Ive known my girlfriend for about a year but we've only been dating for about 4months. I knew she suffered from depression b4 we dated but im only realising now how much it affects her. Shes had a hard life, full of tragedy and as a result shes developed certain behaviours. One day she is sweet and nice the next hostile and cold. She gets angry so easily. She is so consumed by her depression that she forgets about us, me and her, our relationship. I understand the way she is, is because of her past, i think theres not a person on the planet who wouldnt be this way if they had the life she has had. But even though i understand, its hard. She doesnt go to therapy, she just takes anti-depressants. But i think all the pills in the world wont solve anything. She needs to talk to a trained professional. But she wont and i think we dont have a chance unless she does. Should i hang in there and wait til she gets help, or should i just leave the relationship? thanks
2007-02-16 23:57:27 · 17 answers · asked by macmurphy45 1 in Health ➔ Mental Health
Leave...life is too short to put with that.
It doesn't matter how she got that way...you can be a sympathetic friend, but don't be boyfriend/girlfriend...you will live in misery. Move on to someone without all the issues....just say no to psychos.
2007-02-17 00:03:27 · answer #1 · answered by Captain Jack 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think you've partly answered your own question in stating that you don't think you have a chance together unless she sees a trained professional.And I feel that you -and some of the responders to your question -are looking at this from a standpoint of what you should be doing when any relationship is dependent on both doing the best they can to make the relationship work and towards one that is fair and equitable.
The question has to be asked 'Why will she not go and seek adjunctive therapy?' If she believes that your relationship is worthwhile continuing and that the problems you are encountering are essentially hers-then she should.
I have experienced a bi-polar mother for the past fifty years and,in common with so many,she refuses to acknowledge she has any problem whatsoever.
Your girlfriend may have had a difficult past but my concern would be that she is quoting that in the context of excusing her behavior and in justifying her reluctance to seek help.
You say that she wont get help and then ask should you hang on in there until she does?
That doesn't make any sense to me.
I feel that what you should be saying is that you wont hang on in there until she does.Depressed or not she has an obligation to seek help if not for your sake then for her own
2007-02-17 01:56:23 · answer #2 · answered by bearbrain 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is a known fact that the medication works with therapy for the optimal treatment for depression. It doesn't necessarily mean that you need the therapy forever, however initially I would recommend it. It is hard to convince someone in this state that things can improve by going to therapy so find some online articles, print them out, and underline in some colorful pencil where it states how therapy helps. This might help at least get her thinking about the fact that she will feel better. Also, if she just started the medication it can take some weeks for the full benefits so that is why therapy is so important at this level.
Love, Matilda
2007-02-17 00:48:05 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should leave. If she is not willing to get professional help then you deserve to find happiness somewhere else. Even if she accepted some help it may make her much worse at first and it is a long slow process for most people. What would the future hold as you are now? If you had children it would effect them massively. Sometimes people wallow in their depression if partners allow for it, you might be doing her a favour by leaving
2007-02-17 01:20:03 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
The first thing that comes to my mind is advise once heard on a Christian radio. "...You need to leave this situation as such a relationship is blocking your time and ability to meet someone that really is compatible." Sound as if you have a good heart but afraid you will harm this person if left. What you may find out after leaving this person, they will realize the need to get help. It is apparent this person does not want to accept help when offered or what is available. Remember you can still remain a friend if needed to talk to. Try praying about this situation and listen in your mind, God will direct you.
2007-02-17 00:18:35 · answer #5 · answered by KennyJ 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If she won't accept help from a professional, maybe she will accept it from you, if you approach it properly, saying that you are going to learn relaxation techniques and you would like her to come along, because there is a good chance she may benefit, too, and you don't want to go by yourself, would she please come along with you? View: www.relax7.com/7.php and www.depression.com/- and http://www.livinglifetothefull.com/elearning/index.php? (.com/elearning/index.php?)and the links, suggestions and techniques to be found in the blogs of Shan Eris at: www.myspace.com It would be better if you did not nag or preach, but perhaps invite her to sit in a comfortable chair, in a darkened room, with a candle between the two of you, as you face each other and watch the candle burn, possibly with some suitable music, like Aeolian harp, Flutes of the Andes, or similar, playing softly in the background (ask at a music store for music suited to relaxation or meditation or yoga). Why don't you go to a counsellor and ask for more advice. Don't give up on her; give it a few good tries at least, and save any ultimatum until you have exhausted all other possibilities.
2007-02-17 00:40:42 · answer #6 · answered by CLICKHEREx 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
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2016-10-02 07:07:01 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
hang in there. i'm a girl. i know what she's been goind through. my guy and i have been together for almost 6 months now... and he's been very understanding... i changed for him... because he was there. he never left me. you're girl loves you. so hang in there. okay? so what should you do.:) sit down with your girl. :) be sweet to her.. then tell her how you feel.:) talk to her in a nice way. don't offend her by stating over and over again her mood swings. just tell her how you feel. and if you have plans in your life that involves her, well, tell it to her. it might motivate her to change. :) she loves you,right? she needs an understanding ang patient man on her side. :) be sweet. and caring. :) in time, she'll realize those things. :) also, how long has she been taking her antidepressants? some antidepressants have emotional side effects too, check her drug at rxlist.com.:) and to know more about depression, just type depression in medlineplus.gov:) there are a lot of articles there about depression.:) i really don't know the life or situation of your girl. but i think she needs just one person to make it through. :) i think she's trying to recover herself? be with her. :) help her. :) talk to her calmly..:) depressive persons tends to turn their hostility towards life inside. listen to her. ask how she feels. :) also, never ask why does she have to feel that way, it's very offending. in time she will appreciate your patience and understanding. yup.:) good luck.:)
2007-02-17 00:46:51 · answer #8 · answered by april_wy_lalala 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should pick a good day for her then sit her down and tell her how you feel, at least give her a chance to get it together. Because of all the things we have all been through we can not live in the past and let it control our future. I am having a hard time getting this through to my adopted son he is in the same boat. But as he is now mine I took the commitment i can not give up on him I have to see it through. I hope if you leave her she has someone else that will see her through this pain she is in good luck.
2007-02-17 00:05:57 · answer #9 · answered by Mary B 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
sounds to me that not only is she suffering from sever depression (almost bi-polar at times) but that she has a major drug problem too. you should talk to her about going to see a therapist, offer to go with her if it make her more comfortable. talk to her about getting off the prescriptions or tell the doctor prescribing them to her that you think she is abusing them. if she refuses to take control of her own life she wont appreciate what you or what you give to the relationship and its time to move on.
2007-02-17 00:11:49 · answer #10 · answered by g g 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋