How do you learn to love and care for someone new after experiencing extreme heartbreak?

Question

I find after opening up and being in love for years with "the one" and then the relationship falling apart that it is difficult to open up to new experiences and give emotion. I've become cold hearted even when new women express growing feelings for me and they're great for me I clam up and dump them heartlessly. How do I heal the old damage and allow myself to feel again?

Answer 1

I've just been through something similar and I've realized that change can be good, but you need to decide what light to see it in. Start by choosing to be positive: did anything good, no matter how small, come of it? (My first "good" realization was that I would finally have time to train my dog...)

When you feel the need to dump a woman just for expressing feelings, look at what exactly it is you're feeling and figure out why. If she is a good woman despite your lack of feelings for her, it may be worth an attempt to stick in the relationship a little longer. Fight the "flight" instinct. You don't have to be ***-over-teakettle in love with someone just because you're in a relationship with them. Take your time. Ask for more time if you need it. True love doesn't appear overnight, whether you've had your heartbroken or not. Just be honest with her, and with yourself.

Everyone's afraid they'll be hurt again but you need to remember that the heartbreak didn't kill you. It may have come close, but it didn't. Eventually, you'll realize you love someone even more intensely than you loved the woman you thought was "the one". It isn't magic, and it isn't simple, but it's truth and it happens if you choose to allow it.

As a final note, you can go to a relationship counselor whether you're in a relationship or not. They teach you about yourself and how to fix what you perceive as problems with yourself and how you handle relationships. And, no one has to know.

Best of luck to you...

Answer 2

You look at people as individuals instead of a group, by your question, whenever you meet a woman, you are seeing her the same way you viewed "the one". Instead of acting like a cold hearted person you allow yourself to have feelings, be careful until you feel you know this new person somewhat, then know if things don't work out that life moves on. Don't let yourself fall apart like that, it closes your life off. Don't build the emotional wall around yourself and hurt other people for what one person has done to you. You might meet a lady sometime who really enjoys your company then turns on you like a dog because you acted that way. Imagine how you would feel if you were in others shoes. It called empathy. Quit thinking everyone is out to get you.

Answer 3

It's not an easy thing to do, but with time your heart will heal. Also don't live in the past, thinking what if, that will only drag you down. Think positive and regardless if you feel like it or not, put a smile on your face. One way I got over my heartache, was I thought if I remain sad and down about being hurt, then the person who hurt me won. I am a better person then they are, so I refuse to let them win. Give it a try..it might work... Good luck to you.

Answer 4

The biggest hurdle you have to get over isn't trusting someone else, it's trusting YOURSELF and any decisions you make concerning your heart.

Like everyone else has said, time is a great healer; this is true.

Again, you need to make yourself whole before you go out looking for someone to pair up with in the world of love and dating. Otherwise, you'll just end up injuring yourself once again, and taking someone down with you in the process. The scars that you have now, you could actually give to someone else.

Take care and good luck.

Answer 5

Unfortunately I went through the same thing and the answer is called TIME...it took me 4 yrs to get over the hurt and resentment that i felt. My brick wall still pops up every now and then...I finally grew tired and prayed one day and asked GOD to make it so I wasn't so cold, hard and angry anymore. He answered my prayers and I found out that I am capable of loving again, unconditionally,unfortunately the one I feel in love with didn't feel the same. But at least I know that I can love again, now I just have to find the right one ...good luck.

Answer 6

Hey Carpentry it is very hard to open up to someone new right after you break up with someone you thought that you were gonna spend the rest of your life with. But I think that you need to get to know this person before you open up to them. See if you open up to someone to fast they will probably think your looking for a commitement. And they would use that as an advantage to tear you down and break your heart into pieces. I'm telling you this beause I know people that actually went through that. I'm including myself in on this. Don't go out looking for a commitement just yet. [e-mail]

Answer 7

First you have to accept the extreme heartbreak and be open to new possibilities. Then just let it happen. We have all been there, it's terrible to go thru but you will get thru it and who knows what is on the other side. Give yourself some time and then look forward to meeting someone who will not break your heart. Remain positive!

Answer 8

This isn't something that's going to change overnight, and jumping into a few relationship sure isn't going to sort things out either. You're probabily feeling incredibly disillusioned with dating right now, and I'm sure it's justified. Focus on other things in your life right now (work, hobbies, friends, etc.), so that you're not getting all of your validation from dating. And when it comes to dating, there's nothing with dating and not wanting anything long-term, if that's the way you feel right now.

Answer 9

i do no longer know if i've got felt deeply adequate approximately anybody for my heart to be broken on your experience. And if it became into, as i assume it ought to have been as quickly as of two times, I in all probability tried to disclaim or suppress the sensation, in what would be a common "guy" style. So i do no longer know if i've got found out something from heartbreak. From my psychological understanding of loss of life and a super sort of of the undesirable adventures i've got had with romance, or a minimum of with lust, i think of i've got found out to mistrust the entice of want. "do no longer prefer too lots, and you isn't harm too badly" is between the foremost instructions i think of i locate in stoicism and Buddhism, and in a metaphorical experience additionally in Christianity. is this precisely the incorrect lesson to do away with, do you think of? What have you ever found out from heartbreak, considering the fact which you asked the question?

Answer 10

i think its all about time. jumping right into a relationship after a heartbreak isn't good. as much as you may think your over it...your not. and sometimes you may find yourself comparing this women to the new girl. but what you really need is time. you need time to figure out yourself before you go dating around again. youll know when the time is right just hang low and stay single for a while...