Am I a bad dad?

Question

My wife is always telling me that I treat our daughters better than I treat my son. I don't love him less, but the only way I know how to interact with him is the way I was interacted with when I was younger. Boys are supposed to be tough and responsible and less dependent in my mind. Am I doing something that will effect him psychologically by not be as loving and nice to him?

Answer 1

You are teaching your son not to be a 'woosie' and by teaching him that, he will learn how to defend for himself and not be afraid to stand up to what is right. But, if you are teaching him by being mean or with neglect, then that is a total different story. You are just teaching your son how to become a man, if he is of age already. Men are suppose to be rough with their sons. Women are just fragile to their daughters. You are teaching you son how to become a young adult and he will remember it when he has his own wife and children.

Don't teach boys to be like girls.

Answer 2

First of all as you said, you agree to your wife about treating your son differently then daughters. Also, that you have a generic assumption that the boys are supposed to tough and responsible. Say for example that both these statements are right, then you need to analyze a few things: When you say you behave differently with your son, does that by any mean, means ignoring your son. If that's true then you are a better judge as to what you would prefer to do in that case.

One more thing, boys might be tough and responsible in so many ways for which girls are seeking dependencies. But boys have their own problems which are to be addressed. And the best person for that is father.

Answer 3

You are not bad dad. But dear time has changed. U r treating him in the same way as u were treated. So think your son must b feeling ignorance or less care which u felt when U was in his age. U have been in the same situation U better know how he is feeling right now. Give ur children equal treatment n love. For being tough n responsible other ways can be taken but this behavior will distract him from U.

Answer 4

I applaud you for asking this question, I can tell you love him...but are your actions enough that he knows you do...eventually when he is older he will understand some of the tough love methods that fit your profile, but if you want a real bond with your son, you must step out of the box and be the father you feel you should be instead of the father of circumstances. I had just the opposite situation, now that my daughters are grown they have had adult to adult talks and said they were always scared of me and would never confy in me because I wasn't a very compassionate Dad...that's not what I wanted them to think...I have come to be known as a most compassionate man, to manys surprise, but I wished I was more so toward my daughters as they were growing up....make the change and your son will recognize why.

Answer 5

Your son may have a different personality than you do therefore while it is important to pass on family values and traditions to him he you may not get positive results from treating him the way you were treated as a child. Of course no father wants a sissy for a son but depending on his age he may be just as sensitive and pschologically vulnerable as your girls so do not be too tough on him. NO you are not a bad father simply because you have taken this into consideration which means you would like to fix it.

Answer 6

You're very "old school." You are doing him an injustice by not treating he the same as your girls. Shame on you for saying "not be as loving and nice to him." You should be loving and nice to ALL of your children. Boy children need love and support as much as girl children. He will only learn to be tough and responsible by your example to him. You're not bound by the way you were treated to treat your son the same. If you didn't like or didn't feel loved, do you think he will?

Answer 7

How old is your son? If he's under 12, he still needs hugs and cuddles. He's a little boy, remember? There's plenty of time for him to be tough. There is never such a thing as too much love. Maybe you could find a hobby that just the two of you could share like collecting baseball cards or building models. That would give you one on one time and a great opportunity for a dad to bond with his son.

Answer 8

Just because YOU were treated a certain way as a kid doesn't mean you HAVE to treat your children in the same manner. Growing up I was emotionally/verbally and physically abused yet I didn't raised my daughter that way. By the time I was in my teens I had suffered a broken nose, nerve and muscle damage to my left eye and had yet to suffer the fractured cheekbone under my left eye. There is no way in hell I would have done that to my daughter. And verbal/emotional abuse were not part of my raising her either. As an adult and a parent you have a CHOICE as to how you raise your kids. You CHOSE to raise your son as you were raised rather than trying something else.

Answer 9

I'm not going to read all the other answers. I'll tell you this though, my son is in the same boat with his dad. He'll come to me alot looking for the attention he isn't getting from dad. Dad isn't giving him the hugs he needs from time to time and listening to minor issues my son (who is 17) has. Have a sit-down with your son and tell him you aren't sure if you are doing all you should for him. Ask him what he wants from you in a relationship and really listen. You may have to make some sacrifices, and so will he, but do what you have to do to make things work. Parenting is different for everyone and tell him how your dad raised you and if he agrees to you raising him that way. Remember, time have changed and everyone is different too. You having more one-on-ones with him I think will bond your relationship better. Good luck.

Answer 10

Two things here. 1. Only you can answer that question and now that your wife has made you aware of your actions please change them. Because I think you really already answered it yourself by your last sentence " by not being as loving and nice to him ". Second we lost our only son at the age of 12 ( he was hit by a car ) and like any parent we would give anything to have him back, but we cant. So please not only your son but your daughters as well treat them as if this is the last day you will ever see them because you never know. Good luck: Blueladybug

Answer 11

LOVE and DISCIPLINE. If you are only giving him discipline, then yes, you need to change the way you treat you son before it is too late. It takes a lot of courage, but you can do it! Make an effort to plan some days or nights with you son. Get to know him better. It sounds like you don't really know who he is.