How do I get myself back after divorce?

Question

So, I'm getting divorced from my verbally abusive husband. I've "lost" myself- even my husband admits I'm not 1/10 of the person I used to be. I used to be happy go lucky- exercised, always took care of myself. Now I'm depressed, dont work out anymore, overeat- weigh more than I've ever weighed. How do I get back to my old self- or at least close to it? How do I start taking care of me- exercising, getting happy again?

Answer 1

From one Lizzie to another....

You've done the right thing. You've done something that some people cannot accomplish...you've gotten your life back from an abuser. Just a little more info for you...you're not the one with the problem, it's your ex-husband with the problem! You just have to love YOURSELF first and you've already proven that by dumping him!

You just keep on doing what you're doing and you'll feel confident and MUCH better about yourself soon! You are like a messy, cluttered room right now...all that it needs is a little time and care and it will look and feel like new!

Answer 2

You have taken the first step, you know that your self esteem is rotten from the verbal abuse of your soon to be ex. Now, you can enjoy learning about yourself, get back to excercising and all the things you did before. I do believe you are depressed,and recommend you go to the doc and get on some anti depressents so that you can make those changes in your life. If you continue being depressed,you will likely fail at weight loss and getting back to your old self. It's interesting that your husband noticed these changes in you,however,he didn't feel that he was part of the problem and continued to run you into the ground. He knew he had control and he was using it as best he could. Do not "hang onto" your marriage,you were abused,take the time to get control back into your life with you doing the controlling. Good luck.

Answer 3

First of all, you have an advantage....you are smart enough to divorce an abusive idiot which means you are smart enough to no longer tolerate his insecurity.

NOW..what you need to realize is...you should be smart enough to understand that his own insecurity is why he was abusive. Therefore, what he said to you was irrelevant. Nothing was true. They were mere words to bring you down to his level or lower. They were words to make him feel superior because his life was worth little. With that in mind, you should be smart enough to STOP believing you are 1/10 the person because your idiot husband said so. Consider the source...this coming from a man who has a lower self esteem than yourself.

What does this all mean? It means you are smart enough to realize you are far beyond the level of 1/10th. You are far beyond lost.

What you have to do now is erase all the criticism, belittled, abusive remarks from a controlling moron. His words meant nothing. You have to almost pity a man who's only good quality is to belittle another. You have to view this from afar and almost laugh. THen, you view the mirror and realize, that moron doesn't know what he is missing or what he will miss. Then you turn it around. You take control of your life. You display the independence, the intellect, the intregrity and the determination of a strong and confident woman. You show this moron how wrong he is and how you will be the one who prevails at the end. Because you are smart enough to realize the truth about your soon to be ex husband and smart enough to leave him...this is why I know you are smart enough to pull yourself out of this minor rut.

If you feel the need for a little push, then seek a therapist to open your eyes to what I just typed.

Good luck.

Answer 4

Lizzie,

Congratulations! Getting out of a verbally abusive relationship is THE best way to get yourself back.

BTW, if your verbally abusive husband tells you that "you're not 10% of who you used to be", I wouldn't give it another thought. He's a bully and not to be taken seriously.

I'm no shrink, but it sure sounds to me like your problem is, most definitely, your husband. He's suppressing you. Stay away from him. Complete the separation and you'll be MUCH happier.

The best way to get started is just to get started. I'm not trying to be a wise acre here, but it's true. Go for a short walk, Exercise with a friend. Gradually build up to it and you'll be there b4 you know it

Best of Luck, Lizzie

Answer 5

Divorce is so difficult to begin with. I think by you recognizing you have changed is half the battle.

When I got divorced from my physically abusive husband. I made a list of all the things I used to do and began to incorporate them into my daily life. It helped me so much. I will never be the exact same as before I married. However, I am much happier.

Answer 6

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Answer 7

don't feel depressed n go 4 holidays with ur friends,try to forget the past n play games,shopping,karaoke etc u w'd find life is so much fun.