Question about having an adopted child?

Question

When do you think is the right age to tell the child they were adopted? or should the child not be told at all? would it be wrong to not tell the child they were adopted?

Answer 1

Adoption stories are as special as birth stories. It is something to be celebrated and not a shameful thing. So, share your child's story with him/her. As a side note, it's very unlikely that the lie would be able to continue forever, and when it is found out, it will be hurtful.

Answer 2

I think when the child is old enough to understand then you should tell them, My aunt & uncle adopted a little girl. The Original birth mother should of written the child a letter explaining to them why they were given up for adoption, and when they are older you can show them that and talk to them about it. I do however believe that the child should be told at some point that they were adopted that’s what my aunt & uncle plan to do with their little girl, And I would like to say I think it is wrong to not tell them.

Answer 3

I was adopted at 2 months old, and I have always known I was adopted. I think you should always talk about it very matter of factly, and not hide it. Your child is going to be curious one day about the circumstances surrounding his/her birth, adoption, etc.. and hiding it or making it seem like it was something negative, will be a bad thing for all those involved.

Answer 4

Tell them right away. There are books made for different ages that talk about adoption. A good selection can be found on Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/Best-Childrens-Books-About-Adoption/lm/2F98ZLQGA80SQ. That is the list I found. I was adopted at 9 years old, so there wasnt much "telling" for anyone to do.

Answer 5

I think the child should be told all a long. I had a friend who was adopted and her parents didn't tell her until she was in her teens. It tore that family apart. Let your child know how special they are and you chose them.

Answer 6

The age will vary with comprehension level, I think. For some, it could be early when they are inquisitive. For some later on. I would say no later than 12 or 13 though. I think for health reasons, a child should be told. Would you rather be deceptive with your child and when they found out, they wouldn't trust you. One thing I know with my cousin is that she wasn't told and it slipped out from another family member - she was devastated that her parents didn't tell her. It doesn't change the fact that you are their parent, it's just about honesty.

Answer 7

Well my mother-in-law adopted two children and she talked about it from the time they were infants. So the children grew up knewing from their earliest times. Of course she had to explain what that meant but she cherished her memories of getting each of them so much that it made them feel very special. So my husband (who was adopted) says that this is the best way.

Answer 8

I think it's best not to tell them they were adopted if they're the same language as you and don't have different skin and hair color.
If they're american and you're not (or the other way around), she might notice some differences as she grows up.
Then you can gently tell her.
She'll be surprised and she'll probably be grateful that you (a very nice person), has adopted him or her.

Answer 9

It's wrong not to tell them. They should be told as early as possible in a simple way.

Answer 10

I think its best to always tell them, then it won't seem odd. I don't think never telling is a good idea because someone who knows (your friends, grandparents, aunts, uncles) will leak it to them eventually.