How do I give my dog away without traumatizing my 12 yr old son?

Question

I have a 3 yr old cattle dog who is fear aggresive and bites strangers. I already have a claim on my homeowners ins. I'm (very, very) afraid next time might mean I lose my ins, there could be a lawsuit and worst of all, she is taken to be destroyed. I've tried pro help, but it became too expensive. I found a couple who lives on a ranch willing to adopt and rehab her. I know it's the best thing for her. She would be happy living on a ranch doing things she was meant to do. But how do I do give her away? My son was very upset when we talked about it.

Answer 1

All of the first 3 answers above are awful. I was the 12 year old in a similiar situation. My dog kept running away and getting into fight with other dogs. My mom and I discussed it, and I was very upset like your son was. The best thing to do is have him meet the nice people who are offereing her a happy life. Take him to the place where the dog will be and show him what a great place it will be for her. Working dogs are happiest working. Giving the dog away really is the best and safest thing to do for all involved. He will be very upset for a while, but you just have to do it. Don't get a new dog right away, but another dog might be the way to go later on. Include your son in this process. Hopefully he'll see and understand that he is doing the right thing. Good luck and I am sorry for your situation. It really is a tough one.

Answer 2

Tell your son what you have told us. He's 12 years old and he can handle this. Thinking you can protect your child from every bump in life is not in his best interest. We grow from adversity and this could really be something he can use. Life is not easy and the younger he learns that the better he will adapt to bigger challenges he comes to. He will have to face many tough situations much worse than giving a sick dog a better life. If he hasn't already, he'll have to bury grandparents and at some time he'll have to bury you. I have a friend who's husband just had to bury the parent who smoothed over every thing he's had to face in life, mostly with money. He is way too overcome by grief and is probably going to lose his whole career if he can't pull out of it. If Mommy has always made everything all shiny and good, what happens when Mommy isn't there any more? Well, you have to face things that you should have faced at 12 years old. He never even had to find a job on his own. Mom made a huge donation to the college where he got his first position and another when he was supposed to get tenure and it was kind of iffy that he would. She paid to self publish a book he wrote and gave them all way to be placed in libraries when it became obvious they wouldn't sell. Is that the kind of man you want to raise? No, I know you don't. You know, so many people end up in exactly the situation you are in. Dogs in the working class and many breeds in the hunting class don't make good household companions. Been there done that!! If you want a big dog, English and Irish Setters are usually very calm but still have a lot of energy that has to be burned up. There is a difference between soft mouthed and hard mouthed dogs. Some just don't think of biting as a first response and other do. Our local shelter euthenizes chihuahuas because of the bite risk. Tiny dogs who bite first and think last. That's why I would recommend a soft mouth setter for a family pet. I know this is going to be a very tough time in your home but your son can grow from it. You are in my prayers.

Answer 3

Wow, you're right everything that has been going on in his life is part of this. But also, he's hitting puberty, which is causing these changes as well. Is it possible for him to spend time with his father? If not, find a male role model (I don't think a new boyfriend would help lol....but try an uncle). Make sure that you understand he needs his space and ask if there's anything you can do to fix your relationship, even if it is just backing off for a while. Now as for the behavior issues, he is 12, not 18, so if you don't want him associating with the other boy, don't let him. See if he wants to sign up for a sport or something to get him involved in something with a new crowd. Some family counseling might help as well!

Answer 4

At 12 years old, he should be able to understand the reasons for having to put the dog in a new home. It will still not be easy - for you or him - but sending your dog to a place where someone is willing to rehab him is much better than having to put the dog down because he bites someone else.
Tell your son that what you are doing is the best thing for everyone.
If your situation allows, discuss the possibility of getting another dog when this one is gone. If you do get another one, take it to puppy classes and for walks in public areas to make sure it is well socialized. This will help prevent fear aggression from developing in the new dog.
If you do not have time for classes or walks with the dog, you might want to consider a lower maintenance pet.

Answer 5

I've been the kid that had his dog given away. It's not easy. Take the time, if you haven't already, to explain to him why you have to do this and why it is the best thing for your family and for the dog. Approach it in a gentle way, but be sure to let him know that this is what HAS to be done and that there really isn't a choice. Or, let him know that the other choice is to have the dog put down.

Once you have let it be known that the dog is leaving, you might consider other options to lessen the "trauma"--perhaps offering to get him a puppy or something. But, don't let him make you feel guilty into doing anything that you don't want to do.

Don't forget that your son is 12--he is old enough to listen to and understand a reasoned argument. He might be hurt by this, but he's not really going to be traumatized.

Answer 6

It doesn't matter how you put it or what you say, he IS going to be sad. But giving your dog to a couple who lives on a ranch is the BEST option for the dog, as cattle dogs were bred to live on a ranch. They are working dogs, not meant for suburban living. Explain this to your son. Explain that she is becoming aggressive to strangers, and you don't want her to injure someone else. And she will be very happy living on a Ranch with lots of room to run. I think lying to him, telling him she ran away, or someone stole her is wrong. He deserves to know the truth about what happened to his dog. But you ARE making the best decision for the dog. Just break it to him easy, but you really can't prevent him from getting sad about it. Maybe in a while you can find a new dog that better suits your living arrangement. Just be sure to do a lot of research on the dog, and pick the very best one for your life style so this doesn't happen again. Good Luck!!

When you are ready to find a new dog, this is a very good website:
http://dogbreedinfo.com/index.htm

Answer 7

We used to have a cattle dog also. He wasn't very big and would tear our Rottweiler up. We had lil ones so he wasnt allowed in the house and when he tore up our Rotties face one day that was it. We also gave him to a rancher in our area. I hate to say this but maybe letting him know that he can help pick out another dog would help. We had told our 8 yr old that, even though we had reservations that it would teach him that 'ok, so if it is bad ditch it and replace it'. But he didn't. He is older now and loves the new dog very much. LOL, we told the four yr old that the dog had fallen in love and was moving to get married and be with his wife, lol. I had recently had a neice move out and get married so he got the concept. But the older one was not falling for it, lol.
I think honesty is best. Just let your son know that it is for everyones best interest. If the dog stays, he could be hurt or the dog could be put down. This way the dog can go and be happy and live a long life. Ask him if he would like to research another breed of dog with you and go online and research other breeds. That way he might see that every breed has a purpose and so you need a family oriented dog. Oddly, Rotties are actually German cattle dogs. But they are very family oriented so it worked out for us. We had him for 11 years before he passed on without one aggressive action in all his life. But boy! This other cattle dog we had - blue heeler- was just plain mean! We have a lab now and we love him dearly - we have even seen him be aggresive with other dogs and strangers. After he passes we will be getting another Rottie, lol. It helped my 8yr old at the time to read what each breed was made for. It made him feel like he was an active part in preventing having to go through this again and gave him a lil sense of control since he felt like he had no control over loosing the other dog.
I really hope this helps. It is hard, I know. My kids were younger and the oldest isnt 12 yet so I hope that it goes well for your family. I hope the best for you. Good Luck!


As a side note: Arranging visits is a bad idea. We took in a Rottie from this family. They were at our vets having their two dogs put down because they had lost their house and one was really old and had just been put down and the other was a two yr old Rottie and the mom was just saying goodbye. They were just getting ready to take him in when I showed up with my Rott for a visit. The lady hadnt tried to find a home for the Rot cause she was worried the dog would be abused because of his breed. My Rott loved him so I offered to take him in until they could get on their feet and take him back. 8 months later the mom said they wouldn't be able to take him back and asked if her 13 yr old could visit him. That lasted for only a couple weeks as it was tearing the girl apart. It just prolonged the inevitable. These people that you have found to take your dog might be accomodating to visits but only for a lil while so sooner or later your son will have to break it off. In my experience, this girl was devestated every time she left our house. She was happy for about two seconds and then cried the rest of the time because she missed him. We gave the dog to my sister who still has him after 5 yrs.
And for the woman who mentioned a rat for a pet - AMEN sister! They are great pets, believe it or not. Their cage can get a lil stinky but are really clean and don't bite like a hampster. They are cool, lol.
Again, best of luck to you!!

Answer 8

You are going to get some bad advice. I would not advise telling your son she died or ran away (especially not if there's even the slightest chance you might wanter her back after she's been fostered ro he might see these people).

Tell him how happy she will be with all the room and how good it will be for her. Paint it like a doggy college or a boarding school where she will be happy and not get in trouble anymore. (Try not to make it sound like a punishment). Talk to the 'foster-parents' and see if you can arrange for your son to visit her occasionally. Tell him that this is the best thing for her.

It's going to be hard and somewhat traumatic no matter how well it goes. Let him talk to you about his concerns. He may be angry with you for a while too.

I hope it goes well.

Answer 9

I definitely agree that lying would be a terrible idea.

Instead of getting a new puppy, consider another pet. Then you wouldn't have to worry about your insurance. And your son wouldn't get angry with you for trying to replace his dog with another one.

Rats make wonderful pets for kids. They are interactive, sturdy, and easy to take care of. It is possible to train them to do tricks. What 12 year old boy wouldn't want a rat? The thrill of having something different and cool might help ease the pain.

Also, congrats for finding a wonderful home for your aggressive dog. That is no easy feat. Most aggressive dogs are euthnanized.

Answer 10

Just sit down and explain to your son that even though it is hard to let the dog go it is much much better for the dog to let her go to a new home, and maybe see if you can arrange visitation with the new family. I do not think that lying is the best option at all.