should move it to the next level" and just tell him about everything you talked about in this question

Answer 6

Wake up girl.
you in love with him.
you don't want to find a bf, because you feel it will hurt him, and be cheating.
get honest with yourself.
Seems to me by reading your question, you have the answers your looking for, just come to terms with it.

Answer 7

He has the best of both world with you, have all the companionship and all the sex he wants. I believe you are in for a real awakening.

Answer 8

i think you're already in love with him, so why not ask him out? I know you guys are just "friends," but to me, it feels so much more than that.

Answer 9

Ok move on then he make clear just friendship....dating againg life goes on yes you wil be dating againg if thats is what you want

Answer 10

it seems that you want something more than just friendship with him. if your good friends try talking and see what happens. if your friendship is that strong it shouldn't be that weird to try something out.