my boyfriend is 34!!!?

Question

I'm 20 years old and a Junior in college.....my boyfriend is 34 years old and has been out of college for a long time and has a professional job. Lately, I've noticed that age is the biggest factor for why we're arguing a lot.

Since I'm still very young and in college, I want to go out and have a great time on weekends. Other than going to classes and doing well in school, I dont have any responsibilities yet since my parents are taking care of all my financial needs.

However, my boyfriend doesnt go out as much on weekends, and he is more "adult like"....there are times when he acts more or less like my father than my boyfriend.

What can I do to overcome this bump in the road???

Answer 1

Well, I think in many ways you already answered your own question. You're a junior and should be enjoying some of the best teims of your life (right out of college, after getting your first job and hanging out with other people who just started is a blast, too). He's been there and done that. You are a very mature person, one of the things I'm sure he finds attractive in you, but you need to stretch your wings out a bit more, enjoy your first taste of independence. Bills will kill you 2 or 3 years out of school.

Good luck!!

Answer 2

Ok, Im 21 and a year ago was dating someone that is actually a little older than your boyfriend. Noone can judge because he is to this day one of the best relationships I ever had and one of my best friends. However, we had the same problem as you. When there is that kind of age gap there will be a lot of times you don't see eye to eye. For example... I wanted to go to a tanning bed and he had a huge problem with it because it could give you cancer. Granted, he might be right but he acted like he was my father about it. He did that ALOT! Sometimes even just treating me straight up like a child. Anyway, the best thing you can do is try to see his point of view. Alot of times someone older knows more from experience but at the same time don't sacrifice your youth. If the age becomes too much of a void then just like anyone else you arent completely compatible with, you should probably just move on. If you really care about him and you are really serious, you could try couples counseling, too. Maybe if he sees your point of view better he will quit treating you like a child and let you live a little.Hopefully that helped a little. Good luck.

Answer 3

I'm 35 and would never date a 20-25 year old for that reason. I'm not into the club scene anymore as I was in college. Just give me a small bar to play some pool and hang out with the guys and have a beer. It sounds like he was attracted to you because of your age, young and hot (maybe) so it's a fantasy come true for him to be able to get a college girl in bed. Now reality has set in and the age barrier is a problem. Cut ties with this because it won't ever get better. Or take turns doing each others hobbies. One weekend you guys chill out and the next go clubbin'. If you can't compromise then break it off and get someone closer to your age and that likes what you like.

Answer 4

Well ... that is a big age difference and a lot of times, that kind of relationship doesn't work out because you both are at two different levels in life. You're still young and want to go out, see the world and adventure where he has already done these things and had the chance to date and break up and so forth. Now that he's ready to settle down, he wants someone to do the same with him.
You may have to just let everything run it course because you don't really have control of this situation. What is bound to happen is going to happen as long as the two of you are in disagreement.

Answer 5

Well I am trying to get into a relationship with a divorced mom with 2 kids who is 39-40 years old and I am only 27.

Many 34 year old men go out on weekends and like to party. I have a friend who is 30 who still parties like a 21 year old. I wouldn't necessarily blame his age on that, that might of been the way he has been his whole life.

Make demands! Tell him you want to go out on the weekends and have fun. Tell him not to be such a bore! Tell him you will leave him if he doesn't start attending to your needs.

If you feel he is treating you like a child rather than a boyfriend, tell him. He might think he needs to protect you, and it may be easy for him to slip into a father mode, don't let him. He has to treat you like a lover not like his daughter.

Change his enviorment if you can. Change the way he sees himself. If he feels younger, he might act more like a young man. I am 27, but I act more like I am 19 : - ) I still get carded, many people think I am younger than 21.

Answer 6

This bump sounds like it soon will be a hill and then a mountain. At 34 I think he should still be thinking like a young person. It sounds like, in your case, the age difference, is and will continue to be a problem. A change is needed. You're too young to be having these problems. Enjoy life. Think about acting like an adult in another 30 or 40 years!

Answer 7

When I married my man I was 27 and still a student, he was 38.
We never have minded the gap between our ages.
He used to play bowling and go to discos after that till the day we married. I can tell you that we still go to parties and dance to all kinds of music. We do sports and travel to the end of the world.
I was very mature may be, having had a very fulfilled life of my own and born to parents in their forties.
My husband is 68 and I must tell you we partied till 6am last New Year.We go to restaurants every Saturday night.
I think all depends on the person. Some younger friends of mine would stay home, watching TV and go to bed early. They ask me how I can manage doing all that. We just like partying and enjoying life !!!

Answer 8

Unfortunately, you cannot change people as you will become the same when you reach his age. I think you will have to pass and look for someone younger, unless you love him so much.

I advise not to try to change people. Nobody has ever suceeded in that. For ex: If you date someone who is fond of doing something, then it is very unlikely that this habit will be left behind by time.
Imagine if I dating someone but I can't tell her not to do somethign she is obviously fond of, that can range from staying at home, eating pizza, watching TV or even going out for a movie, dining, or even travelling abroad.

Answer 9

My boyfriend is actually, also 34.

I'm a soldier stationed at Ft. Riley, 23, and have been deployed a few times.

My boyfriend also wants to stay home all the time, and never wants to go out. We have compromised that I will go out, and he can stay at home, as long as I don't do anything with the other boys around here.

So to answer your question...

No idea.

Answer 10

Age is just a number. Why are you still with him if you are that unhappy with him? He doesn't sound like the one you are looking for and don't expect he will change or you can change him. So do some self searching and figure out what you really need and want in a relationship.