Why is it hard for me to let him go back to school?

Question

My son is 6 years old, he is the oldest of my two boys.
in sep 06 he had open heart surgery, I have had him out of school since aug 06' to get him ready for his surgery, I didnt want him to get sick (that would have delayed the surgery more)
here we are feb 07 and I am deathly afraid to place him back in school. I hardly allow him to do alot of physical activity I let him play and stuff, but like the other day my mother-in-lay took him skateing without me knowing! I freaked out!
I am scared to take him in heavly populated areas (i am scared someone will bump into him.) his doc says its fine now and I shouldnt be scared no more the worst is over. but I cant seem to do it! I still cry when I help him dress. just thinking about it now Im crying. and I dont know why. he is fine and healthy now. but I cont let him do certian things, and I dont want him to be a mommas boy but at the same time I just cant bring my self to let him play football skate or play with bigger kids.

For those who are wondering what I am doing about his education, I pick up 2 weeks worth of school work (in class and homework) from his teacher.
He has 2 friends from class that comeover on the weekends. they know about his surgery, one of them was even at the hospital with us.
we are planning a trip to disney land for his little bros bday and Im Sooooo Scared.
of course he is all for it. this is a twice a year tradition for us.
As far as therapy, I wish I could afford it.
I am online looking for support groups, but all tell me (so far) that I do not fit within the group.His school is aware of his conditions but as most schools heer is couthern california it is severly under staffed. and he is out on the play ground with higher grades. his teacher has talked with the prinipal with me and he will not allow him to stay inclass during resess. His teacher would stay with him but during 2 of the 3 resesses she is busy in the office.

Answer 1

Definaly seek help hun, for you, to help you deal with the experience yourself.
Relax though he went though an ordeal its over with, yes I know its hard start slow and steady. If you see him get tired then let him rest other then that let him enjoy the things he can do. Childern are quite flexable, they bounce back really quick. Though you might not be ready, he might be and its really not fair for him to hold him back. Let him do things he enjoys, if you feel hes over doing it try explaining that you want him to take a break and sit for a little talk about things during that break and then let him go backout and play. Take your time with him and relax, hes doing better, hes a kid he needs freinds just as much as he needs you. I'm sure its hard for you and a bi of theropy would do you good, don't get mad at others if they let him play some sports jus explain that you want him to take a break or two until you are use to him being heathy again. Just when you are watching him pla the stuff you are scared of watch him and repeat to yourself, he'll be alright, he's fine, he's having fun and relax. When he falls don't panic and run to him let him come to you and let you know if he hurt himself. I know it is hard but you would be surprized on what he can and can't do. and after a time if you really can't take it anymore call him over and expalin to him how you are feeling and ask him if he would be willing to sit with you for a little bit to help you. Most kids if you expalin your feelings will want to help after all your his Mommy and a huge part of his world. Don't tell him he can't when he can. Just expalin that Mommy is still scared and is still worried, so it would be nice and really help mommy out if you would sit out his round and then join them in the next. It'll be jus fine. But please do seek help.

Answer 2

Of course you're still scared. This was a big issue for so long for both you and your son. It's hard enough to cut the apron strings for normal children and yours was the exception. I hope this doesn't sound mean, but you need to see a therapist to deal with this. If you don't lighten up, your son and possibly the rest of the family, will come to resent you. If his doctor told you he's healthy now, then go with it. He was fine with the skating, and I'm sure Grandma watched out. She raised your husband, and knows a thing or two. Take little steps at first, and then start letting him gradually do more and more. Maybe once you see he's "Normal" you will let him be like all the other kids. Good luck.

Answer 3

This sounds like your suffering from a form of depression. It might be caused by the stress or shock of almost losing your son. It sounds like you don't want to let him go because you feel that as soon as he's out of your site something bad might happen. It's understandable and a lot of people become protective of their children. You might want to seek a therapists opinion on how you can over come this. Don't worry though, this happens to lots of people and you'll feel a lot better once you consult a professional.
Hope it works out.

Answer 4

You need therapy. I understand you feel he's fragile and teetering on the edge of life, but that's not the reality. Talk to your doctor about what he can handle and write it down and put it on the fridge if you have to!

Start out slowly - leave him places for 1 hour at a time. Friend's house, daycare, etc. Maybe even start him out with half days of school for his sake and yours. It's not fair to keep him locked up and alone because of your neurosis. He needs to be with other people, learning, playing, socializing.

Answer 5

It sounds like a control issue. Of course you are scared. This is your precious son who survived a life threatening event. Subconsciously, if you have control over everything he does then nothing will happen to him. It might be helpful if you get help and talk through your fears with someone. Remember, your fears can rub off on him and he may come to believe he is not capable of taking care of himself. Good Luck!

Answer 6

this is a natural way for a mother to feel! I would be the same exact way,but you cant keep him under lock & key 24/7,besides he needs to make friends & play with other children.Just be sure to tell ALL the School officals of this,& limit his activites!