Our wedding is going to be hosted by us, the Bride and Groom. 99% paid for by ME- the Bride, And, after us being engaged for 5yrs AND having a son together, our families STILL do not approve of our marriage. His parents and My parents have never even MET because they refuse to. SO..we are having a 100 person wedding, and are debating not inviting our families knowing they will cause issues at the wedding. I'm not paying 10 dollars a head for a meal for people who don't respect us. Is this crazy? We have 75 friends on the list if we take out all of our family. This isn't your typical wedding question so its hard to find information on this kind of thing. Suggestions??
2007-02-16 18:01:45 · 21 answers · asked by Kristin C 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
LOL! He's not a bum. Boy you guys can say some crappy stuff sometimes. He is wonderful, has owned his own company for 14yrs now and we have a huge house and stuff. The issue is our ages. Hes 15 yrs older and our parents say that we're still "infactuated". Even though my prents are 11 yrs apart- I guess its not OK for me. Anyway, no reason to stir up crap on here about ages. I got what I needed with the majority of your answers! =) Thanks!- Oh and BTW for whats-his-name- 10.00 a person is Grilled Chicken and Shrimp Scampi atop Fetuccini Alfredo, Garlic Bread, and Cesar Salad. Don't hate. I have 75 friends -I have friends in EVERY aspect of my wedding. :P hehe!
2007-02-16 18:31:58 · update #1
The wedding isn't between your families - it's between you and your man. It's about the family that you are building together. If your collective families choose to not participate in a monumental occasion in your lives, that's an issue that they have to deal with. Marriage is about the two individuals that are dedicating their lives to each other. Fortunately you have wonderful friends to share your day with. In a perfect world, we can have all of our loved ones involved and happy with the person that we choose to spend the rest of our lives with. Unfortunately, we don't live in a perfect world. With that said, take all of the enjoyment out of the pleasurable moments that are presented to you.
2007-02-16 19:08:23 · answer #1 · answered by feefee2u 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Plenty of people have disapproved of relationships, and have still attended weddings without causing a scene. You are creating a drama where there is none. If everyone worried about "what if?" we'd all never get out of bed in the morning.
They might be a little wary because you have been engaged for 5 years!!! That's a long time to most people. Your families will behave just fine, and may even warm up a bit once they attend the happy occasion. You have to set the tone now. Give them the chance to share in the next step of your life. Give them the decision to attend or not.
By not inviting any of them, you will deepen a rift, cause more problems, and hurt a lot of feelings. Yes, they have hurt your feelings, but set a good example for your son by being "the bigger person".
As for who is paying for the wedding, that has nothing to do with anything. Yes, you might have dreamed of having family participation, but it's not happening. So what? This wedding is an opportunity for you to show, not flaunt, your happiness, to your families. They may just feel like idiots for not joining in.
You have an opportunity to be gracious, set a good example, and open a door to reestablishing ties with your families.
Sometimes people won't meet you halfway, and this looks like one of those times. Don't assume how people will react before you give them an opportunity. Invite who you want, but you will regret not inviting your familes, I can assure you.
Good luck.
2007-02-17 01:57:07 · answer #2 · answered by Karen? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok I understand how you feel. I think you should invite your parents, grandparents, sisters, and brothers. If they come great for you right at least that is taking the first step for your families reconiling. Then the next step is inviting the family members that mean the most to you that you know would come. The members that you talk with the most or has no problems with the wedding or you two being together. Then I invite the ones the ones that would least would come. These people would be in the account of distant people you never speak to. You just would like to see or a gift from. I know this might sound dumb but it happens.
But if you want to have the sound and happy wedding just elope and have the three of you. I know you would love to have the peace of your family there but you two have been together for 5 years and share a wonderful son. Who cares what other people think anywhy right. But I know you want to do it right. It will be cheaper on you. People have told me that. Because I have said I am going to go small and everyday it is getting bigger and bigger everyday and now I wish it was just the three of us on the beach with the minister. Plus it would take away alot of head aches.
I have some questions for you to answer before you do everything and this may help you. I know this may sound weird but this has helped me get through my difficulties and it worked.
1.) Does each parent love my child? Do they accent them as a grandchild?
2.) Would they ever accept my spouse if we ever did get married?
3.) Who is more approving of the wedding the friends or family.
4.) Do I really want to spend alot of money on something I could have just share with the three people that mean the most or just invite 10 to 15 people that mean the most.
That is what you should do. Just invite the top 20 to 25 people that mean the most and you save and you do not have to worry. I know it saves time and confusion. But who really wants heart ache and people there at there day of love . I know you want your parents there for support but if they have not been there until the day you get married they will never accept the fact that the two of you are happy and they will never accept it. Unless they are putting on a really good happy face and grinning and smiling just for yall. But at least you know deep down somewheres inside they still love you and at least you can work at it somewhere!
2007-02-17 09:21:59 · answer #3 · answered by plmjlgwedding 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
10.00 a head? No open bar huh - well thats a shame.
There is really nothing you can do - I knew several couples w the same issue they both ended up having destination weddings w/out the parents present because they didnt want any grief on thier wedding day. One family was angry that the couple had a child out of wedlock the other two famalies just didnt get along.
Both couples struggled w the lack of support and animosity they got from thier parents. One of the couples eventually divorced over it after 8 years.
2007-02-16 23:30:57 · answer #4 · answered by jillmarie2000 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Congrats, I guess... you just sound really hostile. It's a shame for you to lose your family over a guy - I know I would have never gotten into that maelstrom - I care for and respect my family too much.
However, since the two of you are finally getting married - hopefully for the sake of your child at least, you just have to deal with things as best you can. Just remember that your family is blood - you are not related to your husband, however much you may love him. I think you would always regret it if you didn't have your families there. And lucky you for finding such a cheap meal for the reception - most people love weiners and beans!
Good luck in whatever you decide.
2007-02-17 00:43:17 · answer #5 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There must be some reason they don't want you two to get married- but looking past that- you should invite them to the wedding. This is one chance that they have to watch their babies get married- give them the oppurtunity. If they start to fight or mess things up- you can always ask them to leave. My in-laws HATED me and they still don't like me! It's okay though because I didn't marry them- I married their son. I have been married for almost 5 years now- we have 3 children, and his parents still try to exclude me from everything. Don't let the parents interfer with love. Good luck.
2007-02-16 18:10:14 · answer #6 · answered by Tammy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It will be your special day. Ask your parents if they want to come to the wedding. If they say no, then don't invite them. Just have your party with the people who care about you and support you. Enjoy your night and do it for yourselves and your son. You have already proven that you are committed in the relationship. What more can you do? For your child's sake, make it official and keep on proving the parents wrong!
2007-02-16 18:09:29 · answer #7 · answered by Jennifer L 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's supposed to be the best day of your life getting married and if you have the slightest feeling that the family will cause problems then I say dont invite them and enjoy your day. I know it must be a difficult situation to be in but as long as you and your partner love each other then who cares!
I think both sets of parents need to grow up and get over it and be happy for you knowing that each of their children have found their soul mates and enjoy their wonderful grandson.
2007-02-16 21:09:57 · answer #8 · answered by toymod 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hey guys...its YOUR wedding. Screw what anyone else thinks. Do what YOU want to do. It is your day. If your families are being anal, they can view the pictures like everyone else. It is not your fault if THEY have a problem. The problem is THEIRS, not yours.
Do what feels right to you and be happy. That is the best you can do. If your family does not want to be a part of your life, you can't make them want to. The nice part about footing the bill yourself is that you aren't beholding to anyone about anything. Isn't that nice :) Good Luck to you both, and may you have a long and happy marriage.
2007-02-16 18:09:48 · answer #9 · answered by Lord L 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Only $10 a head? Wow, what are you eating? Chicken nuggets? Anyway, invite them, it's the right thing to do. If they don't show up or cause drama, it's their problem not yours. No wedding is perfect and it's absolutely nuts to try that hard to make sure there is no drama.
2007-02-16 18:12:15 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋