When is the pain of losing my baby going to disappear, i was excepting twins but sadly the one died .?

Question

I finally gave birth to a beautiful baby boy last march, but i cant shift this sadness

Answer 1

I also lost a twin and i am sorry you did. Give it time the pain will end but you will always think of it.....Its been 12yrs for me and not one day gos by that i don't think of him.

Answer 2

Jennifer, I truly am sorry to hear about the loss of your child, but remember, things always happen for a reason. I know someone who is trying to cope with this very thing right now. She's 20 weeks pregnant, had found out she was having twins and one of them died at around 7-8 weeks, but the other is still there and doing quite well. She shares her ultrasound pictures and journals about how she and her partner can feel the baby kicking and hear the heartbeat and they feel so blessed that they will get to share in the birth of this child. They feel it will be that much more cherished because of everything they've had to endure up to this point. They also plan to tell the baby who is growing that when it (they haven't determined the sex yet) is born and old enough, that it was a twin and explain as best they can what happened and tell the baby how much they will love it and that they will never forget that this baby would've had someone else along with it.

I hope you can enjoy the wonderfulness of having a child and cherish every moment you have with your son. Perhaps talk to a support group at the hospital. Not only are you dealing with the loss of a twin you're dealing with post-partum depression and that can be a serious thing as well.

Please take care!!

Answer 3

My deepest sympathies go out to you, I was in this situation all of 32 years ago ,in my case I lost both,one a still birth and one lived 32 hours , The loss was unbearable, and it doesn't matter if you have other children at home ,those are your precious babies and you want them with you .there was no counciling ,you just had to get on with the pain, and pain it was , being a twin myself didn't make life any easier people would ask 'do you have twins 'and my heart would bleed.Now to answer your question does the pain go away ,it certainly lessons with time ,its the loss you feel all your live ,you will live your life as eveyone has to ,you will laugh again make no mistake about that, and be happy that one child was spared to you ,I know its not easy but that little boy has the right to see his mum happy and smiling ,he hasnt done anything to upset you , going on my own experience be happy that you have the little boy it is so easy to have lost both.It has taught me you can never say you''ll have 1/2/3 children you'll have what god sends to you . I did have another healthy baby after the twins. I would also suggest that your little angel have an name and refer to this child on a constant basis .I sincerely hope you'll will feel better soon ,it is still early day's and you could expect to be sad ,that is the grieving process .GIVEN TIME YOU WILL FEEL BETTER ,NO ONE CAN SAY HOW LONG THAT WILL TAKE , and please be happy for the little one you have ,he has suffered loss in this as well.Now we have twin grandnieces in the family after 60 years, I thought this is going to be the test will it bring it all back again ,and no t.g. when I held them I knew then that my heart had somewhat healed .my heart is with you at this time xxx

Answer 4

How sad. I am so sorry to hear that. Someone I know had the same happen to her. She lost a twin during the pregnacy and it was absobed by the other twin. She has managed to deal with it by thinking that the twin that survived only did because the other one was sacrificed and lived because the other saved it. Also that twin is still part of the one that survived. Hope that makes sense. I hope that you can gain some peace from this You will prbably never ever get over this as it is a part of your life your baby boy is always a reminder too. If you can focus on him and feel that he here because of the other then it might make it easier. Take care of yourselves and take good care of your beautiful baby boy and try to concentrate on the positives. I bet he's found his feet and keeping you on your toes just now!!

Love
Kanga! xx

Answer 5

Hi Jennifer,

I am so sorry for your loss, I"m sure only mothers can feel your pain and for those of us that are not mothers yet it's much easier to give advice without any hessitation. All I can say that you have to move on and focus on being the best mother you can be for the remaining baby boy. Shift all your energy to making sure he's happy and healthy. Hopefully in the future you can give another little brother or sister, but for now be thankful for what you have and let go of the past. Everyone has a destiny and god has misterious plans for all of us. We can't change anything but we can learn to adapt ourselved to difficult situations and make the best out of it...

I know talking is easier than action, so I hope you take care of yourself and your new family and focus on what is best for all of you from this point on...

Best wishes.

Answer 6

Jennifer my heart goes out to you truly,I cannot imagine how you must be feeling,this should be a joyus time for you having given birth to your son,but at the same time its tinged with saddness because you are grieving for the loss of your other child.What a lot for a new mum to go through,there is a book worth reading if you have the time with a 11mth old baby,called,'an angel by my side,try it it may not ease all the sadness,but it may help a little,take some comfort knowing that your baby boy will always have a guardian angel in his brother,i hope you see some light at the end of this particulary dark time in your life,
hugs lyndsey.xx

Answer 7

I am so sorry for your loss. Unfortunately, I am so sorry to inform you that time is the only cure to your answer.
I went through the same. You will miss your little angel dearly, try hard to think about them being safe in the hands of God.

I got depressed. I said nasty things that I should not have said. Blaming myself and everyone for the loss, including the Doctors.
The Doctors told me that it hormonal post pardon depression in overdrive. I hated the whole world.

Then my best friend got lymphoma. She had such a positive attitude, even at the end. She would always tell me that, we are here on earth as a test before God. She believed that the cancer was her test. She would always say, "Well you know...that's OK."

Well, I kept myself very busy. Taking her to the Doctors, chemo, and shopping. Then Jan 2006 I lost my best friend. I cried, and cried. But I began to realize she is in a better place with God. And keeping her memories alive in my heart is priceless. No one can ever take or steal this away from me.

Then I looked at myself and realized my personal loss years ago, and began to think differently about it. I have been so depressed over so many years, not realizing until my friends passing how valuable memories are.

It just takes time.
God bless,
You and your family are in my prayers.

Answer 8

My wife was 6mos pregnant when we went to the doctor for a check-up.They found no heart beat.They made her deliver our son still born.We had to get a baby casket and hold a funeral.The pain was extreme for the first couple months,and it gets lesser as time goes by.We were not able to get pregnant again so we adopted 2 kids who are the love of our lives.Its been 13 years now,and we still put flowers and toys on the headstone.We still have a good cry about the whole thing,even now.I hope this helps you understand your situation a little more.

Answer 9

It takes time.....I am so sorry for your loss. I lost a baby too, just over halfway thru my first pregnancy. The first several years were difficult, the sadness like a heavy physical weight. Over time it will shift into something less 'heavy' and more bearable.

Answer 10

Jennifer, I am so sorry to hear about your tremendous loss. My heart cannot fathom what it must have been like to carry your child all that time and then lose it. There is a lot of things in life that happen in which we do not all have the answers to and while things may happen to us for a reason, we still do not and will never fully understand why we have to lose our little loved ones so soon. God knows, hears, and sees all. God knows your heartache Jennifer and he knows you are having a difficult time letting go of your loss but what God wants you to do is cry upon his name and seek him out inprayer when you are feeling down and discouraged and you need a friend to be there for you and will never let you down. God is in the mist of it all and he loves you and he only wants what is best for his children, salvation! I will be praying for you and may God help you in your darkest and sadden time of loss. God Bless!!!

Answer 11

You have my deepest sympathy. I am afraid the pain of losing a child will never go away, only lessen through time. I know that this is a platitude, but enjoy the baby that you have got. His twin lives on through him.