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My friend has recently lost her mother and is wondering if her kids really know what's going on and if they are expressing their grief appropriately. Have you ever had to explain death (of a grandparent) to a young child? How did they respond?

2007-02-17 02:24:00 · 18 answers · asked by nangari 3 in Family & Relationships Family

18 answers

My husband died recently after an extended illness which allowed for time to explain to our grandson about the disease, surgery, treatment and death. Children are smarter than we adults sometimes think and if given the information slowly and truthfully, it is easier to cope with the death of someone close.

Above all, children should be told the truth and even though grieving yourself, shower them with much love and affection, talk about the lost loved one, and tell them you miss the loved one too. I also gave my grandson an 8x10 of him and his grandpa to hang on his wall plus a small photo binder with pictures of all the fun times we had together.

2007-02-17 02:55:05 · answer #1 · answered by Tess 1 · 2 0

each child is different....I think it's best to explain it as simply and non-scary as possible. Reassure the child that grandma is now in a place where she feels only peace, and don't DWELL on it. The kids will give signals. My Dad passed away when my kids were 4 (almost 5) and 6. My 6 year old had already spoken about his fear of death and dislike, and I kept him from the funeral, I didn't want him to be scared. My almost 5 year old handled the funeral well, she put dirt on the grave for her older brother since he didn't go....and then weeks later I found her 're-enacting' the funeral with stuffed animals, and we talked about it a little bit. I had spoken at the funeral, and I think THAT part really stuck with her more than anything else. Both children like to talk about their Papa, and I talk about him, and they both say they are sad that they miss him, and five seconds later they are on the topic of candy or cartoons. I think a parent should reassure their young child, if you are religious, anything that your belief tells you that's reassuring, share with them, and don't make a bigger deal out of it than that. There is no more or less appropriate expression of grief for anyone, young or old. We all deal with it the best we know how, and the best thing you can do for your child is to give them concrete coping skills. For example: if the child says they feel sad, tell them that it's OK to feel sad, and perhaps they would like to draw a picture to express their feelings. Or if they are a little older, tell them that when they start to feel sad about missing grandma, to try to remember something fun or a good memory. Grandma wouldn't want them to spend a lot of time being sad. Or perhaps include them in laying flowers on the grave or some other ritual. It all depends on the age and child.

2007-02-17 03:25:51 · answer #2 · answered by reddevilbloodymary 6 · 1 0

A great deal of it has to do with religion and ethnic background. I am Catholic. Of course we are told they go to heaven. I've found that explain that we are children of God and that he only sends us down here for a little while and then wants us to go "home" works well. As they grow older, they will learn more about truth, so to say. Depending like I said your values and beliefs that you instill in your children, is how they will 'learn' what death is. As far as if they express grief appropriately...well, everyone is different. I cried for my great grandfathers passing for about 2 minutes and accepted that he was better off now than he was in life. And as for my 2nd great grandfather that passed away, we were closer, I balled for about a week. So it depends on the relationship they had. Best I can say is don't let them ball it up inside, talk to them about it casually. But make sure the parent is ready to handle a conversation without too much emotion. It will be difficult if it was their parent, but they can't allow themselves to show their children that (crying and being hysterical) being like this is the way to deal with death. I don't know if this will help, but I hope it gives some insight.

2007-02-17 02:33:51 · answer #3 · answered by ? 2 · 2 0

I think that the young children understand that the person won't be coming back because they went to heaven but I don't think that they really understand the whole magnitude of the situation. My son is 10 and one of his best friends father passed away yesterday morning. I told him about it last night and all he said was OH OK I guess he won't be in school next week because of the funeral. Then he went about doing his thing like it was no big deal. They just don't really comprehend the whole death thing.

2007-02-17 02:37:44 · answer #4 · answered by unicornfarie1 6 · 1 0

The best thing you can tell them is the truth. Tell them that she died. The child will, of course, be upset, but that is what happens when someone dies. If you don't explain it now, it will be much worse later when the child asks "Why doesn't Grandma come see me?"

Yes, I have explained it (several times) to my daughter, the first time when she was three. Yes, there was crying, and asking "Why?", but that's the same reaction most adults have, also.

Honesty is extremely important with children.

2007-02-17 02:34:53 · answer #5 · answered by J.R. 6 · 1 0

Death is a put of life. To explain to a child try to put in perspective of a childs mind. Let them ask the questions first. This way you are not putting more ideas in their heads. Life is a precious to all but we all do have to die. Time is the healing of death to all in this world. Good luck.

2007-02-17 04:01:33 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1 0

If the kids is almost a teenager,they are ready for the truth.But if they are small kids just say the person is going to a very long sleep.When it's about time they realize the person is not waking up,
that's the time they truly know the meaning of death.

2007-02-17 02:37:25 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0 1

It depends how old the children are, and how everyone else is responding/acting around them. They will only act depending on how the family is, otherwise inevitably they will come to understand death at a more appropriate age, where it will be more easier to understand the truth.

2007-02-17 02:29:00 · answer #8 · answered by sorrowlaughed25 3 · 1 1

well the most simplest and common way is to tell them that they(the deceased person) have been called by God because he needs them and it will take quite a long time for them to come back.it is also important for you to tell them that everyone one in this whole wide world will be called upon by God some day.but if the child is matured enough to understand then, it is always better to tell them what the truth is.but whatever it is situations like these should be handled very patiently.hope this helps and my condolences to your friend.

2007-02-17 02:36:07 · answer #9 · answered by radhika 3 · 1 1

depending on the age you tailor the way you explain it. death is a part of life and it happens to every living thing on the earth. it's not bad in itself tho there are terrible ways to die.

2007-02-17 02:30:58 · answer #10 · answered by billyjoemikey 3 · 1 0

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