Ok I need help with my three year old daughter!!?

Question

My three year old little girl is sweet but an absoulute nightmare. She is in everything she refuses to do what she is told and takes anywhere from an hour to four to fall asleep!!! Please help me I have a 11 month old daughter also and can see a tremendous difference in the amount of energy she has and that my oldest had at that age. Could she have adhd? I do punish her and I spank her. But it is all done for nothing she doesnt care. I put her in time out and when she gets out three min. later shes doing the same thing I have punished her for hundreds of times!!! I love her very much and she is very smart shes just so unruly!! Her Dr. refuses to send her to a behaivioral spec. for an evaluation just to see if this is normal. Please Please help I am literally losing my hair from stress!!!

Answer 1

Your daughter is fine. The doctor is 100% right. This is a normal stage of development. I called it bossy three when my child went through it. You will need to keep the child occupied for all of her waking hours. She is learning a great deal about how the world operates. Her personality is being set. I don't like corporal punishment. She may not understand the time outs.
Enroll her in preschool or set a schedule of activities for her at home. Include educational time with puzzles, coloring, finger painting, preparing snacks, educational televison programming, naps and then doing the same in the afternoon and into the evening. Try to stick to the schedule.
Children need structure. When left to their own devices they wreak havoc every time. Just giving her a room full of toys will not teach her how to engage constructively. You have to put in the work, mom. It takes energy. If you are a stay at home mom, take a nap in the afternoon too and take a multi-vitamin!
As for bedtime a routine for that helps too. Start with a quiet play activity after dinner. Then bath, a story book, and a good night kiss. Gently close the door and ignore any crying and pleading. If she gets out of bed, take her by the hand and put her back in, even if you have to do it dozens of times. Don't engage her in conversation or argument. "Good night, sweetie. Time for bed," is all you need say. Have a set bedtime and forego activities that will have you away from home at that time until she gets into the routine.
The level of attention and patience you show to this precociuos little person will make her a happy independent person or a pensive angry little tyrant in the future. Choose wisely.

Answer 2

Watch Super Nanny. Your 3 yr old is probably acting up because she wants attention. As for your 11 mo. old not being as unruley... well, she doesn't have to be because the other one is. She can just sit back and watch the show.

3 is a frustrating age so try to be understanding. With her refusing to do what she is told some of the problem is that you will have to modify your expectations too. Reward good behavior and do not give attention for bad behavior. Bad behavior loses priviledges. She can understand that. A priveledge is anything she likes to do and some things you will have to suggest that she would have liked to do or get such as getting a 25 cent toy at the grocery store because she rode in the cart and didn't cry for things. Or, if she practiced saying nice things to her sister then she can help you make lunch.

As far as her not going to bed on-time at night you might make sure that you aren't giving her sweets or caffeine late at night. Meat and potatoes will help her sleep well. Dessert is OK at lunch but not after dinner. No Kool-aid or juice after dinner either, only milk.

Answer 3

I'll share with you the tid bit that a dear friend of mine shared with me when I started having problems with my (then) 2 year old daughter. She said, "Never forget! You are the adult."

Well not only are you an adult, you are THE MOMMY! Somewhere along the line, your daughter has figured out how to wear you down or how to manipulate you.

My advice? Pay very close attention to the signals you are sending when this behavior arises. What is going on? Do these outbursts happen when there are a specific set of circumstances (when she is tired, hungry, when you are paying what she perceives to be more attention to the other child, etc.)

As for methods of discipline, pick one method and stick with it. Be consistent and don't take any crap. Draw the boundaries, punish when they are exceeded, and never say you are sorry. My friend also gave me another tid bit that has served me well: As long as no bones are broken and she ain't bleeding, then it's all okay. Don't be afraid to spank! (Beating the fool out of kids isn't acceptable, but a good swat to the tooshie can work wonders. I believe it's called an "attitude adjustment", haha!)

You are the Mommy. You are in control and in charge. I have every faith in your ability to handle this without having to resort to adhd drugs. Your daughter loves you and there is no doubt that you love her. She just needs to be reigned in a bit-all kids do.

Answer 4

I use to baby sit a 3 and 6 yr. old girls and they were totaly diffrent. The 3yr. old got so bad that she had to spend 30 min in their time out room. Her sister didn't make that easy. At times I had to just hold her tightly in my arms until she stopped kicking and screaming. Little ones are a lot stronger than they look, and it didn't help that I was in my first tri-mester. After a few days of this I decided that the time out thing might work for her parents but I had to find something else that worked between us.

I made a point to always make sure that when I was telling her something that we were eye to eye and that she could repete what I had said back to me. This made a world of diffrence and worked just as well with the other kids I have babysat and my own son.

Hope this helps, and good luck!!

Answer 5

I understand where you are coming from. I have a three year old and every night we fight about going to bed. We have started our sticker chart over again last night and she earned a sticker because she sleep in her own bed. Then she loves to pull out her toys and when it's time to clean up she will tell me that I need to do it. I sit and wait to see how long it's going to take her to clean up. Then I tell her that I will throw the toys in the trash. I have had to go so far as getting a clean trash bag out and usually by this time she has cleaned up the toys.I'm due to have another baby in August. I was always told that terrible three's are worse than terrible two's. Good luck!!

Answer 6

She is a normal 3 year old. How about spending the hour before bedtime with her. Do her bedtime routine with her. Wash hands and face, Brush teeth. Let her pick out her pjs and let her put them on herself. Read her a story and then let her read one byself for abit. Then go back in and tell her it's snuggle in time.

This is my 2 1/2 yr old bedtime routine. Sometimes she doesn't want a story. Good luck.

Answer 7

Well you can get her assesed if you want. But I find that some paretns nowadays tend to allow behaviors without realizing it. They do their best. I remember when I was a kid and it was just not accpeted to act out like that. So with my kids I do the same thing (but I am not abusive like my paretns were, lol). But I take the same attitude that my parents had. Some things like disrespect and disreguard for aurthority is just not acceptable and doesnt happen in our house. I use the lightest punishment possible depednign on the childs personaity. At 3 my kid changed. She did not have terrible two's... she acted out at 3. I just dont' accpet disregaurd to other people in my house. She gets three chances to listen. I will say ONE. she keeps doing it. TWO. She will ignore me... THREE then that's it.. time out. She will argue.. I never heard you! Or you are mean! whatever. I don't care... then listen. And don't call names or you'll be on that chari all day. If the punishment isn't working... which for my daughter timeouts didn't always work, then I had to step it up. I would tell her, on THREE your doll is in the garbage. Her doll was in the garbage. Then she threw a fit. I told her on THREE her favorite ball was in the garbage. She still kept up. So I threw her ball in garbage. Then she attacked me physcially which is just not acceptable human behavoir in my house. By now she is so upset that she won't stay in a time out... she is verbally abusing me and biting, htting, kicking... the worst tantrum ever recorded on earth. I stand there making myself stay calm and non emotional. Not saying anything... not changing my stragedy. 1-2-3 garbage. 1-2-3- garbage. Finally she realized it wasn't working to her advantage. I was calm. She wasn't getting any reaction excpet to have her favorite things thrown out. She screams and locks herself in the room and calls me names. Then she starts wrecking my door and banging on it. I go in wisper (wispering somehow gets kids to quiet down just to listen) 'you wreck my things, my house, my door. I wreck your things.'I take another toy for the garbage. Fianlly she lays on the bed crying and crying and crying and falls asleep. I pick her up and cuddle her and cry myself. After awhile I wake her up and she has such a good attitude. Since then time outs have worked wonderfully. She won't dare hit or kick or call names. And she when I say ONE she freezes on the spot and stops with a wonderful attitude and does something else. We have had a few repeat incidents like the above, but not very many. She does time outs quiet well now. She is a happy repsecetful 7 year old. As for not sleeping at night. My only rule is stay in bed and don't pop up.... just stay there. Sleep will come

Answer 8

Sounds like a normal 3 yr old to me. Ask your mom how you were when you were 3. I'll bet she has some good stories that might help. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree!

Answer 9

i might enable her yet purely for play time. If she gets used to that, she'll be donning makeup at 8 years previous. i think of which you will possibly desire to no longer eliminate the early life out of your daughter that quickly.

Answer 10

Whoah.. thats not your daughter, thats my son!!! lol. chill. its probably what you are doing, my bad habit is not sticking with something all the time..
I watch Super nanny... and the things she does really helps me out, and it helps my son when i do what she suggests. You should try watching it.. .if you dont have that show where you are, im sure you can google it and watch episodes of it somewhere on the internet.