Their father doesn't want to see them, they are only toddlers and they never ask about him despite his living with them and their mother til recently. But presumably in the future they will ask. He is alcoholic and doesn't support them and their mother wants no further contact so there is no conflict and the boys are happy. He lives in the same small town, so may not be totally avoidable in future. How to answer their questions which are bound to be extensive at some stage?
2007-02-17 07:32:25 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Thanks everyone. Of course the truth must be told the question is more complicated than I made it sound. How should the 'truth ' be phrased to very young children? The mother is an excellent mother but is very busy, works and doesn't have a computer plus we live in Africa in the middle of nowhere and I am asking on her behalf. We will (the 3 of us their grandfather included) be raising the boys to gether. Of course we will wait for them to ask but when they say 'why don't we see Daddy?' which they have never said before, I don't know I can see myself saying "I don't know' So far we just say he is working. which he is sometimes. Runs a bar! When he can stand up! I could say he is busy, living in another house, sleeping (most of the time), or drunk but they don't know what that means. Do you see what I'm saying?
2007-02-17 19:38:26 · update #1
If they are only toddlers, then redirect their attention to something else. When they are older and ask intelligent questions, tell them their father is a man who is unable to be a good father, but they are lucky to have a mother who loves them enough for both, plus wonderful grandparents. They really are lucky; they are much better off with an alcoholic man out of their life than in it.
2007-02-21 16:24:44 · answer #1 · answered by Robin 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Answer with honesty. Leave the opinions out of it unless they ask you on your opinion about the whole thing. If the father was an alcoholic then that's what he is. Why hide it. You wouldn't hide it if he was a war hero or a hard worker.
The truth is harsh but I don't understand why people want to protect other people so much. The way I see it is you can either tell me the truth or I will find out the truth. Once I find it is up to me to either accept it or denied said truth. Whether I accept it or denied it is inconsequential because the truth is still the truth no matter what a person wants to believe after knowing it.
2007-02-17 07:39:31 · answer #2 · answered by mr_gees100_peas 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When the time comes and they ask you tell them their father is sick and cannot care for them. As they get older you can explain more about alcoholism. They need to know because alcoholism is genetic and these boys could be carrying that gene. They need to be warned by the time they are 13 because teens will experiment with alcohol.
As for their mother you dont say why she left but if it has nothing to do with drugs or alcohol you could say she was just too young or immature yet to deal with all the problems. These boys are lucky though to have you. Many kids like this end up in foster care or childrens homes. Love them good and they will be ok.
2007-02-17 08:19:10 · answer #3 · answered by Dovahkiin 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I respect the fact that you are probably really great parents to their mom, but I think that this is a subject that should be up to the mom to talk to them about. On the other hand the boys are probably happy, and feel safe, secure and loved, so they may not even miss the turmoil of their dad being around. With that thought in mind I would not even dwell on the questions they may or may not have, and just give them lots of love and kisses! If the inevitable happens, just let them know that dad had some problems and the two of them thought that it was best for the boys if he just stayed away, until he could work them out!
2007-02-17 07:48:04 · answer #4 · answered by suequek 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell them now and only tell them the truth. Let them know how much you love them and you will always be there for them. I was adopted as a baby and I must have been told that from a very early age on, as I don't remember being told. I just knew there people who had given birth to me and then I got the great parents I got. You live in a small town and someone will say something to them sooner or later. Let them hear it from you first.
2007-02-17 07:46:25 · answer #5 · answered by mimegamy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think of your grandson is in simple terms too youthful to understand what you would be telling him so i think of it perfect to attend till hes older. there heavily isn't a solid time yet i nevertheless have confidence he could learn while he can understand. U additionally should be careful that the actual father wont harm your grandson and no remember if it quite is a risk then your grandson could be attentive to this incase he comes to a decision he needs to locate his actual dad. i'm hoping that all of it is going nicely and that i do sense for you all because it is an fairly puzzling undertaking. perfect needs xxxx
2016-12-17 12:24:35 · answer #6 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well when the questions come up. Tell them the truth about how he feels about them and also add that he is a sick man or alcoholism and that makes men and women sick in the mind. They are not ignorant with the situation and they are more perceptive than you think I am sure. So just tell them the truth. They will be just fine. You are worried about it more than they are. So relax as I believe they know more than you think.
2007-02-17 07:57:45 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Thats really sad....When the boys do finally ask about there dad tell them the truth because if you don't they will find out sooner or later and then want to know why you didn't tell them...you said your self you live in a small town i am sure everyone knows everything about everyone...small towns are like that so please just be honest...you can't go wrong then....good luck to you....
2007-02-17 07:46:47 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
tell them the EXACT truth....not what you feel, what she feels, not hatred, not discuss, but pure, un-bias exact truth.
to tell him anything else, in time, he will find out the truth. and if you lie to him now, he will never forgive you later when the truth comes out.
My parents divorced when I was 4, mom filled my head with lies based on her opinion and not on facts. I fully believed it all till I was in my mid 20's, then the truth came out from me finding out and other family stepping forward. Today I have NO relations with that woman that gave me birth as she doesn't even deserve the title of mother, for no mother would do such an act.
Truth is always the best medicine.
2007-02-17 07:37:40 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Our family has the same situation but it is with my sister being the alcoholic. We have told her boys that unfortunatley she is an addict and that when people are addicts they do not always make wise decisions, it may not be that they are not loved, but that their mother or father has allowed their addiction to rule their ability to make responsible choices in their lives. (we have told the boys this, to help them realize that addiction is bad, and hopefully they will not find themselves taking the same path later on) Good luck
2007-02-17 07:41:07 · answer #10 · answered by whattheheck 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋