Is it right to prepare your 8 year old for a death of a terminally ill/final stage grandmother?

Question

or should i save the talk till it's done.
Given the fact that my daughter sees her sick grandma frequently and is very close to her. She is seeing her now as she's frailing and getting worse, but she's sort of used to her appearance this way...

Answer 1

You should prepare your daugter.Her grandmother is ill and you shouldn't delude her that everything is going to be OK.Tell her that since her grandmother is so ill,she is not going to get better.Prepare her for the parting.Let her visit her grandmother as often as she likes.Talk with your daughter a lot about it.You don't have to be rude telling the truth,but tell the truth - it hurts but it is the only right way.Give her the general idea ("Grandmother died/will die.That means her body has stopped/will stop working and she will not be with us anymore.That's very sad and she will miss us a lot").Help your daughter understand that death is a part of the life and that every living thing dies - that's how life works.And if we didn't die someday,we wouldn't feel our lives so special as we do.
There are some of the question which you have to be prepared for:
1."What happens when someone dies"?
Answer:"That's a very good question.Different people believe in different things.We believe that............." - if you don't believe in something special which happens after death,say that - "Nobody knows what happens to us when we die,because nobody has returned to tell us.What we know is that life is worth much and we have to use wise the time we have.We also know that when we die,people who have known us,remember us the way we have lived,so we live the way we want be remembered - with love and tenderness."

2."What will happen to me if you die"?
Answer:"If I die dad/mom will be here to take care of you.It's a very rare case when both the parents die and if that happens you will live with uncle/ aunt/ cousins.But that's hardly going to happen.I just want you to know that no matter what hapens there will be people who love you and will take care of you."

3."What are we going to do without grandma"?
Answer:"Grandma is going to miss us a lot because we love her so much.But we will be strong and will cope with it."

4."Why did she have to die?It is not fair!"
Answer:"I can't blame you about being so angry.It's so unfair when someone dies.We are happy we had grandma and we will always remember her in our hearts."

Children ar eusually the forgotten sorrowfuls so it's important to give her support.They need to feel understood and to understand their grief.You can ask your daughter to write a letter to her grandmother after her death.That will help a lot if the girl is very sad.

Answer 2

I think you should! There are two things I regret my mother not talking to me about, and that is the death of my Grandma and the death of my Nana. When I was 7 my Grandma died. I used to see her everyday. When she started to get really frail my parents just cut her out of her lives for the most part. It actually took until I was 10 (I can remember the exact day) for it to kick in she was dead and for me to mourn.
When I was 13 my Nana died. She lived on the other coast, so I didn't see her often, but my mother never told us how she was doing, how much time she prolly had, etc etc. When we did see her a few months earlier, she lied to us about how well she was doing "to protect us" and we were not allowed to talk to her on the phone after we came home. In the end neither my sister or I got to say goodbye and it screwed me up for quite awhile.

Let your daughter know what is happening to her Grandmother in an 8-year-old type of way. Prepare her for what is going to happen so she can say goodbye and remember those last few days. You won't regret it.

Answer 3

You need to see what the 8 year old can handle and can comprehend. You need to talk with her about some very serious issues. I just went through this with my daughter. She was 7 when her grandmother died a year and a half ago. She was 8 when her sister was put in the hospital and nearly died as well. Children can understand more than what more adults give them credit for and we , as adults, need to realize this and deal with this. It will not be an easy talk. Your 8 year old will have questions. Answer her questions as best you can honestly, but appropriately for her age. I did not tell my 8 year old all the medical details of how her sister was hurt, only that her little sister was hurt very bad and might not be able to leave the hospital, but the doctors are caring for her sister in the best way anyone can. I learned the hard way just how much an 8 year old can comprehend. We cried alot. Do not hide it from her. Protect her from the brutal details, but share the clift notes as much as she wants as much as she can handle.

Answer 4

Yes. You should let her know.
Save her the details of how bad off her Grandma might be, but explain to her in a easy way that Grandma is very sick, and that none of us live forever and that Grandmas time is almost over.
There will be some crying, but regardless if you tell her now or wait until after grandma passes away that will happen anyways.

Answer 5

My sons father died around the same age. Like a lot of people on here said, children understand more then we give them credit for. Don't hide or candy coat the truth. Be honest with her. If you aren't and she finds out the truth, it will be that much harder for her to trust you in the future. As far as exactly what to tell her, my son knows almost all the truth of his fathers death. He knows how did died (he doesn't know it was suicide and that is something I have been torn apart inside to tell him about). I am now in this situation with an almost 12 year old and I think he is ready to know, but since I didn't tell him everything before, I am scared to now. Don't let yourself get into that situation.

Preparedness for something this tragic is the best way to start the grieving process. She can handle herself. She is a young lady, not a baby anymore. I wish you luck and lots of wonderful last moments with grandma.

Answer 6

I don't think you should out-and-out mention dying; because "turning concrete" what your daughter is probably already worried/thinking about may alter her relationship with her grandmother at a time when having the same old relationship as always may be nicer for both of them.

I do think, though, that mentioning to her that her grandmother is not doing well "at all" may be enough to prepare her as much as she can be prepared at all. If she were to out-and-out ask if you think her grandmother will get better you could say something like, "It isn't looking like she's going to get better, but you never know." I think this type of thing makes her aware of what's going on but lets her have a little hope when she may need it most.

None of us is ever really prepared or ready to deal with loss once it happens, and yet we all find a way to do just that.

Answer 7

The child will be fine , my girlfriends dad was in bad health and moved in with us, he died Jan 19,2007 ,my daughter and I came home and found him dead, she asked me "daddy what is wrong with grandpa".......I told her " he is dead baby" her reply was , "well he is with Jesus now, and that is good because he won't be hurting anymore" people do not give a child enough credit , they are smarter than most think... and she stayed here while the coroner did the processing , and zipped up the body bag , she put her hand on the body bag , and said " I love you grandpa,and I am going to miss you , but God will take care of you now so you won't have such a hard time breathing" her sincerity and strength even made the coroners eyes water, Children handle things like that better than adults .... hope this helps , and I am sorry for the loss you are about to endure..But now is not the time to deceive your child nor keep the truth from her , just be straight up with her ,do not sugar coat it ,answer all her questions honestly , it will help her to deal better in all situations involving death...

Answer 8

He wont relatively understand...... I purely misplaced my grandmother at age 34 and that i nevertheless am having a tough time coping with it..... He wont relatively undergo in strategies her in some years considering he's so youthful......i'd propose getting a vidoe, tape the two considered one of them mutually....... enable her make a private tape to him...... talking approximately how muych she loves him and what his delivery ment to her... ect. it relatively is a few thing that he can treasure for an entire life, even nonetheless she would be long gone.... Take a number of of photos, those will advise alot to him in an prolonged time besides..... My 6 and 15 year olds took Grams death very tricky even nonetheless they understood she grow to be relatively ill ( maximum cancers)

Answer 9

I think that she is old enough to have a talk with her about what is going on. She may already realize that grandma may be dying. Just tell her that you have been lucky to have her this long and no one really knows when they will die but it is important to make the rest of grandmas life as good as you can by visiting and spending lots of time with her.

Answer 10

Kids have way more of a clue than we give them credit for, she probably knows anyway. My mother-in-law was given 3 days to live and I told our kids 14 and 15. Well that was 6 months ago and she's doing great, telling them was the hardest thing I ever did and now I wished I had not upset them.