What to do about tantrums?

Question

Hi all,
Need a little help with trying to figure out how to either stop or distract my two-year old from his tantrums. Once he starts one it is really hard to get him to calm down, he normally screams for about 20-45 mins before starting to calm down but the smallest things set him off. I can normally see them coming but by that point it is already to late to distact him. I f anyone has any ideas that could help I would appreciate it. Thanks.

Answer 1

Two-year-olds get easily frustrated.. there are so many things that they are not allowed to do and others that they still can't figure out on their own. They really want to do things on their own, but either aren't allowed or aren't able.

What kind of things set him off?

Is it that he consistently gets "no's" when trying to fool with things? If so, try to keep important things out of his reach (if he doesn't see it.. he won't be bothered that he can't play with it). And try not to worry about little things.. for example, if he wants to take all the books off the shelf, let him, and then have him help you pick them back up.

Does he want to do things by himself? Clearly, he can't fix his own bowl of cereal, but you can make him feel as if he is doing it by putting the cereal in a smaller container for him to pour in the bowl, and similarly, put the milk in a cup for him to pour in.

Is he tired? I found that my son's tantrums usually only occured when he was really tired. On days that he gets a good night's rest and has a nap, he is less likely to become frustrated by little things. I can no longer force him to take a nap, but he still naps on his own most days. If your son doesn't nap, have him go to bed a little earlier--such as 7 or 7:30.

Now.. how to deal with tantrums that occur anyway:
Well, you can do two things: ignore him or not. For some children, only one way will work.. the other will just make it worse.

With either case, let him know that you know he is upset. He may have trouble telling you how he feels, but if say, "I know you are angry..." he will at least feel as if you understand and start to connect those words with how he feels. In the future, he will be able to tell you he is upset rather than show you.

to ignore: tell your child that you can't help him, unless he can tell you whats wrong, and that he should come to you whenever he's ready. Leave the room. Be close by. And of course, if he starts banging his head against the wall--or some other undesirable behavior--intervene.

not ignore: You can either hold him or do something that he would want to take part in. Play with one of his favorite toys in front of him without offering for him to play.. he may want to join in.

And once he does calm down, praise him. Let him know you are proud of him for calming down.

And remember to set a good example: try not to overreact to little things (or anything for that matter). For example, if he does something wrong, act upset (so he knows he has upset you), but you don't need to yell. And when you are angry, let him know. "I am very upset you broke this dish." You are helping him to understand how to communicate his emotions. You are letting him know that it is okay to feel angry and there are good ways to deal with it. If you do happen to overreact, which we all do, apologize. Say, "I'm sorry I yelled at you about this, but I was very upset and this is really important to me."

Answer 2

I look my toddler in the eye and say in a calm, even tone: "No tantrums." If it continues I ignore it. I step over him at home and if he throws one in the grocery store, I just keep shopping in the same aslie until it's over or I will sit near him, pull out my iPod, sort receipts, etc. Once he realizes that I'm not going to respond or give in, he stops. He'll look up at me and I'll ask if he's finished. When he says yes, we go on. He's cut back drastically and the tantrums he does throw are shorter. We get some weird looks, but it works for us.

If he's throwing his little fit where he can get hurt, I relocate him to a safe area and ignore him there. *grin*

I found the book "The Strong Willed Child" by Dr. James Dobson very helpful with all of my children.

Good luck.

Answer 3

Just ignore him if you are at home, any attention positively reinforces the behavior. If you are unfortunately in public, stop whatever you are doing and go home. Tell him why the outing has ended and that this will happen EVERY time he behaves this way. Be firm and consistent or he will walk all over you. It is hard to do but worth it. I once left a full cart of groceries and had to take my son home and then do the shopping all over again.. It worked though, he is 13 now and a peach! Stand Tall mama!

Answer 4

I have a 4 year old who also did this. If we are at home and he has a little fit, as long as he is safe- I let him scream, I walk into another room as long as I can see him but he can't see me. It usally fizzles out soon because he doesn't have an audience. Afterwards we talk about what upset him- was he mad at something, etc. It's a little hard because they are so young. Above all I let him know he is loved and safe. If we are in public I try to move us to a restroom or out to the car- people love to stare and I need to remove the audience.

Answer 5

I agree with SMP1969. Tantrums feed on attention and thrive on a parents giving in. Ask the child to stop and inform them they will not get what they want by demanding or behaving badly. Put them in a safe place then Ignore them. Don't react in any way (positive or negative) until they quieten down - repeat the motions until they understand you will not change your mind.

Answer 6

he's screaming for your attention and he's going to continue to do so as long as you keep it up. ever watch supernanny? that show has helped me. what i did with my 2 year old when she threw a fit was to put her in time out. she will refuse to sit or stand there and think it's a game. i will have to continue to put her in timeout until she gets the point. this lasted almost two hours. but for two minutes she sat there. i told her she is not to behave that way (throw fits) and she had to apologize to me as i talked to her down at her (eye) level. distractions usually don't work, they are two, have an attention span of like 5 minutes. good luck.

Answer 7

if you are at home, then ignore him. if you are out, go home and ignore him. there is no reason for him to throw a tantrum if no one is watching him do it and he doesn't get what he wants from it

Answer 8

talk calmly at his level, and make it very clear what you want from him!! reward if good consequences if not good and stick with the same plan.. call nanny 911 or read there books there great