Cutting self? I think I like it too much to stop?

Question

I've heard all of it; I've thought all of it. That it's horrible/selfish/bad for me/self-defeating. That I'm going to die if I don't stop. That I'm hurting the people around me (which is funny because they don't know I'm doing it when I do it).

But I just don't know if I'm able to stop right now. It's not that I'm incapable or controlled by some force and I'm helpless to resist. It's just that deep down I don't want to...and I haven't figured how else to get the same relief. How is anyone, even a psychologist, going to make me want to stop when I clearly never wanted to for myself?

My motivations in past months for trying to quit: what other people think. If other people see scars, if I can wear short sleeves in summer, if I make my dad happy.
And this is all horribly ironic, because I think I started cutting because I was trying so hard to please everybody and just couldn't take the pressure...and now I'm supposed to stop just to please everyone.

Answer 1

The reason you do it is for what you get. There is a payoff that you enjoy and the cutting is just the vehicle to get there. It is closely tied to your compulsive need to please other people. If you were living in isolation with no contact with others your desire for this activity would go away.

First of all, tell yourself that it's okay to cut yourself. Give yourself permission and decide that you are the ultimate authority or decision maker in this regard. Why? Because in reality you are. Humans are goofy in that we are somewhat attracted to the forbidden...so remove the taboo.

Next, get past tying your self image to that of your family and friends. Think about what you want out of life, what you like to do, who you want to be. Separate this from what everyone else wants or expects. You could maybe even make a list of these things and read it every so often. Usually when you take responsibility for your own self view, you take responsibility for your own happiness and direction in life as well. Chances are the new you will be more appealing to everyone around you, including yourself (at least the healthy people around you). You got to get past taking responsibility for anyone else's feelings and/or happiness for all this to work though. You can only really make changes in one person in the world if you know what I mean.

Answer 2

You are correct in hurting those around you. I am a parent of a cutter, and I Thank God that She has stopped (for now). She was picking at scabs until they became infected, this was after she would scratch herself, or take anything sharp (including staples) to cut. I'm also a college student who did research on the topic for a class room assignment. Cutting is normally a sign of a deeper problem. The reason you feel the pleasure is because your brain is releasing endophines which is where the pleasure feeling is coming from. The only way to stop is to be honest with yourself and get professional help. My question to you is WHY don't you want to stop? Were you sexually abused? for this is normally what has happened or some other traumatic event in your life. It is not healthy and an end result could be death. I don't know how old you are, but by you asking the question is telling me that deep down you do want help. If you are of age, you could check yourself into a hospital for a pysch evaluation and let them know that you are a cutter. Please get the help needed. Believe it or not, it hurts those around you for they do care. For me, I was and am afraid for the welfare of my child. She has addressed some issues with a doctor that she likes, and I'm always on the look out for open sores. She's 15 now, but part of her reason was rejection from her peers, and she didn't know how to handle stress. She also has other problems which are being addressed, but she would tell me the same thing, I can't stop. Be honest, with yourself about the real reason, and learn other behavior modifications instead of cutting. Get involved in a sport, exercise, relaxation techniques, for these activities also cause the same endorphines to be released in the brain. Even writing this is upsetting to me, for I do know what those around you are going through. PLEASE GET THE HELP YOU NEED!!!! Get to the root of the problem. You have your whole life ahead of you.

Answer 3

all the rude answers you get, just ignore. it takes one to know one, as the saying goes, right?

well im a cutter. im 22, and i started at 12. i havent been able to stop. i dont do it nearly as much now that i am older, and learning new ways to manage my sadness/anger. but here are the real cons: it burns, BAD, after you cut. it may be painless when your doing it, but afterwards, it hurts a lot. showering, rubbing against anything. it sucks.
scars!! they will NEVER go away. ever. i wish soooo much i hadnt cut ever, because i feel like a freak. i hate it. im afraid someone will ask "what happened to your arms?" and i will have no idea how to answer. ill be humiliated.
if anyone did find out, its very true, it will hurt them. they will wonder what they did wrong.

try your best to stop, before you get too deep into the habit. trust me, its something youll be sooo glad you dont do in the future.

if your under 18, and someone finds out, it is likely you will be sent away somewhere..to a hospital, most likely. and they will keep you on a 36 hour hold. its not fun. but, it could be helpful.

good luck, and please try to break the habit :(

Answer 4

I feel for you, sweetheart. I don't know anyone who has that personally, but I saw a movie about a girl who just had that. She was escaping the pressure from her parents who eventually wanted her to be a better person, but communicated that in all the wrong ways. I think this is just like drug abuse. You know it's wrong for you, but you keep doing it because it seems to steam out your anger.
I think you should see a psychologist. This comes from a girl who suffered from severe depression and at one point, was about to herself. Yup, that's me. I don't promise that within two weeks from starting to see a psychologist your world will turn around. It just doesn't happens this way.
You have to do this and you have to do it for YOURSELF. If you don't help youself, nobody else can. I've always taken pride in being able on my own to conquer that depression (my family thought it was stupid to see a psychologist). You are a strong young lady and you deserve better. Do it for yourself.
I'll be thinking about you. Hold on to yourself. There's much more to life than what you have already seen. It's good that you had all your sad moments at once, so when they're over you can have a long happy life with no interruptions of sadness.
Take care and love yourself. You deserve it.

Answer 5

Please get guidance from a parent, friend, psychologist. I think a psychologist will help because he/she will be able to find why you so desperately desire to do this. A psychologist is also a trained professional. Maybe by finding the source of your desire you can realize that maybe that cutting yourself is not what you want. For example, my friend had a eating disorder and she realized it was because the abuse she took when she was younger when it came to food. By talking out these things and doing some soul searching with a psychologist you can help yourself in many ways. Smile, the world's full of so many great things.

Answer 6

I used to cut back in high school I know how you feel. Its an escape its make you feel peaceful in a sense that only another cutter can understand, how you feel and what you are going through. I turned to writing I cant tell you how many journals I have full of writing!! I( did get help from a shrink and was not comfortable so I started writing). Everytime I got the gut feeling and the pressure building I would get my journal out wether it was to write one words over and over again or to completely pore out my feelings it did help me I have not cut myself for 9 years now. (The scars do eventually lighten up, I wear shorts and short sleeve shirts.) Not saying I still dont have problems who doesnt but they arent as bad as they used to be. Good Luck hun!!

Answer 7

I probably cannot answer your question, but I understand what you're saying. If a smoker wants to stop, they easily can. Some people just enjoy smoking and love doing it. You can't make yourself stop doing something if you WANT to do it. My mom used to cut, stopped, but does do it if she gets too stressed out. She has started due to her past. Her mom used to abuse her both physically and emotionally. That was a controlled environment. She felt safe there. Now, whenever she isn't able to control something, cutting is her way of feeling in control and controlled. She feels as though she's back at home with her abusive mom. Maybe I helped you understand why inside you still want to cut. I hope I at least helped at all!

Answer 8

Don't really know as I've never been into self harm. *but* I remember reading on here once, that an alternative is to wear an elastic band round your wrist and snap it against your skin if you feel the need. Less damaging than cutting up. In the long term, speak to a counsellor, they may be able to get to the root of the issue.

Answer 9

It might not seem like it now, but a psychologist could really help you out. Don't stop for the sake of others, stop for the sake of yourself... You deserve better than what you're doing to yourself and you know it. Try something else... Write...Read... Play a sport... Take a walk... Paint... Draw... Play an instrument.. Shuffle cards..

Find something that relaxes you or that you excel at and it'll provide much better relief, I promise you..

Answer 10

you are kind of moody person and like to do same thing always.
Its natural, you are not alien here.
You just need to start talking when you feel like cutting, say something. Try to understand others, this will keep your mind concentrated on real problems of life. Get up little early, do your work, and make more and more friends.
If this does not seem right for you, see a doctor or psychiatrist.