Career or stay at home mom?

Question

I have three children who are all finally in school. This year I decided to go back to school to get my teaching degree. I felt like it was time to do something for myself. The problem is now I feel like I'm missing out on being a hands on mom because of the time I spend on school work and classes. I know that having a career would benifit my children in the long run-and add to our salary-but I miss being able to be the soccer mom that I have always dreamed of being. I'm not very good at multi-tasking, so I feel like if I continue with school full time then my children and my church will only get whats left. I think my children and church should come first.(My husband is a preacher). Should I cut back on classes, quit school, or convince myself that my children not being able to spend quality time with their mother for awhile will be okay?

Answer 1

I'm not sure if this will help any since it's just my opinion, but my mother wasn't a stay at home mom. Sure she'd spend time with my brother, sister, and I, and we had a good relationship all growing up, but as a kid I'd wish she would be around more for us to talk to and do things with. A long story short, I turned out alright even though my mother wasn't home from like 8 AM to 6 PM.
I would say in the long run it doesn't make a difference, but I'd also have to say that it's probably better to be around for them if it's possible.

Answer 2

I stayed home for 2 separate years for maternity leave and the rest of the time I've been working. I hate doing housework, and certainly did not spend the whole day doing housework when I stayed home! I think the individual tasks take the same amount of time, but when I stayed home, we made more of a mess and so I cleaned up more often. I used to bake almost everyday and that creates a lot of dishes (no dishwasher :( ) and now I don't bake nearly as much. My kids used to be home playing and doing messy art which required cleaning and tidying but now they're at school, and were at daycare. So it's just a different amount of work and different type of work now. On the weekends I still have similar types of messes. Also, when I stayed home, I had more energy to care about stuff. I used to buy my kids clothes that needed hand-washing. Yeah, I don't buy such clothes anymore because there is no way I would ever feel like hand washing their clothes. I also used to rotate the toys so I'd take all their toys off the shelves and put a different set of toys in every 2 weeks. I don't do that anymore either.

Answer 3

If you feel like you're missing out on things with the kids, then spend more time with them. Don't "quit" school, finish out the current session you're in now, and postpone registering until there is a point in time where you're more comfortable not being home. You have a right to pursue a career (and a life) for yourself. You also have a need to be there for your kids. I don't know the ages of your kids, but I do know, that at some point, you have to learn to let go of being there 100% of the time. They're not going to resent you because you're not there, in time, they'll learn to appreciate what you're doing, because you're working to improve the quality of your life. For YOU, for your family.

I stayed home for ten years to raise my two children. When they were in school full time, I decided it was time to do something for myself again. I went to school (at night), I worked part time for extra money, and I did what I could, when I could. The kids were great, and there was never a day either of them said, "Mom..I sure do wish you were home more." It all works out. Life has a way of working things out in a fashion that pleases every one.

On the statement, "so I feel like if I continue with school full time then my children and my church will only get whats left." You need to do for YOU >>>first<<<, because if you are complete, then you will be able to do for others. If you're feeling less of a person because you can't be there, or inadequate, you're just going to be substituting your motherly duties for fullfillment. It doesn't work. There's nothing wrong or selfish with wanting to put yourself first, in this instance- school, education, bettering yourself, so that you can be the best you can be ..for everyone else later.

Answer 4

Snap! My three children are now all at nursery and school so I am nearly finishing a course to get me into university. I want to contribute to getting our family into a nicer house in a better area but at what cost. I'm constantly stressed, my kids don't get the valuable quality time they should when deadlines are tight. As a stay at home mom I was often looked upon as old fashioned and maybe lazy for not being out at work. People are quick to criticise parents of children who go off the rails but there is no financial or social support for mothers who give their all to their children instead of earning money for others to look after them and have nice cars and holidays. I have no idea what is for the best but I do know I don't want to look back when they're grown up and wish for the time back. I have also read statistics that show children of parents with a university education are much more likely to go to uni themselves. It's a tough one.

Answer 5

Well if your kids are all at school why can't you only attend classes during the time they're at school? Reduce your course load enough so that with homework it only takes at most 5-6 hours a day. That allows you to do both.

I've seen single mothers pull off full-time jobs and still manage to drive their kids to soccer games. There's no reason you can't do the same with school and ask your husband to pick up some slack.

It sounds like you just need better time management. Perhaps you just got too used to the slower paced life. So how bad do you want it? How bad do you want an education and how bad do you want that extra income? It sounds like you're just asking for an excuse.

Answer 6

Go to college and become a teacher. You will be able to assist your children with their homework as they progress in school. Your desires are important too. If you are not happy, no one else will make you happy. Follow the desire of your heart. While you are going to school, you will feel the guilt along the way, but in the long run (which matters) you will have a degree and a family who will learn from you. They will learn hard work and devotion. Quality time....once a week plan a special surprise...dinner, movies, picnic, park, swimming, fishing...and don't tell them...just pile them in the car and make it a surprise!! from a working mother of three and a happy marriage of 18 years.

Answer 7

what you are doing now will benifite your children later I have a three year old and she has been in daycare since she was 1 and I and she could not be happier she has more friends than i do she is very friendly and well rounded not to mention more intellegent than most three year olds she knows her abc's how to count to 20 and even some geography and thats not because of phonics or really me she is in a great learing envirement with children her own age Meanwhile im working for who? thats right her i make enough money to send her to that school,pay for clothes feed her(given)and make a savings in her name in the bank whats wrong with that Your husband is a precher have him take the children to church if you cant its ok to have him share the responsibilities there his children to.children need space from their parents thats how we grow as individuals your children know you love them and we know that to so stop feeling guilty it really is ok and whatever you do dont quit your job even the best mothers in the world need to feel like a part of society good luck and god bless

Answer 8

More sooner than later the kids are going to find their own niches. You are showing them that a woman can work. I am sure the schedules can merger between you and your husband if you keep in mind that the school is part of "your time". I really did both and now I am a grandmother going through the oldest starting school in far away September. I still have my computer skills and hope to get re employed soon. Enjoy school....

Answer 9

My mom went to get her teaching degree right about when my little brother started school. We were never upset about it. In fact, I recently expressed my appreciation for her desire for her own career. If she didn't, we wouldn't have any income right now (my dad is out of work). Sure, Mom was tired and upset at not being able to spend as much time with us, but it was worth it. You should definitely go for it.

Answer 10

Get your degree while you can you never know whats going to happen tommorrow, let your kids know the time you are going to need and how its going to affect them. That it's a family sacrafice and it will benefit everyone. Just let your kids know how you feel, I'm honest with my kids and there great.Alot of times my kids give me advice. I'm sure you'll have time for the most important things like hugs and kisses. And talking about how everyones day went. You always remember the simple memories.