step parents responsibility paying for wedding??? WHAT TO DO!!!!?

Question

my parents passed away over 2 years ago, i was engaged last easter and am in the midst of planning my wedding. my brother and i didnt get anything from my parents estates' when they passed, whre i probably should have. i asked my stepmom(who has no kids) to help with the wedding she offered 10k, which i was happy about. i also asked my stepdad, he has 2 daughters over 40, he told me over the phone and i thought he said 22k, i was more than extatic..i recently sent him and email regarding having to pay taxes on gifts more than 5k, he wrote back and said i would have to worry about it cause the 2k he is giving me wont be an issue.i was floored, 2k??? is that an insult or what?? he also has not given me my mothers china or lennox which she had been keeping for me. this guy is still working where my stepmom retired. he makes a pretty penny. he has done nothing good for my bro and i since my mom passed, its like he disowned us. his older daughter is MOH, and granddaughter is jr BM

my fiancee said i should throw out his daughter and grandaughter from my wedding party....he thinks 2k is an insult, mainly cause hes been such a jerk to my bro and i since my mom died..

I AM ONLY ASKING FOR HOW MY PARENTS WOULD HAVE WANTED THINGS, HE IS BEING SELFISH....HE IS NOT CARING HOW MY MOM WOULD HAVE DONE THIS....HE DIDNT DO ANYTHING THE WAY SHE WANTED....HE DIDNT EVEN HAVE A FUNERAL FOR HER, AND HE CREMATED HER...NEITHER SHE WOULD HAVE WANTED.

I AM NOT SAYING ANYTHING BAD ABOUT MY STEPMOM, ITS MY STEPDAD

WE ARE BOTH VERY INDEPENDANT, I PAID FOR ALL MY COLLEGE....AND WE HAVE A HOUSE FOR ALMOST A YEAR....I AM NOT UNGRATEFUL, I JUST WANT WHAT MY PARENTS WOULD HAVE WANTED ME TO HAVE....ITS NOT MY FAULT THEY ARE DEAD, I HAVE SUFFERED ENOUGH......I JUST DONT KNOW IF I SHOULD TELL THE GIRLS THEY CANNOT BE IN THE WEDDING ANYMORE OR NOT???

NOT SURE WHERE ALL OF YOU GOT MARRIED FOR 1000 OR 2000 BUT YOU ARE LUCKY, I AM IN NY METRO AREA AND THINGS ARE A BIT MORE EXPENSIVE HERE....I DONT UNDERSTAND WHY I CANT GET REAL ADVICE AND NOT BE CRITISIZED LIKE YOU KNOW ME.

Answer 1

I am sorry for the hurt and pain you clearly feel in your situation. It must be awful and difficult to be getting married with both of your parents gone. From your posts it sounds like you have a lot of unresolved issues with your step-dad from the way he acted when your mom died and after. Some people just don't deal well with death and other difficult situations. Maybe he was so in love with your mother that her death has simply made him shut down. There is no way to make things happen now the way they would have happened had your parents been alive. That is the sad truth.

I think the most important thing is for you to feel that you have acted in the best, most appropriate way. You should feel proud of how you acted regardless of how others have acted. To that end you should say "thank you" to both step-parents. You should include them in a place of honor at the wedding and reception - as your own parents would have wanted. You should keep all the other relatives in the wedding - they have nothing to do with the money issue.

What you need to see is that many if not most brides are disappointed or upset at the lack of money available for their wedding. Many thought their parents would have unlimited budgets and they could plan their dream wedding. The reality in most families is MUCH different. Most people have to make due with what they have. You have $12,000 plus whatever you and your fiancee decide is important to spend on the wedding. You are $12,000 up over most couples these days. Congrats on getting married and good luck with all your plans. Just remember - when you look back on your wedding you want to know that you did everything you could to make it a happy day for all.

Good luck.

Answer 2

What I think is and insult is the 2 of you, How much did you stepparents inverted on you? House, food, education, etc. From my point of view you are ungrateful person. The first time I got married I paid me wedding with my ex-wife, we made a loan of 2k and the wedding came perfect, my mother, my mother in law and my aunt helped me a lot, but the most satisfactory was that we, my ex and I did all the monetary things without bothering any one, perhaps that we got cash from gifts that people gave us and you come to tell that you 2 can't marry with 12k, come on, grow up already, money don't grow up in trees and even if your step parents are wealthy, is their money and you should be satisfied with whatever they want to give you. So is time for you and your future husband to learn that things in life aren't easy and that the best ones most be achieve by our own efforts and I think wedding is one of them. So is time to show how independent the 2 of you are and how ready you are for a new step in your lives.

Now these 2 girls will pay your selfishness, that's good, Why do you care so much for something you didn't work for? How do you know your mother wanted you to have a 1 million dollar wedding? For sure she wanted you married with a good man not taking care about the total of the wedding. Forget it, if your step father took it, let him keep it, he'll pay some how some day, there's nothing without pay back, some how some day he'll regreted.

And if you are the independent you said, show it.

May be because these are the real advices. If you live in a expensive area, drive a little outside of that area or use the internet or tv shopping.

You asked for something and we answered you with the reality.

Answer 3

Firstly, neither the parents or step parents of a bride are required to pay for her wedding. Secondly, you should be happy that he (or your stepmother) offered to foot any of the bill at all, given that he (and she) didn't have to.

Check out the saying about looking a gift horse in the mouth.

Additional: Of course you're not saying anything bad about your stepmother. She is, after all, giving you five times as much as your stepfather. And you didn't misunderstand her when she originally offered the 10k. With your stepfather you thought he had offered 20k more than he had, and probably had made plans to spend that 20k as well. Finding out he actually said 2k instead of 22k must have been disappointing to say the least, but it isn't his fault. You not being clear on the amount of his gift is your fault entirely. And I suggest you examine the meaning of the word "gift".

People are giving you real advice, even if it's mixed in with the criticism. You either don't like it because it is in your disfavour, or the advice you are looking for is how to go about extorting more money from your stepfather, which nobody is telling you how to do. Too bad.

Both of my parents are dead, too. There's a lot that I didn't get from them upon their deaths. My stepmother got nearly everything. Oh well. That's just the way it is sometimes. Accept it.

Answer 4

Did this just happen overnight or have you had cold feet for a while? Bc if it's more recent... Maybe you should really talk to your (ex) fiancee and see where your problems lay... Working things out is the first thing... If this has been done, and is not working, then, good for you for listening to your gut!! Yes, it took a little longer to face it, after everything has been ordered, etc. But, your family and friends should be supporting you. I think your mother has it right... To call and see if there is any way to get anything back... If you explained your story, they may be lenient. As for the trip to Europe... Who paid for it? If you both paid for it, sure... But, maybe you should go your separate ways when you are in Europe, and arrange for a roll-a-bed, for you or your fiancee to sleep in, opposed to sharing a bed. I say this because... Going on a honeymoon trip, with all the sparks and glam, two "friends" might rekindle their magic... Which is great!! But, if you called off the wedding once, what makes you think you won't do it again? But, I would try to see if a girlfriend can tag along, and have her pay your fiancee... Or vice versa.... Keep your head up. And good luck.

Answer 5

When my husband and I got married we had two kids and were living on less than 15000 dollars a year. Not one member of our family contributed a penny towards our wedding. We worked hard together to pay for it ourselves. As gifts we were delightfully surprised and thankful to have recieved about $600.
I'm sorry to say this and I know you won't like it but you are acting a little childish. At the same time the treatment that you are recieving from your step father is cause for anger and hurt. In that regards you should sit him down and tell him how you feel. Let him decide whether or not he wants to correct the issues.
In the meantime say thanks for the help from both your step parents and get married. A wedding is not about how much money you have to put towards it, it's about making a lifelong committment to the person you love. If a person cannot see that I really do pity them.
Respectfully Cannuck

Answer 6

I think parents should help but what ever they decide you should be thankful for. If that is what he has to offer deal with it. I think it is stupid to spend so much on a wedding that most will end up in divorce!!! Instead of spending on a wedding that only last a few hours why not put it toward you and your husbands future which will lessen any money issues in the future like in stead of a big wedding put it on a home for your future something you can really use and not just look at in a photo book. If you have money to burn the have a big wedding if not what a waste of money. Put it towards someting that matters. Not something that is gone with the wind- a wedding. If you want a big wedding YOU PAY FOR IT.Greedy Kids.

Answer 7

Just be happy that you're getting anything. It's their choice whether they want to provide that money or not. It's not written in stone that they have to pay for your wedding.

My parents aren't paying for any of mine. My mom can't afford it and I told my dad not to worry about it. The way I look at it, it's my wedding, not theirs. Therefore, it is my responsibility to finance it.

I'm sorry that your parents died, but you can't guarantee that they would have paid for the wedding either. If you're so independent, I'm sure you can figure out a way to have a wedding for $12,000. It may not be your dream wedding, but you can always have a renewal ceremony later on. I think renewal ceremonies are more special anyway - you've already shown that you can go the distance.

And btw, don't ask for advice or opinions and then get defensive when you get what you asked for. You sound a little self centered.

Answer 8

If both of your parents are passed away how can you have any stepparents?

With the cost of weddings today, the only ones to cover the cost of the wedding is the bride and groom. It is nice that the woman that you call your stepmom is giving 10K and think of the money that the man that you call stepdad is giving you as a wedding gift.

The tax laws on gift of money from parents is $10,000.00 per son or daughter, each parent can give up to $10,000.00 so that is $20,000.00 that each child can recieve from their parents..

Good Luck

Answer 9

No one is responsible to pay for a wedding except the bride and groom. If parents or stepparents pay, the assistance they provide is a gift, not an obligation. Be grateful that they are kind enough to give you anything, don't act spoiled and insulted because you don't think it is generous enough. Using your dead parents as an excuse for acting so selfish is REALLY messed up. From your question and follow-up, you and your fiance really sound petty and childish. That may explain why your stepfather wants nothing to do with you.

As far as not getting anything from your late parents' estates, that's a completly seperate issue and something you need to talk to a lawyer about to see if you were actually supposed to get anything.

Answer 10

Sorry to hear about your folks. Did they leave monies to step parents to raise you or is there an estate that they are head of. I have never heard of paying gift tax for wedding gifts. I believe 12 k is more than enough to throw a wedding and reception. As for the china that should be given to you and as for the lennox (??) that also should be yours. Question to you is what will your brother get when he weds. The booze paid for. This would not be fare. Anyway good luck with your wedding you can have a beautiful one for 12 k.