ok, i have three kids17,11,09. they are with us.he has three kids 12,11,09. the kids only get to visit us once in a blue moon, usually on hubbies week off. when we have all six together the fighting gets unreal! my opinon is the house rules should stand weather there is six kids or three kids. he feels bad cause he dosent get to see kids that much, and their home with their mother is very strict. im tired of the house being a free for all. how do we insure all kids dont feel picked on, or that we are being unfair???
2007-02-17 04:14:09 · 7 answers · asked by thepainter 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I think it's really important that the home rules are the same whether it's his 3 kids, your 3 kids, or all 6 kids. The different ages of kids should have different rules, 9 year old bedtime earlier than 17 year old bedtime, for example. But basic rules of courtesy and cleanliness, etc, should be enforceable, or the kids who visit once in a blue moon are going to take advantage and the kids who are there more often are going to feel disrespected.
2007-02-17 04:17:40 · answer #1 · answered by Sweet n Sour 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Hi there Pain,,
I could understand your frustration, but when I went through that exact scenario I had my EX yell at them here and there during the visits...I found that to be abusing and pointless as the kids knew that he would not get up and put them on a reflection time out... Sometimes when it is a bigger crowd, and we are not there to see it, then the people involved get to go to reflect as long as it takes them to get their story straight..
The ones that ended up on the reflection time for nothing ( as they were picked on ) get a reward, no matter how small or big..You the BOSS APPLE SAUCE.
I would also keep in mind that you both have children by other people ; therefore , it is very important to bite our top lip when discussing issues concerning the children in front of the kids...This should be done privately, then you can both sit down later with the child and discuss what it was that you and dad came up with as a solution and BOTH STICK BY IT..
It also has to be something that you and your spouse is comfortable with...
Hope that it helps . Either way, I will wish you all the best of luck.
KATT
2007-02-17 04:25:30 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
You and your husband, aside from the children, need to come together on this, and develop a clear understanding of what the "house rules" are... and the rules should apply in your home whether you're talking about your children, his children, or anyone else who's visiting. The two of you need to stand should-to-shoulder enforcing those rules.. so coming together on what the rules are is critical, so you can back one another up. If you don't, the children will see the conflict between you and just try to make it bigger.
2007-02-17 08:31:42 · answer #3 · answered by Amy S 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Rules should apply to all kids at all times in your home. Any exceptions made should apply to all kids. You should treat all 6 kids as if you're all a biological family, even though 3 of them are not with you all the time. It all boils down to them experiencing what a real family environment is like. This gives them the best opportunity for a "normal" upbringing as possible.
2007-02-17 04:19:36 · answer #4 · answered by Anomaly 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Let the family counselor you and hubby visit be your referee. You needn't take the kids with you, just let them know you're seeking input. The two of you can select a person you feel comfortable with, present your situation to him/her, and receive viable options for resolution. There'll likely be several approaches to making it all work out, to everyone's satisfaction (especially mom & dad!). A very few visits can suffice, and what a relief you'll feel to enact steps which have the backup of proven success, presented to you by a non-judgemental, trained professional with pride in facilitating others' success.
Contact the local Social Services Dept. (county pages, front of phone book) for leads, or the yellow pages under 'counselors/ing'. Ask about a "sliding fee" payment arrangement, this needn't cost an arm and a leg. When kids hear you've asked for guidance, they view you in a different light; your empowerment affects their estimation of your sincerity/seriousness in wanting the results you seek. I wouldn't suggest all this if I hadn't found out from experience (and I only have 2 kids to lose the handle with).
Best wishes for one big, happy family (stranger things have happened...). ;-)
2007-02-17 04:29:36 · answer #5 · answered by Zeera 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have 6 also and there is no way to make them feel they are being treated equal.
2007-02-17 04:16:45 · answer #6 · answered by discostu 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Have a family meeting and ask for the children's input as well.
2007-02-17 04:17:05 · answer #7 · answered by Myglassesarealwaysclean 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋