I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years, today is our anniversary. We bought a house and have lived here for 3 years. He knows I want to get married or at least get engaged. I said we don't have to get married right away, I am just ready to move to the next step. He says he wants to get married someday but is not ready now. How much longer will it take for him to be ready? I mean 5 years is a long time. I get frustrated and tired of waiting. What do you think?
2007-02-17 00:11:02 · 15 answers · asked by Jennifer 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I haven't proposed because I am traditional. I think he should do it. Plus he said he isn't ready :(
2007-02-17 00:15:05 · update #1
I think you have to decide to make up your own mind. Talk with your guy about how long he thinks you should be together before getting engaged and married. Talk to him about how long you think you should be together before doing so. Certainly you've been together long enough to know whether or not it's worth a more solid, more committed bond. But know that some people think of marriage as taking away their "freedom of choice," and marriage itself can destroy the closeness. So, you have to decide what's important to you. You can get away from your guy and probably at some point will find someone who will love you and want to marry you, or you can hold out indefinitely for marriage to the guy you're with. Only you can decide if your relationship with him is worth it. If you stay, it's best not to pressure him though. He will let you know when/if he's ready.
2007-02-17 00:31:58 · answer #1 · answered by Laura Renee 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Many a man are scared at giving up their dear freedom.
It is made much more easier for them nowadays that most girls are not financially dependent on them. Morals have undergone a change and it is commonly accepted that two persons may live together without getting married. Men are no longer under the pressure of moral contengencies. The contraceptive pill has given them more freedom as they don't fear an unwanted pregnancy to happen in the middle of a relationship.
This increased sense of freedom makes it harder for them to abandon their.
So many a couple are living like this. The only one who can resent frustration is the woman.
I know a couple who finally got married under the pressure of their 12 year old son. The latter wanted to live in a kind ofmore normallife in his opinion.
So having children can help some men overcome their fears for a true engagement.
2007-02-17 00:23:58 · answer #2 · answered by Miss Bo 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you asked him WHY he's not ready? Talk to him about it some more
OR give him an ultimatum, lets get engaged or I'm leaving. If he doesn't want to get engaged LEAVE.
BUT, before giving that ultimatum, talk to him about it. Sit him down at the table and discuss it.
Good luck.
Also, I've known some relationships that they didn't get engaged until after six years. And they are still married.
2007-02-17 00:16:13 · answer #3 · answered by Terri 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No mean spirit intended here, I've always heard the saying that "you teach people how to treat you." It sounds like you have been pretty patient with him AND continued the relationship as if he was aiding in the growth of it, at least the outward signs of a growing relationship.
Ask yourself, have I continued to extend myself to him and this relationship more than he has?
Does he seem comfortable taking what I have to give and not reciprocating equally in this relationship?
Do I give more support, appreciation, etc. to him than I receive?
Is my relationship unequal?
Have I not stood up to demand a good measure of equality in committment, support, and dedication to the growth of my relationship?
This may help to make clear the roles you both have taken in the relationship. It sounds like you are a very giving, patient person. If that is true, you need to be appreciated for those wonderful qualities. There is no lack of men looking for the type of person you are; men call it "low maintence."
Is it time to draw the line or can you be happy in the relationship that has already been created?
2007-02-17 00:24:37 · answer #4 · answered by ? 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all I wouldn't have bought a house with someone I wasn't married to. He could walk away from the relationship and leave you with a mortgage to pay.
"I get frustrated and tired of waiting" and who told you to wait for five years? That obviously was your CHOICE. What I think is that you CHOSE to waste your time and NOW you want to complain about it.
2007-02-17 00:17:27 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
100 points for you being traditional coz that's the way it should be and the guy should propose to you first. and why the hell are you yet living with him ,is it coz your insecure or something.
when you decide to live in with some one then rule no 1 should be that you are financially and emotionally independent .
have a talk with your boy and tell him full on about your emotions and the way you feel. see his reactions and whether he is hot on the commitment for marriage issue. give him some thinking time and if he yet does not give you answers or gives you partial unsatisfying answers, then as hard as it may be ,you gotta move on and tell him very sweetly and lovingly 'honey i need to move out' and get a guy for yourself who wants to settle down.
2007-02-17 00:27:12 · answer #6 · answered by spin spin sunshine 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Why are you wasting your time with him? He will never want to get married, he can't commit. It has been 5 years and still he hasn't even proposed! What are you doing with him? Why would you want a husband that can't commit and doesn't want the responsibility of a marriage?
2007-02-17 00:31:22 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I waited 27 years, and nothing do not be like me
give him a deadline if he cannot meet the ultimatum
then leave, or you will never get married at all............
I am leaving, and looking for someone else, the
man I chose was not only the wrong one, but not
committed to anything, least of all me.........................
2007-02-17 00:18:50 · answer #8 · answered by gorglin 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
cold down cold down.. mabye he not ready yet.. or he have some family problem like parents divorce? try to give him some time.. maybe u tell him the true about that u cant wait anymore.. and u want to move to another level.. try to be honest to him.. make him understand.. that might make him move to another steps with u.. good luck and all the best.. :)
2007-02-17 00:14:42 · answer #9 · answered by Andy 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
well there are two answers. the 1 one is that you can dump him or pretend to not really like him any more and say that you are tired. 2 you can wait and maby he is planing something right now!!!
2007-02-17 00:22:40 · answer #10 · answered by stewart m 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋