I'm adopted and my parents told me as soon as I could talk. What do you think would be the best time to tell a child?
2007-02-17 06:32:20 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
I've heard of too many horror stories of parents telling the kids when they are teens/adults and them resenting their adoptive parents. I think I would probably tell them around the age of 5. Nothing to detail, just the very basics and then when they are a bit older, answering questions that they may have in more detail. Maybe celebrating the adoption day every year too.
2007-02-17 06:37:53 · answer #1 · answered by punkin_eater26 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
For most young people - abandonment, for whatever reason, by their parents is one of the most difficult issues to deal with.
Kids feel parents are the people who are "supposed" to love you more than anyone else on earth so feelings about why a parent could leave their child can create problems. Though obviously unfounded, these problems are usually related to feelings of inadequacy, insecurity, low self esteem, etc.
It is both ironic and unfortunate that most young people are not mature enough to see that putting a child up for adoption is one of the most intelligent and loving acts a person can perform for their child. In addition, most adopted kids don't see it as being the truly heart breaking experience for the parents losing the child that it was. It is an unbelievable act of love kids who were not adopted ever experience and a capacity of a love so deep most adopted children don't understand until much later in life.
In virtually all cases I am aware of, the child is much better off with the adoptive parents than with the birth parents. This is not because of more love, but because of more resources to provide for the child - again, something most young people are not mature enough to understand.
With all of that said - the consensus among most mental health professionals is that adolescence is difficult enough without having to have doubts, no matter how unfounded they are, which may surface as a result of abandonment related issues.
If the adoption is uncovered, I would say address it and talk candidly about why the child was placed for adoption. If it is not, I would say wait until the person is a young adult.
2007-02-17 10:39:13 · answer #2 · answered by Libsuc 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I thoroughly understand your sisters reluctance to tell her daughter that she is is accompanied. Denying it regardless of the actuality it incredibly is a lots much less annoying direction for her emotionally. regrettably, I doubt her daughter will sense a similar becoming up feeling that some thing is amiss and questioning why she isn't comparable to her mothers and fathers and siblings. If no longer being open approximately adoption from the initiating, the faster the extra desirable. on the age of 5, she can no longer relatively completely understand the consequences of what being accompanied potential. Her mom is her mom and that's that they way it would possibly be. in the experience that your sister waits to any extent further besides the undeniable fact that, the extra durable it's going to be for each individual. mom, daughter and siblings. My advice could be to get her some books written from the adoptee perspective and experience and notice if that would not substitute her innovations. The thoughts of betrayal and lacking identity are annoying to examine yet a mom that incredibly loves and cares for her infant will understand the importance of honesty and openness. Cayleigh is maximum possibly no longer likely to grow to be much less soft with age or time. Telling her now's superb. the actuality that Cayleigh is accompanied makes her particular and intensely enjoyed. You sound like a great aunt~ stable good fortune!
2016-10-02 07:27:48 · answer #3 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it's good they told you early, but I also think for me personally I would wait until the child was 18. You don't want your child as a teenager saying, "You're not my REAL mom". But, it's whatever works. If you're from Korea and go to a white family it will be a little hard not to know. But, if you all look the same sometimes it is better to wait.
2007-02-17 06:36:55 · answer #4 · answered by Brown-eyed girl 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Your parents did the right thing! I have two adopted children and they have known from the start. Why have secrets? I'm a sooo lucky to have this second chance - I thank God every day for my two special angels! I am one lucky mom!
Good Luck to you.
2007-02-18 07:53:03 · answer #5 · answered by Only Me 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It seems to me that it would be easier on the child if he/she knew all along and not have it sprung on them when they are older. I heard a wonderful song when I was a child and went to Sunday School. I can't remember the name, but it starts like this "I am adoped, I'm chosen can't you see? I am a member of the royal family."
2007-02-17 06:47:35 · answer #6 · answered by Evee 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would suggest that it is a personal decision, but if it were me, I would do exactly as your parents did. Why would you want to wait? If it were me as the child, I would rather grow up knowing then to experience the shock later in life.
2007-02-17 06:41:21 · answer #7 · answered by Echelon 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it really depends on how mature they are. there is no specific age. IF they are very immature they will not be ready to handle the news. If they are matture i think you can tell them.
2007-02-17 06:37:26 · answer #8 · answered by peanut 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
JUST THE WAY YOUR PARENTS DID I THINK YOU SHOULD KNOW AS SOON AS POSSIBLE
2007-02-17 09:56:56 · answer #9 · answered by S T 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would say as early as they can understand.
2007-02-17 06:40:40 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋