I am a nursery teacher and there´s a boy (2,5) in my class who spends?

Question

ALL DAY taking away the toys from the others, and enjoys enormously making them cry, I feel he even doesn´t care about the toys, but just wants to make the others cry....here are my 3 question: 1. what can be his reasons? 2. How can I change his behaviour? 3. how can I develop a good relationship with him, to be honest I quite dislike him, and feel I shouldn´t of course, but I do.

the boy doesn´t obey his mon at all, it is very hard for her to get him to go with her...I know the parents are divorced, so this could be a reason for seeking attention

Answer 1

I am dealing with the EXACT same thing right now with a child in my home day care. She just grabs the toys, doesn't even play with them after she has them, she just wants to see what the other children will do when she takes the toys. Sometimes she's standing right next to the child and takes it in plain sight of the other child, other times she will be across the room watching the other child waiting for him or her to look away for a second and then run over and take the toy away. It's so frustrating isn't it?!?!!??!!! I'm like you, too, I'm beginning to dislike the child and I feel horrible about it. Here is what I've been doing to try and correct the situation. First, I've talked with the mother, who like the mom you deal with, can't control her child's behavior either. But, they have to be informed of what's going on so I continue to report the behavior. Second, when she takes a toy I make her give it back to the other child then she has to sit in time out, if she's already done it several times that day I will sit her in her empty bed in the nap room for time out. This usually curbs the behavior for a longer period of time, she does not like to be alone for time out. One thing I'm also beginning to notice is that the other children are fed up with it and many times they will begin to resolve it on their own by taking the toy back themselves and tell her no, sometimes even pushing her away slightly, if they stand their ground she will give up and move on to something else. Lastly, I really look hard for the opportunities when I can praise this child for good behavior, some days they are few and far between and I have to make a big deal out of little things like drinking all of her milk at lunch time, hahahaha. I also try to find a little extra one on one time I can spend with her, maybe I do two puzzles with her instead of just one, or she gets an extra book to read in my lap during book time, it's hard when I feel resentful, but I have to remember it's not about me, it's about that little child who obviously is not getting what she needs at home and I have to show her love and affection so she will know I am here for her. Good luck, believe me I know what you are going through.

Answer 2

This is tough. My best friend's little boy is in nursery school with my son. He has autism and some behaviorial issues. He can be disruptive, though he is not aggressive towards other kids. I would first suggest talking to mom about seeing if there are any underlying issues such as learning disabilities. There is a lot of help out their in your community. You still must address the behaviorial problem, though. It would be great if you and mom could get on the same routine. The thing NOT to do is constantly focus on the boy's bad behavior. When he does do something right, i.e. give another kid a toy, let him know that he's done a good thing. Don't go over board w/ your praise. Just make sure there's a good mix of positive and negative reinforcement. My son's teacher is quite wicked to the little boy I mentioned. She refuses to acknowledge anything positive about him. He has begun hating preschool, not a good first step towards learning.

Answer 3

I think 2 things are happening here. One is an emotional response to whatever stresses he feels at home. Reactive. Second is a normal toddler response to CONTROL. They LOVE control, participation, power of any kind.

To work w/the first, suggest to the mom that this behavior is unacceptable, and get on the same page as her (and the dad if possible) as far as discipline. Suggest that he might benefit from working with a pediatric therapist, or having them keep their problems out of his world. It's their responsibility to provide a reasonably safe environment for him to grow in, and if they're blowing it, and you're feeling the fallout, you have a right to say something.

Idea: Ignoring the behavior works. For example if he takes a toy from Julie, Julie becomes your focus of attention. Offer her a new craft, or sit with her and play one on one. If someone else gets hurt by him, add them to your group. If he chooses to sit with you, you give him one warning. If he fails (which he probably won't) and hurts someone, taking the puzzle piece from their hand or something like that, you need to leave the puzzle there, with him, and find something else to do w/Julie. The next time he comes to join in, you can tell him you are spending some one on one time with Julie, or that you are working with these children right now, and he needs to find something else to do for a while. Make some suggestions, then ignore. Continue to positivly reinforce his good behavior, and simply ignore the bad stuff. Truly ignore it, no matter how hard that may be. Even hitting or pushing is ignored. Comfort the 'victim' and move on.

Once you and the parent(s) are in agreement as to a method of discipline, you can work on a chart, which gives him immediate feedback. I wouldn't make it FOR anything (no reward), just a chart to help him remember all the times he's done it right. If the other kids are getting sick of him doing this (if they're old enough for that) they'll help reinforce this, too.

His parent and you should have identical approaches so that he's getting a consistent and loving message of behavioral standards.

Good luck!

Answer 4

Is it possible to confront this mom and explain the problems, then give her an ultimatum. She needs to address the problem or remove the child from the class. Is that possible at all?

The child is a bully in the making. Now is the time to stop this behavior. The best way to stop a bully is with love and understanding. I like the hug the kid idea.

It is also possible that the poor kid just senses that he isn't liked. I know it's difficult, but try to be kind to him even though he isn't your cup of tea. I am guessing that he is craving love and affection, but doesn't know how to go about it.

Answer 5

The mother is probably over compensating for the divorce, which doesn't help the situation. You need first to talk to his mother and explain the problem to her. If she understands the severeness, she might be willing to do more on her end. Secondly, I would just continue to use whatever methods you've been to keep him in line. Whether it be time-outs or not letting him play w/ the toys. He needs to learn that he has to share and that hurting others won't be tolerated. Once, his behavior changes, I imagine your feelings toward him will too. Good luck! :-}

Answer 6

That's a tough thing... he is obviously trying to enforce some form of supperiority over the other children and if something is not done some of the other parents will take their children out. I think the best thing you can do is to attempt to incorporate the child's mother into this ordeal and let her deal with the behavioral problems of the child if it does not improve. For the time being i suggest strict time outs everytime you notice him doing this and through negative feedback you'll notice either a decline in him doing this kind of stuff and him becoming more covert. But if you want a relationship to go your looking at comprimising your situation. i think you just need to accept him... it's like my mom used to say: "You don't have to like everyone but you have to be nice to everyone" Hope this helps.

Answer 7

Yeah it sounds like maybe he is laking the attention he is needing at home so he acts out to get any attention he can get even if iyt means nagitive attention. My sugjestion to you is to work on a positive note with him for example. If you behave this afternoon you and I will play a game if you can't behave and have to sit in timeout we won't get to play a game and you can take your nap. Set a little special time for him I know its hard whe your busy with other children but it seems he needs it. But If he acts out take the privlege away and let him know what you are doing . He will learn because he will enjoy the one on one time. I have one in my daycare that is the simalar.

Answer 8

Does he have an older sibling? Sometimes this behaviour is copied from home, maybe his brother or sister does it to him. Or maybe he is just trying to attract attention and what better way to get it! I would chat to his mum first before attempting any time outs etc, the problem might have to be solved there first. Good luck!

Answer 9

1. He wants attention.

2. Don't let him play when he takes from others, make him sit in a corner. Tell him he can play when he stops taking.

3. When he starts behaving, it will be easier to like him.

Answer 10

She carried herself with considerable confidence and dignity. We called her "Badi Didi" (Elder Sister) and never knew her by a name. By the way, I am told that she still remembers me as one of the brightest kids who went through her class and has told people in my native place that she had expected far greater achievements from me! The brilliant kid doesn't necessarily grow up to be the most successful. I wonder why it is so!!