Anybody else find it difficult relating to one's daughter in law?

Question

I believe it is easier if it is a daughter's hubby. Know what I mean.

Answer 1

Always the same daughters in law never relate well with there Mother in Law. Nothing can be done about it i'm afraid its the transfer of maternal rights from Mother to Daughter and the threat that the son can always return to the nest.

Answer 2

I happen to be a daughter in-law. I don't know your exact situation, but I've learnt from my own experience as well as others' most of the time when mothers in-law & daughters in-law don't get along it's because the mother in-law meddles too much. As a daughter in-law, you do want to have a good relationship with your mother in-law, if for nothing else at least for your husband. So reflect on your relationship, do you think you meddle too much on your son & daughter in-law's business, wether it's their lifestyles, their jobs, or the worst, their children. If you think you do, just back off completely, hard as it may be. Believe me, your daughter in-law will respect and love you much more.

Answer 3

As a daughter in law can I put across my point of view?

As a fully grown women it is difficult for me to be mothered, sometimes I find mother-in laws try to mother you when in fact its better to try to be your friend.
Its easier to relate to your son in law because men like to be mothered, wereas a woman likes to take care.
Try to find common interests the same way you would a work friend. Often the best advise is no advise.

Answer 4

put the shoe on the other foot. how do you think your daughter in law feels? she really wants your approval but, she always has that feeling that she will never be good enough for your baby boy. it's time for mothers of boys to let them go. you are teaching them to be mama's boys. why is it that mothers are so hard on their daughters, as far as making sure that they are independent, and responsible. but, your baby boys can do what ever they want. my neighbor has 2 boys. their youngest (29) works at a restaurant as a manager, still lives at home, and allows his girlfriend to stay the night. i see this all the time. why do you moms allow this type of behavior from your sons? this would be totally unacceptable if a daughter did this. so think about how you would feel.

Answer 5

I don't have this problem - maybe because I didn't get on with my mother in law! Nothing I did was good enough, there were constant comments about everything!
We had massive problems in our family because of it. The advice I can give you is to be grateful that she loves your son and returns his love. Their home is their business. There is never any reason for jealousy - how silly is that? You love your son is a totally different way, not in a physical way.
I have two daughter-in-laws and I get on with both. If I can help them, I will. And I never ever criticise them. If my sons love them, that's good enough for me. I would not wish to add to my son's burden by makign their life difficult.

Answer 6

I understand what you mean, we are always hearing about the wicked mothers in law but hardly ever hear about the inconsiderate daughters in law. I think sometimes we try too hard and then it comes back to us as interfering. But they always know where we are when they are in trouble, and we are always there for them. I am going to back off my daughter in law a bit, I am always willing to help her mainly with babysitting but I must try to say no sometimes so I am not taken for granted so much. Good luck to you.

Answer 7

im a daughter-in-law and am lucky enough to have an angel of a mother-in-law.maybe you're a bit jealous of your daughter-in-law without realising it. she is after all now the number one woman in your sons life. have you tried spending time with her, getting to know her, without your son? my mother-in-law and i often go out for lunch, shopping etc. sometimes my husband comments that its me she comes to visit rather than him! please give her a chance,you dont say about kids, but if grandchildren possible how do you think they would feel to know you're not keen on their mum?it could be case of clashing personalities but only you will be able to know that.my sister-in-law reckons her mum treats me like another daughter so i'm one of the lucky ones.sometimes its hard to adjust to another person having a say in our lives,maybe she feels the same?could be a nice chat will clear the air.whatever you decide your son cant be made to feel as if he's taking sides.. if you really cant get on with her im afraid you're just going to have to grin and bear it.you never know you may end up liking her a lot, hopefully xx

Answer 8

I don't relate to my mother-in-law. Perhaps the key is to acknowledge your daughter-in-laws efforts to make a home for your son, that she loves him,That she hasn't all your life experience and may make mistakes,and most important if your son has something to say about his wife make sure he says it to HER not you. Good luck . Hope you work things out the grandchildren will benefit.

Answer 9

You know, it might be difficult to relate, but nobody says you have to best of friends. You just need to do your best to get along for the sake of your son, because ultimately He's the one paying the price if the two of you don't alteast attempt to look past your differences and just be polite and kind to one another. Also, if there are grandchildren, they would suffer too.

Answer 10

Cant relate to my boyfriends mother as she is abusive and makes up lies about me!! I have tried to sit down with her as an adult and sort this out because I really care about her son, but she isnt interested.

She claims to love her son, but would rather he was caught in the middle of this. She liked me until we moved in together and then she started telling everyone who would listen that I was out to trap her son (Definetly dont want kids for the next ten years at least) and that I was with him for his money (he's on minimum wage).

I asked her to come round one night so that the two of us could sit down and talk this through - she claimed she had too much on her mind (I found out later she went to the pub for the pub quiz). She saw me one day in the town centre and started to shout abuse at me in front of my friends - i walked away and she said to my boyfriend I started it and told her that I said I didnt love him.

Dont try to be your DIL best friend straight off but be friendly and not standoffish or act like no ones good enough for your son. If you go to a club or group invite her along and find out whether you have any common interests.

And when it comes to their children never ever interfere with the raising of them.

Good luck

Its nice to see that some mother in laws like to make the effort.