Jokes Anyone?

Question

(Please nothing cheesy or not funny. I like blond jokes but do NOT have ANYTHING against blondes, trust me I've got friends..)

Answer 1

The Riddle
On his trip to Great Britain, George Bush had a meeting with Queen Elizabeth. He asked her, "How does one manage to run a country so smoothly?"
"That`s easy," she replied, "You surround yourself with intelligent ministers and advisors."

"But how can I tell whether they are intelligent or not?" he inquired.
"You ask them a riddle," she replied, and with that she pressed a button and said, "Would you please send Tony Blair in."

When Blair arrived, the Queen said, "I have a riddle for you to answer for me. Your parents had a child and it was not your sister and it was not your brother. Who was this child ?"
Blair replied, "That`s easy. The child was me."
"Very good," said the Queen, "You may go, now."

So President Bush went back to Washington and called in his chief of staff, Karl Rove. He said to him,
"I have a riddle for you, and the answer is very important. Your parents had a child and it was not your > > sister and it was not your brother. Who was this child?"
Rove replied, "Yes, it is clearly very important that we determine the answer, as no child must be left behind. Can I deliberate on this for a while?"
"Yes," said Bush, "I'll give you four hours to come up with the answer."

So Rove went and called a meeting of the White House Staff, and asked them the riddle. But after much discussion and many suggestions, none of them had a satisfactory answer. So he was quite upset, not knowing what he would tell the President.
As Rove was walking back to the Oval Office, he saw former Secretary of State Colin Powell approaching him. So he said,
"Mr. Secretary, can you answer this riddle for me. Your parents had a child and it was not your sister and it was not your brother. Who was the child?"
"That's easy," said Powell, "The child was me."

"Oh thank you," said Rove, "You may just have saved me my job!" So Rove went in to the Oval Office and said to President Bush,
"I think I know the answer to your riddle.
The child was Colin Powell!"

"No, you idiot!" shouted Bush,



"The child was Tony Blair!"

Answer 2

A blond, brunette, and a redhead all work in an office for a female boss. Their boss leaves work early everyday, so one day the brunette say's let's leave early tomorrow and she will never know. The next day they all left early the brunette went home and did some gardening the redhead went to the bar and the blond went home also. When the blond got home she went through the house to her bedroom and opened the door and there was her female boss having sex with her husband. So she quietly left the bedroom closed the door and left the house to return home again at her normal time from getting off work. The next day at work the redhead said that was fun we she do it again. The blond started shaking her head back and forth and said no, no way can we do that again I almost got caught!

Answer 3

The teacher had asked all the students to bring something interesting they had seen for the show and tell the next morning. Almost all the students had finished when it was bill's turn. he was very rude to the others, the teacher thought tat he would do some thing idiotic.
He came to the front of the class and wrote the word "period" in the blak board, and went and sat. the teacher asked y he did soand he told this...
"My sister said tat she had missed one, my dad got an heart attack, my mom fainted and my neighbour shot himself!!!!!!!"

Answer 4

This one is kind of gross, but it is funny. A friend's sister told this one to me:
There was this 18 yr. old dude who lived with his mom still. He had the top bunk and his little brother had the bottom. One day, he took his girlfriend home. He told her,"If you want me to go faster, say lettuce, if you want me to go slower, say tomato." So they started and the girlfriend said,"lettuce, lettuce, lettuce...no, wait. tomato!" Then the little brother said,"Stop making sandwiches up there; you're getting mayo all over my bed!"

I know, kinda sick, but still funny.

Answer 5

how do u confuse a blonde?
send her in an circular room and tell her to piss in the corner.

how does a blonde confuse YOU?
comes out and says "I'm Done!!"

Answer 6

Not appropriate if you don't understand the joke. You is so ugly, that everytime yo momma see yo daddy, she says "I should've just gave you head." If you don't understand the joke, you are too young. It was taken straight from the movie "Fat Girlz".

Answer 7

haha nicely sturdy i've got been given a intercourse humorous tale for you wish you like it :) on listening to that her grandad had only died kate went and visited her nan to convenience her while she asked how he died her nan replyed by ability of sayin that he had had a heart attack jointly as makin love 2 her kate mentioned that it became into stupid that 2 old human beings the place havin intercourse because it became into askin for difficulty her nan replyed by ability of sayin that they used to do it to the sluggish p.c.. of the church bells because it became into only the main appropriate velocity she then wiped a tear from her eye and carryed on by ability of sayin''if that dahmed ice cream van hadnt come alongside he would nevertheless be alive immediately'' :) xxx

Answer 8

your mama is so fat she puts mayonnaise on her aspirin.

your mama is so dumb that when someone was drowning and said "help!!! i need a life saver!!!", ur mama said "what flavor? cherry or grape?"

SORRY, i don't have anything against anyone's mom, just heard these jokes from a few ppl, thought i'd pass em on. laugh on ppl!

Answer 9

this is more of a pun:
a man walks into a shrink's office wearing saran wrap shorts. the shrink says, "well, clearly i can see you're nuts!"

Answer 10

HICKORY DICKORY DOCK,
THREE MICE RAN UP THE CLOCK,
THE CLOCK STRUCK ONE,
THE OTHER TWO ESCAPED WITH MINOR INJURIES....

JACK AND JILL WENT UP THE HILL
EACH WITH A BUCK AND A QUARTER,
JILL CAME DOWN WITH $2.50
(THE LITTLE TRAMP)