ok, last time i told all of you about my gf. if you don't know what im talking about, i wil explain again. ok this is how it goes, my gf whos 23 years old, i been dating for a while now. anyway before she dated me, she had a ex bf, and they made the choice to have a baby, but broke up a few weeks later. anyway she told me she was going to have a baby thats not even mine!. we never had sex, and she said shes going to keep the baby. anyway icame here and asked for advice, and i told her how i felt. i said im glad shes keeping the baby, and im still going to be with her, i love her, and i will help her take care of the baby. im 18, and my 23 year old gf is having a baby thats not mine, but i made the choice to stay. i got a job, and i can help her if she needs it. were not getitng married, and she said shes never going to see her ex again. so i want to ask you all did i make the right choice? i love her, and i will be on her side. so did i make the right choice?
2007-02-17 07:29:51 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
hun - why are you asking this question here? if you were secure and safe in this relationship, you woldn't have to ask what others think. WHAT DO YOU THINK? if you're not sure, don't lead her on, and don't let a child bond to you if you even think you might abandon them. you are very young at 18 to be an instant dad. maybe you need to be friends for a bit before committing. i do admire your morals that are driving you to make want to help her, but do not act out of guilt.
2007-02-17 07:33:31 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Here's the thing..... you're only 18. You still have a lot of living to do. The life experiences you gain may cause you to make different decisions 3, 5, 10 years from now. It's great that you're willing to support your girlfriend and help her out when she needs it. You're really a decent person. But you have no marriage plans or anything permanent like that.
If you treat this child as your own, what happens when you get the great job maybe in another state and your girlfriend doesn't want to move and you two don't want to get married? How will this child feel at 3 or 4 when the only father he's known leaves?
I'm not saying you made the wrong choice. I don't know that it's wrong or right. I'm just saying be careful. Maybe you can be very supportive of your gif and limit some of the contact with the child, because that's really whose feelings are most at risk here. You're obviously a smart, caring person, but, people in general, points of view change as they gain more life experience.
Just be careful and keep in mind how your's and your gf's actions will affect the child. Do you two plan to get married? If not, limit your contact with the child. Don't avoid him all together, but limit it a little. He/she won't be able to understand your leaving them if that time comes. You may want to talk to your mother and father about this or someone else face-to-face who has more life experience than you.
Good luck. Nice to know there are decent young men out there such as yourself.
2007-02-17 15:46:28 · answer #2 · answered by Christy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Only time will tell. If you are so worried about this being the right choice then perhaps you didn't. It must be a difficult situation, but you cannot sacrifice your entire life for someone elses child that could be gone tomorrow. You are so young and have so much more to look forward to. It is either all the way in or all the way out. No middle. Either you two raise the child together or you don't do it at all. If she is going to be in your life then so is the child.
2007-02-17 15:35:21 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, the real answer is GTFON or Get The **** Out Now. This can only end in disaster. You are only 18. 18! Why do you want a kid? THATS NOT EVEN YOURS? You have a lifetime to live and this will only end in regret, and alot of it. GTFON.
Simply put, you will be giving up living alot of life experiences (girls, parties, friends, family) at the age of 18, for something you don't have any connection to. Most guys at least wait until their late twenties to give up all that (through marriage).
2007-02-17 15:37:06 · answer #4 · answered by Mike 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
-If you love her, it's not a question.
-After all you are not talking about marriage, so it is not a very big problem.
-I suppose that the "help" you mentioned above is "financial help". What does she do? a student? work somewhere? can she supports herself and her baby?
*Sorry to say that. The question I have in mind is: does she really love you? or does she merely want to find someone to support her living? (well, if she has a job, ignore this point. smile!)
-Anyway, if you have make a "not so right" choice, you can still change you mind afterwards.
-Life is short. Enjoy your time with your gf now!
2007-02-17 15:43:30 · answer #5 · answered by ann c 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry because I am probably not going to say what you may want to hear, but it will be the truth from my heart. They made a choice to have a baby and you are too young to have your own baby let alone another mans child to raise. Sweetie, you deserve so much better, continue to be a friend to your friend, help if you can, but do not give up your life for this woman and her child. You need to be free and dating without the pressures of fatherhood.
2007-02-17 15:39:19 · answer #6 · answered by myleshunt 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you are too young to raise a kid of your own now imagine having the responsability of rasing (helping raise) a kid that is not yours. I went thru this situation a few year ago. At the time I didnt think there was a problem but people around me did. Now i understand why. You still need to enjoy life, have fun, and be worry free.
2007-02-17 15:36:57 · answer #7 · answered by Fresh2Death 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you REALLY need to rethink this situation. Do you honestly think she is NEVER going to see the father of her child again? He is definitely going to be in her life at least for the next 18 years and there's nothing you can do about it. I think she has baggage that you certainly don't have to deal with!!! But considering you've already decided to make things work, you have to take all these things into account. You're willing to be there for her so that means you have to deal with whatever comes with the package. My advice to you would be learn to exercise patience because you're gonna need alot of it!!!!!!!!
2007-02-17 15:44:49 · answer #8 · answered by Ms. Knowitall 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're too young to be taking on the responsibility of caring for someone else's baby.
I once worked with a lady that cheated on her husband, with whom she had a child with, to be with a new guy. She divorced the husband and married the new guy. The new guy adopted the child, and while that was going on, she cheated on the new guy. She left the second husband, and he got stuck with the child support.
Not to say that this exact scenario would happen to you, but would you want it to???
2007-02-17 15:36:19 · answer #9 · answered by I do 26.2 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, First of all your 19, and your dating a girl whose 4 years older than you so im guessing shez the smart one.. From what i read it seems like you really love her.. Just make sure she loves you too not just a lil but as much you love her..It seems to me that your having second thoughts otherwise you wouldnt be here..think about it carefully my friend .. Coz your the one who's going to put up with all her ****... If she really really loves you its worth it , but if she doesent i suggest you move on...
2007-02-17 15:40:54 · answer #10 · answered by trancellin 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋