This guy acts like he's really into me, like driving 1 1/2 hour to come to my house, cuddling for hours, being really sweet and affectionate, kissing me even after we are finished doing it, and we also hang out and watch TV and movies and go to Starbucks. He says he likes me and enjoys my company and that he really enjoys what we have. We've been seeing each other for about 3 months now. But he doesn't want to have a serious relationship, just wants to keep it casual like we've been doing. What do I do??? I find myself thinking about him almost all the time and really wanting more.
I don't know if I should keep seeing him or move on. I'm confused because people say he wouldn't cuddle with me if he didn't have feelings. They also say it will progress if we keep seeing each other, that he just needs to take things slow. I'm very confused! I need as much advice as possible about if you think he cares about me or not and if I should keep seeing him. Thanks
2007-02-16 13:43:44 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Your guy is a commitmentphobe. He likes you, but not enough to make it official. By refusing to make a commitment, he has the luxury of enjoying your company AND leaving his options open if he meets someone else. I've been there, and your friends are probably wrong. He might never get "serious" as long as he can have things on his terms. You have two options. You can continue to see him, but don't expect anything to come of it. Keep it loose, and date other guys if you want to. He is giving you permission. Your other option is to give him an ultimatum. He makes it exclusive or you can't see him anymore. This might work to your advantage, or he might let you walk away (and you have to be prepared to actually do it. If you come back after saying this, with no commitment from him, he knows he runs the show and can do whatever he likes). The one thing you shouldn't do is stay with him and expect him to change. This will only hurt you in the end.
2007-02-16 14:02:10 · answer #1 · answered by roknrolr63 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
So far you've contradicted yourself. You say, "he really enjoys what we have, but he doesn't want to have a serious relationship". This tells me that he likes using you. He doesn't mind the sex, but doesn't want anything "serious."
The other thing that sends out a red flag is your statement, " He just wants to keep it CASUAL like we've been doing."...truthfully, nothing you've described is casual if you are already having sex with him. That totally defines "complicated" to me.
This guy WOULD still cuddle with you even if he doesn't have feelings for you. He's not going to mess up the freebies he gets, so he's not going to rock the boat. He's obviously not stupid.
You've gone way past SLOW. This relationship won't continue even if you keep seeing each other. How can you test my advice? Tell him that sex is off limits. See how long he stays after that! True love takes time. It doesn't come in an instant bottle.
2007-02-16 21:55:20 · answer #2 · answered by domesticgoddess 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
oh dear, it sounds like you're in a really bad spot. I gather you'd already had the "talk" with him about how serious he is about the relationship? He obviously had a change of heart, at least from what you've wrote:
"But he doesn't want to have a serious relationship, just wants to keep it casual like we've been doing. "
So as much as I hate to say this, you've become nothing more than a casual sex partner for him.
I think it's time you move on and not let him "abuse" or take you for granted that way. If a guy can't sort his feelings out for you and just wants to have sex with you, what does that make you???
2007-02-16 21:51:35 · answer #3 · answered by 我是一条大懒虫 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It has only been three months. Allow yourself time to be friends, develop that this is most important. I guess I'm old fashion because I think 3 months is too soon to have sex with a man. Once he gets that, there is no challenge for him. I think you gave yourself up too soon. I know others out there my disagree with. So he drives an hour and a half to see you, men will do things to get what they want. Stop showing him how desperate you are too. How can you want more and don't know this guy too well. Hummm.
2007-02-16 21:58:33 · answer #4 · answered by ~Secretrose~ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he wants to keep it casual, then do what he wants. You only have been dating for 3 months, and if you push him into taking it further before you are both ready, you will end up losing him altogether. Just take it slow, and enjoy what you have right now. Good things come to those who wait.
2007-02-16 21:51:25 · answer #5 · answered by Prince W 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well it sounds like you guys are already dating. Why dont you try talking to him about where you stand. If you are allowed to see other people, start dating other people...dont keep yourself confined to a guy who is not giving you 100% of his love and time to you... you deserve more! good luck!
2007-02-16 21:49:15 · answer #6 · answered by Bo B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's waiting to eat you up after that dump you, so obvious. Can't you see his behaviour of not getting serious relation with you. Just to have sex with you, do you realised. Please move on and meet a better man.
2007-02-16 21:51:31 · answer #7 · answered by James Louis 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋