What would you do for your child ??

Question

I have a 19 month old daughter
My ex didn't turn up for supervised access today yet again
He turned up to 1 in 4 visits,
I realised a long time ago that he was a nasty piece of work.
How can a parent not be bothered about thier child ??
I'd give up breathing for my kids
What lengths would you go to for yours ??

I can't talk to him as I'm fleeing violence from him,
He was incredibly abusive and controlling,
This is through solicitors as I am divorcing him.

Answer 1

I had the same problem with my sons' dad. I would do anything for my kids. A father who cant be there for his own children should be steralized. = )

Answer 2

you must protect your daughter, but do not thwart the judges order for access, I would not tell your daughter that he was coming to see her until you see him pull up. Document everything including latenesses and noshows, and what they did during visitation(ie was he interacting with her or just talking on the phone while she was playing). Some men dont get the baby thing right away and other men have to be guided. others wont ever get it. Speak to this guy and be point blank, pull no punches and don't be cruel. If your intention is for him to just get back with you and he doesn't you may unintentionally or intentionally be making him feel uncomfortable. which might make him stay away. If it's just for him to know his daughter then tell him and tell him that you are laying down new laws such as, if he's doesnt continue regular visits you will ask that a judge kill all access as it will confuses your daughter as time goes on. You want a phone call when he isn't coming to visit, maybe the day has to be changed to better suite his schedual, but try for your daughters sake to allow contact as long as he is following the rules. Remember you are your childs advocate. By the way, If it were me I would do everything I suggested. I would do anything for my children. They are my world!

Answer 3

Aren't you happy he doesn't turn up if he's such a nasty piece of work? Can't you use this against him to deny access or do you want him to have a relationship with your daughter? My partner has access once a week but if he had ever been violent then i would move as far as possible from him so it would be impossible for him to see his daughter. Thank god he's a good person though,this must be hell for you and heartbreaking to think he doesn't care about the most precious gift he'll ever have. His loss

Answer 4

me personally I would do anything for my daughter, but sadly alot of people and it is mainly men aren't like that. If he can't be bothered to see his child then I would stop all visits completely. You will then see if he truely thinks about her by seeing if he still bothers to send her birthday and christmas cards. If he's going to be unreliable and mess you and your child around its hassle you can both do without. When your daughter is old enough you can explain the situation to her as to why you made the decision you did, and if you still have his contact details when she is old enough to maintain a relationship with him herself then let her find him and see him for what he truely is. The worst thing you can do is try and force a relationship that he isn't bothered about or allow him to mess your daughter around as it will create more problems and mess with her feelings and emotions. I know that sounds a bit harsh but I had a come and go as he pleased Dad when I was a kid and had no contact at all between the ages of 10-16, we have an ok relationship now that has taken many years to build and him taking a lot of grief from me about the past but he's still stuck it out now as he realises he can't get back what he gave up and until your daughters father reaches that stage he will keep behaving as he is, and its only now, as Freudian as its sounds if I look at my relationships with men that I can see how a bad relationship with my dad as a kid has affected me into adulthood.
So try not to stress about how he's being and let it affect your daughter as little as possible.

Answer 5

u sound to me to be a well loving mother. i would speak to the solicitor involved and tell him the problem he can advice you on what to do as every mother wants there best for there children and this is not best for her.can u imagine in 5 years or so when he says ill take you out this weekend and she is so excited and he never turns up it will be left for you to sort out once again. i hope you can get something done for your daughters sake.i have two children the first is not biological my partners. his biological dad walked out on me when i was 7 months pregnant and never met his son. my partner has been there since he was 4 months old and has never known any difference that's his daddy. and it will stay like that until he is older and needs to be told. yes it will be hard but I'm sure my son will be OK

Answer 6

I would lay my life on the line for my sons plain and simple. They mean more to me than anything else in the world. My ex doesn't have anything to do with my son but he's the one that's losing out on all the precious moments that i get to enjoy so more fool him. I realised a long time ago that i didn't need him in my son's life and my son will grow up to be a perfectly normal well rounded individual. I'm sorry for the violence you've experienced,i went through that myself and would never put myself through that again so i wish you all the luck for the future and you just enjoy your beautiful daughter and all the joy she will bring you

Answer 7

It will be alright..I am a single mom that raised a 18 yr old son.Dad was never in the picture.My son works all day at my work and goes to college at night.I gave my life for my child.I didn't bring any men in the home to confuse him.And I'm single now due to working so much to make sure my child has a good education. There is alot to raiseing a child.They learn by what they see not by what u tell them.Good luck

Answer 8

My husband came see his parents and didn't bother to visit his kids. He hadn't seen them for five years. No reason, just that he couldn't be bothered. Father's Day were for spending with his father, not his kids. When they were smaller, his annual leave was spent in the next town. He'd arrive to say "hullo" and three weeks later, arrive to say "good-bye". All in all, in one year, he spent 30 minutes with his children. I would plead with him to take an interest in them, a birthday card, a telephone call. Nothing. except when there was a new girlfriend around and then suddenly, he was a good daddy. It never lasted longer than a week. His wives (two) paid more interest in his kids than he ever did. And I'm grateful to them for that.
And now they're grown I have to put up with "your mother turned you away from me" nonsense. He was a bad husband, a bad father and his kids know this now.
When he went to visit my one son at the army base, but coulnd't be bothered to stop in on the way to visit son no 2, I was so sad. And I said "I'd walk across Africa barefoot to see my children." And I would.

Answer 9

Anything in the world they are grown up now and 1 has 2 children of his own and he feels just like I do although must admit I'd do the same for my grandchildren. Just give it a try talking to him and tell him it is not hurting you (he is) but your daughter cause if he knows it is hurting you that could be why he is doing it so tell him.

Answer 10

I had to take my daughter to A&E today as her birth mark started bleeding - if I could take her place/pain I would without question I love her so much.
I cannot understand a parent who wouldn't. You need to tell you solicitor about your husband why did he bother to ask for access if he isn't going to turn up. Your daughter will know that you love her very much.

Answer 11

I'd do whatever i had to do for mine, they always have and always will come first. My son's 'dad' didn't see him for the first 3 years of his life and then turned up expecting to be allowed to see him and have a relationship with him. I made him wait and prove that it was going to be an on going thing and not just a visit to fullfill his curiosity. I wouldn't let him tell my son who he was, (ie, dad). and he visited about 3 times then the excuses started coming so i told him that i wouldn't let him see him again.
Children need stability, they need routine, i appreciate that in an ideal world they need 2 parents, but not when one of them is destined to forever let them down - my son is better off without him in his life.