i slowly turned the dark corner, my eyes half closed and my whole body shaking. i quickly drew in a cold breath. i turned my head, hoping my fears were 100% wrong. they werent. the door was opened again. he was here.where exactly, i didn't know. hoping he wasn't as close as i thought, i went down the dimly lit stairway. that was my first mistake. clinging to the cold wall, frightened by my own breathing, i finally reached the door. opening it was my second mistake. i peered my hear around the edge of the door. there he was.
i have to write a fiction story for my 7th grade english teacher, and i was wondering if after reading this, you would want to read more? constructional criticism welcome. thanks!
2007-02-17 01:15:44 · 10 answers · asked by stevie_girl 2 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
yep its good :)
2007-02-17 01:18:28 · answer #1 · answered by pinkdiamond954 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i am currently in mark twain, a jr high skool i worked really hard to get in. i am the 6 th grade and that would be something normally written in my creative wrtinging class. Anyways, i love the details and kept me to the edge my seat.
can u send me the continuation of this to my email : namidanohiai@yahoo.com
that was a relly good job you did.
my construtive critisizm would be:
maybe.... maybe u can tell wuts going thru ur head while ur doing all this action.
2007-02-17 09:23:28 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think its good. I would want to read more.
BUT----- if you are really wanting us to feel what you are saying, try a few more adjectives. Like, just for instance, I was shaking so much it was hard to hold onto the railing, or trembing so much in fear and hearing my own heart beat make it hard to concentrate.
Know my meaning???? It is good though. I am an avid reader and I love to "feel" what the author "MEANS"
GOOD JOB!!!
2007-02-17 09:21:36 · answer #3 · answered by Momofboys 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well in the 1st paragraph the sentences are kinda choppy (like short) you can easily fix it by putting in commas! and i think in the last sentence "i peered my (hear) should it be ear? and if it was how would you see with your ear? haha otherwise it was awsome! Even better then more people in my grade. (8th)
2007-02-17 09:21:19 · answer #4 · answered by Caro♥♪ ♫ 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
wow now thats a really good story i wouldnt mind reading that over and over again wow thats really good i have to say
your on your way
i jjst wanna know how it ends lol
2007-02-17 09:29:33 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
That story is so good that it should be made a film.
2007-02-17 09:43:57 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds good but i want to know WHAT HAPPENS NEXT!!!!!!
it's better than what i could write
bob was bored so he went in a boat but he was too fat and it sunk. bob died :-( THE END
See? you would get at least a B+++ wit what you hav now
I would have at most an F---------------------------
2007-02-17 09:23:41 · answer #7 · answered by tabproduction 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yeah, but describe "him" more, and what he will do to you if he finds you before he found you. Does that make sense?
2007-02-17 09:21:50 · answer #8 · answered by knonokang 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds quite good!!! When you've finished it, would you email it to me so that i can read it?
2007-02-17 09:26:22 · answer #9 · answered by littlekitty 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the typical beginning of a porn scene
2007-02-17 09:18:58 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋