have you yelled at your toddler because they were screaming so much from a tantrum?

Question

If they are grabbing at you or throwing a tantrum or telling you to get something for them that is two feet from them? I have and feel terrrible. I will say stop crying in her face and I have done it a few times and said shut up before.but now i just ignor her and ask her calmy after 2 minutes if she wants me to hold her to stop crying. most of the time it takes three cycles(6-8 min) to finally calm down. I have never ever threatened, just gotton mad at the screaming. I am trying now to be very patient. I just feel bad for those times I did yell. have you gone through this? I am asking because the correct way is what I have been doing(ignoring) and has been working.tantrums are 5-10 % of the day, laughing and hugging, playing are 90%.

thanks for the responces so far. she does say please and thank you, excuse me is a new one today. she is a bright little girl but very headstrong and bossy!!!

Answer 1

it is fine dear, even i shout at her and then feel bad so now a days i try to control my angre and be patient

Answer 2

When the tantrum begins, walk away. Don't make the child go to her room, don't make her do anything. Just walk away. If she follows you, keep walking away. Ignore it. They learn very soon that the screaming mee-mee fits will not get them anywhere.

Of course you haven't scarred her for life by yelling at her! Sometimes, no matter how patient you are, how wonderful you are as a parent, and no matter how much great advice you get, you will still lose your cool. Millions of mothers have done the same thing. Don't beat yourself up over it. And don't hate yourself if you do it again, because you will! I promise!

You are the Mommy, but that doesn't mean you can't blow your top now and again.

Answer 3

People are trying to much to be their kids friends rather then be a parent. This doesn't mean a parent should spank their child if they are throwing a tantrum, I don't believe in spanking, and in this situation it would make it even worse. There are plenty of other more effective types of discipline but people are to lazy to do them. They take work, they take a lot longer then a spanking would, but in the end they give the same if not better results, so why not choose the less violent discipline? As for child protective services, well I would rather them be doing to much then not enough.

Answer 4

Anyone that says they have never got mad at their screaming child must be a saint because everyone I have ever spoken to have told me that shouting is normal! I have done what you have, my daughter is 2 & many a times I've shouted in her face but of course that is not the way to go because now she does it to her brother & sister who are only 1. Now I can ignore her & like you say it does work!

Being a parent isn't easy, children don't come with manuals, you have to learn as you go which you have been doing. You say you no longer get mad when she does so that's good, it means you have learnt it gets you nowhere & only makes the situation worse. Of course you will still shout but so will everyone, don't feel bad because you're only human, at least you're not beating your children like a lot of sick people out there do, they are the ones who should be feeling bad. You're obviously a great mother so feel proud of your intelligent daughter & stop beating yourself up! x

Answer 5

You are going to think I am a mean mother because you feel bad for yelling at your child. I've had 3 children and love them to death, but I will and do let them know that I am the mother and not them. I say what goes, not them. When the tantrum starts, I put them in a cold shower. It did not hurt them, just getting their attention quickly and coldly. I had to do that with all 3, but you know what... it works. They don't want to be thrown in a cold shower each time. They stop. I would rather get mad one or two times with them and do the shower thing than have it go on and on and on and think of ways to have this stop. It just takes a couple of times and they shape up. Now I have my kids that do respect me and show it. Parents like you who feel bad because you yelled at them will not have much success on teaching their child respect and not getting everything in sight. They will continue what they are doing until you take action and show them how things are done. Best wishes.

Answer 6

even though you maybe ignoring them, you still maybe outwardly showing that they are upsetting or frustrating to you
when your child starts throwing these fits .. you start Dancing or sing your favorite song
Make sure to have a smile on your face turn the music on if you must
Dont keep repeating yourself with them
Not listening is a sign of disrespect
The more you tell them to stop and they dont you are giving that child control over you
You must know that you are the parent first and friend second
It is your job to make sure that this child does not grow into an adult that throws fits
So get it under control
She is in control when she throws these fits, she is controling your enviornment, your mood, your activity time etc.
Don't ever show that you are not in control around them
You can talk in a stern firm voice
Dont sound like your are begging or pleading with her to stop .. I would eliminate the yelling as well .. doesn't work
Sounds like your really love her.. remember love conquers all
Dont beat yourself up about not always doing things right
It comes with the territory
Show me one perfect mom and I'll show you to the door
Keep up the good work
Happy Parenting Hope it works out!

Answer 7

Ignore tantrums unless the child is in danger of hurting themselves or each other.The more you yell, the more they yell.and you are giving them the attention they want-even if it is negative attention.When the tantrum has calmed down significantly,talk quietly to the child, ask them what they would like to do from there and move on from it.DO NOT mention the tantrum again.Also, look out for indications that it's going to happen-is there a certain store that she always kicks-off in e.g.a supermarket cos the candy is always within reach etc

Answer 8

I know what you're going through. My daughter can get completely worked up. I've yelled at her before, several times just to make it so she could hear me over her own racket. But no matter what the reasons have been I feel really awful about it. I even talked to our doctor about it and she suggested some books from a group called Love & Logic. They have books on dealing with kids ranging from very young to teenagers.

http://www.loveandlogic.com/

Good luck! And FYI - I think that since you're worried about it you must be a good mom. Try not to feel too bad.

Answer 9

Sounds like you are doing a great job and getting frustrated like any other normal human being. Ignoring their negative cries for attention tends to work the best , but sometimes its hard to ignore when you just want some peace. Never get down on yourself, you are doing great!

Answer 10

One thing my mom would do when someone threw a tantrum was to tell us, "you can either stop crying, or cry in your room." If we stopped crying, there was a big hug, and if we didn't stop, there was the room. Maybe you can try that, since it worked for my mom really well.

Answer 11

nope never did yell at my daughter. If her tantrum was "getting to me" I would put her in her bedroom with the child gate up, grab my headphones and go on about whatever it was I was doing prior to the tantrum. This gave her time to calm down, and when she did calm down I'd take her out of her room.