Is it inappropriate to have a second baby shower when your kids are 2 different sexes and 10 years apart?

Question

If I'm overreacting, please say so, but this really has me upset.

I asked my mother if there was any way that we could arrange to have a baby shower for my daughter, who is going to be here in May. It's been ten years since I have been pregnant with my son, and I did not have anything with him. I had a tiny baby shower (I was unmarried at the time, so my mother didn't invite hardly anyone, and apologized for the inconvenience to everyone when they were leaving) with my son, and used the crib that was MINE when I was an infant (in other words, it was being held together by duct tape due to the fact that I couldn't afford anything else) to hold him). The only things I got at that shower were a couple of outfits and a few packages of diapers. It's not like I got a ton of big things.

I only asked her, though, and she laughed at me. She told me that I was being a spoiled brat by asking, and that people don't have two showers. She also made it clear that I was to go to a friend

of her's shower, and that if anyone asked me when I was having mine, to tell them that we're still deciding on a date (I'm not going to this, by the way. I'm almost thirty, and I really don't have to "obey" my mother, anymore).

I didn't feel like I was asking for much... I mean, that's what baby showers are for, aren't they? I could understand if she felt that way if I was having another boy two years after my first, but I'm not.

Is it really that bad to want another one to help with the financial burden of new baby things?

Answer 1

Sometimes people can say the most idiotic things to us. More often then not, it's someone we think highly of, like our parents!! It sounds as if she was more ashamed that you didn't do things the "right" way the first time around and that's why she apologized to the folks that attended your previous shower. Her laughing reaction this time around is just that she's still trying to punish you for your 'mistake' 10 years ago. Her ignorance in having 2nd baby showers though isn't all her fault because they just didn't do that kind of thing back when she was having babies.

It is 2007, and it is NOT inappropriate to have a baby shower this time around!! You spoke of the first time around you were 'alone' and you had a small shower to cover things.....well, now that this time you did things "right" and you're married, what about the family on your husband's side??? Don't they want to see this baby have a shower? How fair of your mom to say something so ridiculous, all the while not thinking of her son-in-law's family. If you want to know how I look at it --- this is really your FIRST baby shower. So there!!

I'm certain that anyone that attended your "so called first" shower wouldn't mind coming to this one. Women love babies and baby showers. They like buying cute outfits and fun baby items. If there is someone that feels the same way as your mom they just won't attend. And that's fine too.

Go ahead, have yourself that baby shower - guilt free - and enjoy every minute of it. Get with a few of your girlfriends or hubby's family and make it everything you ever wanted it to be!!

(Don't forget to send your mom an invite =D)

Good Luck with the baby.

Answer 2

Oh my. I am so sorry you are being treated this way. You are not overreacting. Your mother is just an uncaring jerk. She is your mother so you kind of have to have some type of relationship with her, but I would not consider her a source of support, comfort or an advocate. I hope you do have a friend or coworker who is able to be these things for you or maybe even a member of the daddy's family? Invite friends, etc, but I'm not sure I would invite your mother since she clearly disapproves and would make your special day an unhappy one.
I am due in July w/ my 1st and have noticed pregnancy brings out the best or the WORST in people. Luckily most people are happy for me. Only a few have made some strangely mean comments or their actions have been ugly, but it is still very surprising.
How about a couples shower? I've been to 2 recently where the mother to be's friends and the father to be's friends are invited. The guys were really good at guessing the size of the tummy (with rope). The boys all laughed and joked at their buddy's predicament - slapping him on the back etc and it was a fun time. Another good game was some gross stuff in diapers that everyone had to guess at. The guys were gagging and making faces and the girls were laughing hysterically.
I wish you all the best.

Answer 3

I think you SHOULD have a shower, after all its a GIRL!!!

Besides, the styles have changed drastically in 10 years and I'm sure you didn't keep anything that can be reused. I am 36/37 and having my first. I don't have anything so I am having a HUGE shower.

I wouldn't worry about what your mother thinks, you are 30 and your own person. If you can't financially buy everything you are going to need (and I mean everything) you NEED a shower to help you out. If your mother still doesn't approve, then tell her (this is cruel) that SHE IS NOT INVITED to the shower. Find someone who can HELP you and throw it yourself. Most people you know will be thrilled to attend a shower and bless you with gifts no matter how small (every little bit helps).

Your mother (and mine) grew up in different eras....and they didn't do that sort of thing. Even when I decide to have my 2nd, even if it is the same sex, I will have another one just to get the small stuff I will need like diapers, wipes, shampoos, etc. Besides, it's a time to CELEBRATE the NEW BABY, not your mother. If it makes you feel any better, even MY mom says you NEED one!!!

I hope this helps and I hope you DO have a shower. You will be VERY happy you did!!

If you have concerns that I may be able to help you with, feel free to email me [e-mail] (just put your name and referance topic so I don't delete it as junk mail). GOOD LUCK!!!

Answer 4

It's hard for me to answer because I'm English and we don't have baby showers here, so please excuse my ignorance!

I always assumed that a baby shower was a party to celebrate the arrival of a new baby and spoil the new mum a bit before her life got turned upside down. I would have guessed that you would have a bigger shower for your first baby (after all it is a big milestone in your life) but would still have one for other babies, after all they are special too.

I imagine the focus of a shower would be on celebrating with your friends, and if they wish to give you gifts then that is up to them. It is also up to them how much they want to spend. If you throw a birthday party it is an opportunity to have fun, not to ask for cash, and I would imagine a baby shower to be like that. (Although at the same time of course people will give you gifts, you wouldn't go to a birthday party empty handed would you?)

You have not had a baby in your life for a long time and I imagine your life has changed a lot since then. Go ahead and ask a friend to help you. Tell your mother that your daughter is just as important to you as your son is and that you are going to celebrate with your friends. While you would like your mum to be there you will not have her ruin the day, so if she feels she can't support you then she should not come. Then get on and enjoy yourself!

Good Luck!

Answer 5

I've truly under no circumstances had a child shower with any of my infants (*pout*), no longer even my first regrettably. I suggestion it was once common to have others throw you a shower, so because no person did, I failed to get one. Funnily ample, i'm having my last infants now, a collection of twins, and i've heard on the grapevine that my DP's mother and her sisters are madly planning a twin baby shower for me. That'll be intriguing lol. Anyway, i do not suppose it can be mistaken to have a child bathe for every child, or to have a shower for the primary, and a welcoming get together for the others...It is thoroughly as much as you. You might invariably placed on the invitations enormous letters saying NO items PLEASE. I'd count on that'd let individuals off the duty hook. I agree that each youngster is just as predominant to have a good time as the other, and i rather consider that your mom and sister should have minded their possess business significantly. But however, that is what families do *sigh*, stick their noses in as if they've each right *roll eyes*. Oh and that i SO AGREE, hurt Locker should certainly not have received.

Answer 6

First off, there are no "Rules" for showers....at all...ever. So, YES, have one!!!! And be HAPPY about it!!!
I get tired of hearing people whine about more than one shower...if you don't like it, don't attend. It's that simple. Then people say it's about gifts...No, not necessarily. But let's go with that theory...Would they attend your childs 1st birthday party? 2nd? 3rd? and would they show up with a gift? Yes, i am sure they would. What on earth is the difference???? It's like a prebirthday party and they are great. If people are concerned about the money aspect, they could make you something and i'm sure you would appreciate it. Like a scrapbook, quilt, or anything like that. Heck, even the dollar stores sell baby items!!! So, have your shower, and if you don't have "siblings" to throw it for you, ask a friend, or just do it yourself if your mother won't support you!! Congrats on your baby, and have fun at your shower.
I am preg. with my third and had a shower for my first one, then didn't have a shower when i was preg with my second 5 years later, but now I am having one with my girl, BUT it is totally informal and we are just going to have a goofy bowling party...gifts optional only!! It's a party for crying out loud!!

Answer 7

Yes you can have more then one baby shower. You can have one for every baby you have. If you want one have one.
Your mom also might be planing a surprize one on you or doesn't want to throw you another one. Its really up to you though.
One way so that if you do end up with a surprize on tell your freinds you plan on having one 2-3 weeks after the birth of your baby... That way they can see the infant and cherish it them.
Now having 2 baby showers for the same kid rarely happens, but it does sometimes, depends on how well the familys get along but sometimes it ends up one at Moms and one at Mother-in-laws...
But anyway 1 baby shower per baby is just fine!!!

Answer 8

baby showers are for the babys. if you want another one for your second non same sex child than have one. my mother in law said the same thing about my sister in laws second baby shower and hers was the same sex. you need so many things for babys that its only natural that you want some help with the expences and im sure your friends will be extatic that you want them to be a pate of your babys "help out" party. by the way my mother had a baby shower for all three of us kids. and i fully intend to have a baby shower for my second whan it comes time to have another. and as foe you not telling anyone about the date of your party at someone elses baby shower. if thay ask than that usually means thay are wondering if, when, were, and if there invited so go ahead and tell people if you are asked. one other thing i know how it is to have your first baby shower when you are a single parent and no one is supportive its just no fun you desirve to have a real baby shower and if your mom throughs a fit don't invite her!!! your baby shower should be fun and a celebration of this new life you are bringing into the world. becids if you go to the web site in my sorces you will find thet a lot of people agree with me. trust me.
so congrats and i hope i have cleared up some fog for you

Answer 9

Have your shower. My children at 13yrs 1 month and 15 days apart. I never had a shower for either of them as my first was a micropremature infant not expected to live and my son graced us a month early. Now if you were having a shower a year or two apart then I'd say you were selfish, no offense

Answer 10

Congratulations!! I think you should definitely have a shower! It might be different if you were having another boy and it was just a couple years ago. Hopefully you have some good friends that will make a fuss over you. Really, the shower isn't for you, it's for your baby. Tell your mom to stay home if she doesn't approve.