I have recently broke up with my boyfriend. Thing with us were very bad for over a year and i just got very fed up. I have been "talking" to a guy who is such an upgrade from what i was with. We hung out on valentines night and did the obvious. It seems like I'm a little nervous around him now and very distant. I don't chase him at all and i know he is used to being chased by girls. I dont think i miss my x-boyfriend, so why all of a sudden after a fun filled night with the new guy am i all weird an anxious around him.
2007-02-17 04:45:13 · 14 answers · asked by Sweetest sin <3 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
What's wrong is that you are in an emotional turmoil. For over a year you were with this boyfriend. Things weren't going so well, you got fed up so you two broke up. You say you don't think you miss him but you don't sound too sure. So you met this new guy that you refer to as an "upgrade". Strange word choice. It's not certain he would be flattered about being called that. It has unsavory concepts like he's a piece of computer equipment.
But whatever. You then you rebounded from your old boyfriend into this "upgrade" and threw yourself away in an evening of fun filled excitement. Now you're feeling the aftermath of this fling. You've crashed and guilt has set in.
The thing with rebounds is that anything that comes along is going to look a heck of a lot better than what was there before. In your case this seems likely since things weren't so going so hot for you during the past year. So anxiety has set in. You now realize that you moved too fast. On one hand you never resolved the issues with the previous boyfriend and on the other hand you've gotten intimately involved with a new person, the upgrade. Your nervousness stems from the fact that you have no solid foundation with him. At least with the old guy you knew where you stood. You were fed up sick and tired and you're kind of glad it's over. But this new guy. You two haven't gotten to know each other very well and in a short period of time you've taken the most important aspect of a relationship and given it away. Now you want to pull away. It's like you wished this never would have happened. Sort of like emeging from a car wreck trying to access damage control wondering how,or if, your life can ever be put back together.
I can only suggest a couple of things. If you're serious. First you need to come clean with this current friend. Tell him what you are feeling and you want, you need, to break it off with him. You're already being distant and he is problably feeling it. He'll probably be shocked or mad or whatever. But the way things are now you're not much good for him anyway and it's unlikely that things would improve. Second. For the next year you can't get involved with anyone. That means no dating no flings no flirting. Nothing that will get your emotions flared up. It's sort of being in lovers rehab only your drug of choice is your emotions. You've become addicted to them and you need to purge your system. Find something else to occupy your time and energy. During this time you can resolve all the old issues and put them to rest. Get to know yourself too. Sounds unreasonable for sure. But at the end of that time you will have a clean slate and a clear mind. You can start all over again without dwelling on the past and making the mistakes that were made before. When you realize it emotions are a drug like alcohol, too much food or money, sex or anything else that's excessive. Obtaining the emotional "rush" compels people to make bad choices have bad relations do bad actions. The difference between you're addiction and all the rest is you can have a relationship again. Hopefully this time though it will be a healthy, meaningful and fullfilling one. Not some sordid rebounded one nighter that you end up regretting.
2007-02-17 06:59:36 · answer #1 · answered by quantumview 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Stand next to something radioactive, something standing about waist high.
People aren't upgrades, appliances are. Oye. Be single for a while and grow up some, you might have a clearer view of it all with some maturity and self-reliance. It sounds like you need that more than anything.
Oh, and buy a vibrator.
2007-02-17 12:51:26 · answer #2 · answered by Thera 9 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
maybe because you did the obvious. Sometimes that makes people nervous, anxious, weery. Maybe you should talk to the new guy and see what he is feeling? Good luck dear!
2007-02-17 12:49:33 · answer #3 · answered by sarajanicew 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Y don`t u ppl put ur age down,so we know who we r talkin 2 ?
From what u said, my opinion is "u probably forced ur self on him
b-cause of ur old relationship. And u also say " HE`S used 2 being chased" sounds 2 me that he probably USED u 4 sexual purposes,only. It`s like gettin a new puppy,wen u were young.U r
goin 2 b nervous him cause u don`t quite know wat 2 talk about.
If u know any of his friends m Or f talk 2 them,and find out about how he treats his girl friends. Good luck---JOHN
2007-02-17 13:01:11 · answer #4 · answered by john g 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
This new guy is the get over guy. you used him to get over you ex, now move on. It's OK. You needed something to mark the "theoretical end" (closure) of your last relationship. This new guy is and never really was boy friend potentional. Now you can go and meet new people..This new guy. Let him you kow are not interested.
2007-02-17 12:57:10 · answer #5 · answered by old Joe Rocker 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
hey ur in a weird situation find out what the guy wants and everything will be back to normal
2007-02-17 12:51:15 · answer #6 · answered by kaynat 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Maybe cuz your scared that ppl will view you negatively cuz you left your x and are now with another guy. Dont worry. if he's an upgrade, be happy with him.
2007-02-17 12:49:09 · answer #7 · answered by Danny S 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Hes new so your nervous. You should not of gave it up to him so soon, but thats your decision
2007-02-17 12:49:06 · answer #8 · answered by sc 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you slept with a guy you didn't really know/were dating, and now things are awkward? hmmmm...
what else did you expect? a ring?
2007-02-17 12:48:15 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Because you should respect yourself and you are weird around him because it was probably revenge sex.
2007-02-17 12:48:54 · answer #10 · answered by michael m 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋