Why are my parents so overprotective? Do they not understand that I have feelings too?

Question

I know i'm only seventeen, but i feel that seventeen year olds can fall in love too--if this is love. I don't even know what love is. Maybe i can't fall in love yet? I'm so confused. I really really like him and he really really likes me. BUT, whenever we hang out, it's behind my parent's backs. I don't feel comfortable telling them about him because i'm scared they'll take him away from me, and right about now, he's the only person i ever want to be with. I know this sounds like everyother teenage problem, but when it's yours, it's all you can think about. he's all i can think about. i need to be with him. but my parents--they really don't like the idea of boyfriend/girlfriend. i just don't understand. should i tell them now, even if it means risking him? i try soooo hard to hide his existence--in my phonebook on my cell phone, his name is a girl's name so they won't find out. are my parents too protective? are most parents like this? should i still go behind their backs? i need help.

Answer 1

Here's the APPLICABLE facts as YOU presented them.
1) You are 17
2) You are confused.
3) You aren't really sure if you are in love.

Under the circumstances wouldn't it be safe to say that your parents advice is a good compass to follow?

I am a parent myself, & trust me, it would be far easier to let you just go out & make all of the obvious teanage mistakes on your own, & if you happen to live long enough to make them all, then just stand back & say, "See we told you so, now you have learned your lesson". That would be far easier than trying to protect you with constant intervention, advice, boundaries (that you ignore btw) & punishments when you do ignore the rules.
All of that constant monitoring of your precious life is exhausting for them, & equally exasperating when all you do is complain, & do what you want behind their backs anyway.

They put all of this energy into you, not because it's fun to screw with your head, but because THEY LOVE YOU, & want to protect you.
Give them a little credit for having a lot more life experience than you, & a fully developed adult brain that gives them a better perspective, & the ability to predict the possible consequences of your reckless actions.

I was a reckless teenager like yourself, & every moment of every day was full of the most important issues of my life at the time.
Once I became an adult, not one of those really really really important issues mattered one little bit.
Like you, I believed that I knew everything I needed to know to be a self-determining individual, & I fought as hard as any teenager for my God given right to make my own decisions about what, & where I should do things, & when I should do them.
Without getting specific, I can tell you with confidence that at age 56 I am still living with the consequences of some of my bad decisions as a teenager. That's 39 years of living with consequences.
Now you only have 4 more years to go before you are an adult.
Only four more years that you need to put your faith, & trust in your parents that they at least in general know what they are talking about. After that you will be an adult yourself, & then you will be EXPECTED to make your own decisions.
So enjoy their blanket of protection for the limited time that they will offer it.
Four more years of doing what your parents wish for you, or a lifetime of living with the possible consequences of the mistakes you will make when you take matters into your own hands.
It's your choice!

Answer 2

Your parents are just worried about this very thing happening to you. I am more than positive they would be more upse about the fact you've been seeing this guy behind thier backs, and right there they will tell you, if you can't even be grown up enough to sit down and talk to them, how can you be ready for a real relationship in your life? You need to sit down to dinner, and explain to them very calmly, without losing your temper or whining. You can start off easily, be asking them questions, about how old they were, and how they knew they were in love, and by the time they are done answering your questions, they are going to be asking why you are so curious all of a sudden, and that is where you tell them that you have been seeing this guy for a while, and you would really like it if he could attend a dinner with your family, so they could meet him before judging. And after the dinner session your parents will see how you two react towards one another, and can get a feel for the idea.


The best of luck, but in the end bite the bullet.

Answer 3

i don't think you should hide this from them, but i do understand. Your 17, you can make decisions on your own. If they have a problem with that, get a job and find a place to live. They can't stop what you are feeling, and if they do, if you two really like each other then you two will be together no matter what. it will be OK. they are just trying to protect you from pain that they most likely experienced their selves. That is what parents are for, overprotective on everything.

Answer 4

Cross roads, man they are tough! Yes your parents know that you have feelings, but what they are doing that you can not really grasp, is that they want the best for you, even though some times you find that so hard to believe. They put a tight hold on you for several reasons I'm sure, one is probably the world we live in, your safety is first, they can not help it. They want the best for you. At your age, is when parents seem to put the hardest hold, they know within themselves it will be soon, that this little bird is going to fly away from the nest. Be strong and know that love wins out. It always does.

Answer 5

My parents were very overprotective too. They only want what's best for you. Some people think that 17 is too young to be involved with boys yet. I personally agree. I wouldn't encourage my daughter to start dating seriously and exclusively that young. You really need to get your education first and not ruin your life by getting distracted by boys. You have so much time in your life for love. Trust me, get your priorities straight. Don't be like all these silly girls. The boys will be there when you are ready.

Answer 6

Haley, i might want to say basically keep at it seeing your bf whenever you are able to, yet attempting to appreciate your mums desires collectively. Im particular she's basically searching for you. in case your truly serious about your bloke then in time your mom will come to work out this and more effective than likely ease up somewhat. even as residing below her roof in spite of the undeniable fact for you to appreciate the desires of your mum and need that some compromise might want to be reached quickly, in case your bf is unquestionably worth waiting for then this should not be a venture. do not forget on your moms eyes, you're her little lady and speaking as a determine with 2 children, (Boy and woman) i do not forget that i might want to do something to guard them from what i trust is sweet in spite of in the adventure that they do no longer. also this webcam thingy can be a daunting prospect for adults who understand their children use it, you listen all styles of issues presently and she or he likely overreacted somewhat. try having a one to at least one such as her as an individual and no yelling. You sound like a sensable lady so I trust you'll do the right element. sturdy success.

Answer 7

Some advice from a parent , grandparent and former teenager.Remember this YOUR PARENTS LOVE YOU.. Dont do any thing you cant tell your mother. The best advice i ever had., My daughter uised say her brother could stay out later etc. I reminded her he cant get pregnant, . She has turned out to be a great wife and blessed us with a super grand daughter. My son has had some bad luck, God bless you.

Answer 8

I'm a Parent. Guess who I'm voting for? .... You got it! Parents know right & Wrong. Believe or not, Missy? You don't know how Life is. They do. Their Love is showing in that they wanna keep you from being Hurt, or become Pregnant. They see something in this Guy. Or they see something in how you act. Learn that Love has it's meanings. And they know better than you!

Answer 9

yes, most parents are like this. it might be safer to tell your mother about it, but not your father. your parents will think that you will get pregnant, thats mainly the reason why parents don't want their daughters to have a friend. i think you should keep it away from your father, and if you dont trust your mother about telling your father, then her too, but if you really do feel this strongly about him and you're that afraid to lose him then i dont think you should tell him. but i think you're going a bit too far with the name in your cellphone. you dont have to pretend he doesn't exist, just pretend he doesn't mean what he really does to you.

Answer 10

Because young boys tend to be after one thing during adolescence and your parents were teens before and they want to keep you from getting yourself into trouble or heartbroken.