Bride's family paying?? +++++++++++++++++++?

Question

Why does the bride's family have to pay for everything? And the groom's family hardly pays for anything?

I want to have a SMALLLLLL WEDDING. My boyfriend has a big family. I have a really small family. He wants to have a best man. I don't want to have a maid of honor or any bridesmaids. But since he wants a best man, I have to have a maid of honor because that's who he will walk down the aisle with. I don't have anyone in mind! GOSH I just want something small. It seems like he cares more about the wedding than me.

Since it seems like he wants more out of the wedding than I do, shouldn't HIS family be paying for the wedding? All I want is a photographer.

And since it's pretty much all about the bride, shouldn't the groom's family be paying for most of the things... out of courtesy?

Answer 1

Compromise...

Answer 2

"And since it's pretty much all about the bride"

Sorry if this sounds insulting, but I wonder if you are ready for marriage if this is your attitude. Weddings are the joining of a couple in marriage; not just an excuse to wear a fancy dress and be the center of attention. It's equally about the bride AND the groom. Okay. I got that off my chest.

The bride's family used to pay for everything because there was a time when women didn't work, so when they married their support became entirely dependent on the groom and his family. Throwing as nice a wedding as they could afford was the way the bride's family would send her off to her new life.

Things are different now. A lot of people still hold to that tradtion, but many don't. Here are some thoughts:

-If your family wants to pay for your wedding, that's lovely. Ask them to give you a specific budget, so you will know how much you have to work with.

-If your fiance wants to have anything that would exceed that budget, then it should be up to him to pay for it (or his family, if they so desire).

-There is no law that says that attendants have to be paired off. If he wants a best man, and you don't want a maid of honor, then why do you think you must? Who cares if people think it looks odd?

Ultimately, though, I think you need to sit down with your fiance and talk over exactly what you want, exactly what he wants, and where you can compromise so you can both be happy. After all, this wedding is for both of you, and you should both be happy about the plans. Once you have that worked out, you can stop stressing about these issues.

(and btw, the best man doesn't walk down the aisle with anyone. He enters the church/wedding site with the groom and the officiant)

Answer 3

Actually, the days when the bride's family paid for everything are pretty much gone. It's not what's done the majority of the time now. Most couples actually pay for the majority of the wedding themselves. In my case, I'm the bride but my family doesn't really have money so my mom is chipping in where she can and that's it. My fiance's mother offered to give us $10,000 because their family can afford it. The rest we are paying ourselves. It's not the traditional way anymore, it's pretty much who can afford it and who is willing. Also, just because he wants a best man does not mean you need a maid of honor - those rules are changing also. If he really wants someone to walk down the aisle with and you can't think of anyone, if he has any female friends or sisters, they can do it. If you just have a best man and maid/matron of honor, it's still a small wedding because most people have at least a few bridesmaids. Good luck!

Answer 4

My husband and I had a small wedding and we paid for it ourselves. However, we didn't have large families.

We rented a hall with a maximum capacity of 75 people, and had the ceremony performed by a Justice of the Peace. I didn't want anyone to feel they had to dress up, so I put a note in with the invitations that it was informal and that we would have the wedding ceremony, push back the chairs, and enjoy some good barbeque and dance to the DJ!

We had a best man and maid of honor, but I did not expect them to buy anything special to wear. They didn't walk down any aisles together. Their main purpose was to serve as witnesses and I believe they signed the paperwork. We did light a unity candle.

After the ceremony, we had dinner and did all the fun things.
We got some trays of barbeque which we served buffet style. We had beer and wine, soft drinks, and coffee/tea. We danced the first dance, cut the cake, threw the bouquet and garter -- all the usual stuff. We had a photographer. And since both the ceremony and reception were at the same place, costs were lower. No limo -- had a friend with a large car pick me up and drive me to the location. No additional cost for photographer to take pix at several locations. I hired someone to serve the food and help clean up, but all of the guests actually offered to help clean up.

So, bottom line is do what YOU want. You don't need all the stress. I agree about the photographer -- that's the one thing you'll have to show for your wedding day. Figure out how many people you want to have and get a room that only fits that number of people. Get your guests involved! Have them pick up the food, light a candle, decorate the room (I didn't have decorations), pick you up, etc. It will make them feel a part of things and make the event special for them, too.

The total cost for our wedding was under $4,000, in 1993 dollars.

Answer 5

Times have changed and the whole "bride's family pays for the wedding" is pretty much being thrown out the window and stomped on by a steamroller (unless you are in a very traditional stuck in the older years family).

Bride and groom pay for their wedding nowadays.

If the family wants to pitch in they can.

You don't HAVE to have anyone standing beside you on your side, the bride and grooms side do NOT have to be an even number.

Find a way to compromise with the wedding, perhaps only invite immediate family (that would be parents, brothers/sisters and their kids).

Answer 6

It is an old tradtion from when females were nothing more than possesions. Son's were more valuable to a family and father's needed a way to rid themselves of having to support their female offspring so they would offer dowry's to men who would marry their daughter's. They would off land, lifestock, money.
As for YOUR wedding. You don't HAVE to have a bride's maid. the Best man can walk down the aisle himself and stand at the altar. As far as how many guests you have you'll have to discuss that with your boyfriend. Out of "courtsey" the Groom's family pays for the rehersal or "Groom's" dinner which is usually held the night before the wedding. ALL of this is something you're going to have to discuss with your boyfriend...frankly since the two of you are on such opposite ends I don't see how your relationship got this far, and I can see it being the cause of a break up. You BOTH have a lot of comprimsing to do...hopefully you'll be willing to do alot of comprimising in your marriage as well because I really don't see that working out all that well if you do get married.

Answer 7

If and when the brides family pays they also get to tell the groom's family the number of guests they are allowed to invite. So if your family says it will pay for 50 guests and tell the groom's family that they can have 25 of thos invitations anything above and beyond that (with your consent to even invite) is their responsibility. And any vendor that they want but you don't care about I would let them handle as well. Whats the worst case scenario, they don't do and that vendor is not there like you wanted?

Answer 8

Its an old tradition based on that the brides parents were "unloading her" on the groom and his family - since women are a burden you see. Most people these days pay for thier own wedding w the parents on both sides just helping out a little.

Answer 9

Just my opinion but I think those were the old days when the groom asked for her hand in marriage,gave money or cattle or something to the brides family and the brides family paid for the wedding and the husband was responsible for providing for the family. I think it's sad to EXPECT others to pay for you wedding anyway.

Answer 10

No. The bride's family participants will pay for the ceremony AND reception. The groom's family participants will pay only for the prepare consultation dinner (evening in the past wedding ceremony). till the groom's family participants promises to pay greater.

Answer 11

It is tradition that the bride's family pays for the wedding because the situation is usually reversed. I would suggest that your fiance talk to his parents. Have him talk to them and convey your feelings about the wedding, and that if they want a larger wedding, for them to kick in. If they do not want to help, then just explain that it will need to be small.
Hope this helps.