whats the ring and oh i want 2 marry you blah blah and then turn around and move my face right to left 4 no reason when i told him the 1st time it hurts and to stop or he is going to cause me disability. if i can understand why he is giving me mixed signals and what his motives are than i can leave him, but first i need to know why would a guy do this? it makes no sense? you hurt someone u hate but buy a ring and marry someone u love. which is it? 1 week before he bought me the ring he said, i want revenge on you? makes no sense??? please help me!!! i have been with him for 5 yrs and he has hit me before, but now im scared cuz he is hurting my neck which is dangerous. if i turn paralyzed what good will i be to anyone including him? why would he want to hurt someone he will intend to marry? unless this engatgement ring is some kind of hoax? or scam?
2007-02-16 16:56:03 · 44 answers · asked by newport l 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Leave him before he kills you.
2007-02-23 21:07:43 · answer #1 · answered by fajita 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey, these are not "mixed signals", they are control techniques. He is a user, and a controller. And the sooner you begin to realize this the better.
He does not "love" you, he only says he does, but you have to understand that he has a distorted view of what love is. Love does not hurt another person, emotionally or physically. And obviously this man does hurt you.
This engagement ring is being used to entice you to put even more control in his hands. In essence, it's a bribe.
I'm a a retired law enforcement officer, and I am going to give you the best advice that I can give you. You need to get out of this situation with this man. I don't care how many times he says he loves you. I don't care how much he sheds those alligator tears, it's all fake, don't fall for it. He could possibly even become angry and make threats, but at least then you're seeing his true blue colors. You need to leave, and you need to leave now. And if you need law enforcement to keep him away from you, do it. If you need the courts to place restraining orders on him, do it.
There is no man worth your health, or your life. And the longer you put this off and fall for his manipulations, the worse your life is going to become. And ultimately, you are going to end up a name on a gravestone. Believe me, I've seen plenty of this. And you'd best heed my words, while you're still alive to hear them.
Prayers go out to you.
2007-02-16 17:08:13 · answer #2 · answered by C J 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It's not a hoax or a scam sometimes abusers truly believe you deserve the pain they inflict.....however, they also feel remorse for causeing you pain and try to make up for it, hence the ring. Despite his love for you (and it could be love he is feeling) he will lose his temper again and again until he does serious damage. And think 'Do you want to bring a family (children) into a situation like that?'. He will lose his temper again and worse than before. Even if he doesn't do it for the next 5 years one day he will snap and you will get the sh** kicked out of you or maybe he won't get piss** at you just your child and he could do some serious damage to a baby. Trust me I lived through my father beating my mother unconscious many times and every time she got her bones set he would be crying next to her hospital bed saying how sorry he was and he loved her and he would never do it again. Until the next weekend when he came home from work to find that the house wasn't clean or that one of us four kids were pissing him off. Then not only did mom get beat up but he would crack down on us kids with his belt. Do you want that knowledge that you could have saved your children's lives or even their mental health by leaving this bastard right now? My advice kick him to the curb a.s.a.p. and do not look back. You deserve no less than sunshine and rainbows every day!!!!
2007-02-16 17:09:46 · answer #3 · answered by kitti kitti 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
hon you need to leave this guy immediately. most abusers do try to compensate by being overly nice so they can keep you wanting to stay with them. it is not real affection it is a control issue. if he loves you he would not hurt you. period. please do everything you can to get away now. you already know the abuse is escalating to a more serious degree. next stop could be the hospital or worse. the engagement is nothing more than a scam to get you to stay and make it harder to leave. you are far worth more than what you get from him. just think if you marry him and have kids they can be hurt as well. would you want your daughter going thru this with him or her own boyfriend? think about it. most of us have been there and though it can be hard to leave it is the best thing to do.
2007-02-16 17:05:24 · answer #4 · answered by jezbnme 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
why he bought you the ring is not important, you need to realize that this man means you no good and if you continue to be with him he might even kill you so do yourself a favor and get out before it's to late an trust me i know exactly how you feel because i was in a abusive relationship once with a man who asked me to marry but i decided that i didn't want to spend the rest of my life with a man who beat me so i called it quits and you should do the same.
2007-02-24 12:34:50 · answer #5 · answered by beauty queeen 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If i were you, i would not even stick around to get an answer you may never get. Someone that loves you does not beat you. He sounds psychotic. I would get away as fast as i could. Some people do weird things. That is not the kind of marriage that anyone needs. And it will only get worse. I hope you can find the courage to leave before it is too late. God Bless you.
2007-02-16 17:07:36 · answer #6 · answered by michaelssweetiepie 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
U need to get away from him asap. He's only buying u stuff and telling u that he loves u cuz he doesn't want to break up with u or shut u up. But he's not gonna stop. It's not easy to just throw yr old habit away. he will hurt u more if u don't dump him now. Maybe later, u might even end up dead~! He's dangerous!
2007-02-16 17:00:18 · answer #7 · answered by aji 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
That is exactly how abusive partners act, they hurt you, then try to make up for it with some poor loving gestures. Unfortunately most women fall for the chocolates, the roses and the bling blings. Get out while you still can.
2007-02-16 17:13:04 · answer #8 · answered by Sofia 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know you ask this question, but how serious of an answer do you want? Will you take the advise? My sister is in an abusive relationship and she will not get out! It just gets worse. If you are strong enough to leave then leave. This is just the beginning of his abuse to you! Go to the "battered women's" sites for more information. See how many women lived to tell their stories. see how many didn't! Get out and don't look back! I hope your strong enough to leave, my sister isn't! And life is horrible for her!!Please, get out of this relationship! Marriage is nothing for him! He just wants all the control. Be safe!!!
2007-02-16 17:21:47 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I only read half your question. The thing is - he's a ******** and you need to move on. What is a ring?? It's an object he thinks will keep you where he wants you. You are too good for the loser. Start a new life without him, go travelling, see the world, just do it and don't look back.
2007-02-16 17:02:34 · answer #10 · answered by jammer 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
you know, my friend there's no need to wonder why & what his motives are or what he wants. there shouldn't even be an explanation. because when you're scared in a relationship, then it's obvious that it's not going to work. the question you should be asking yourself is. Is he worth it? and Why aren't I leaving him already?
P.S. if you haven't seen that movie "enough". then you should. She did the wrong thing by marrying him & the right thing for leaving, which is why you'll probably want to follow the right steps
2007-02-16 17:01:25 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋