Please give me a funny joke I can share with my Hubby tonight?

Answer 1

Not sure of your hubby's sense of humor but me and my wife found this one funny:

What is the difference between having sex with a nympho, a hooker and your wife?
Nympho - don't come yet, don't come yet
Hooker - have you come yet?
Wife - beige, I think I'll paint the walls beige

Answer 2

Q: Define egghead. A: What Mrs. Dumpty gives to Humpty!

Answer 3

The Riddle

On his trip to Great Britain, George Bush had a meeting with Queen Elizabeth. He asked her, "How does one manage to run a country so smoothly?"
"That`s easy," she replied, "You surround yourself with intelligent ministers and advisors."

"But how can I tell whether they are intelligent or not?" he inquired.
"You ask them a riddle," she replied, and with that she pressed a button and said, "Would you please send Tony Blair in."

When Blair arrived, the Queen said, "I have a riddle for you to answer for me. Your parents had a child and it was not your sister and it was not your brother. Who was this child ?"
Blair replied, "That`s easy. The child was me."
"Very good," said the Queen, "You may go, now."

So President Bush went back to Washington and called in his chief of staff, Karl Rove. He said to him,
"I have a riddle for you, and the answer is very important. Your parents had a child and it was not your > > sister and it was not your brother. Who was this child?"
Rove replied, "Yes, it is clearly very important that we determine the answer, as no child must be left behind. Can I deliberate on this for a while?"
"Yes," said Bush, "I'll give you four hours to come up with the answer."

So Rove went and called a meeting of the White House Staff, and asked them the riddle. But after much discussion and many suggestions, none of them had a satisfactory answer. So he was quite upset, not knowing what he would tell the President.
As Rove was walking back to the Oval Office, he saw former Secretary of State Colin Powell approaching him. So he said,
"Mr. Secretary, can you answer this riddle for me. Your parents had a child and it was not your sister and it was not your brother. Who was the child?"
"That's easy," said Powell, "The child was me."

"Oh thank you," said Rove, "You may just have saved me my job!" So Rove went in to the Oval Office and said to President Bush,
"I think I know the answer to your riddle.
The child was Colin Powell!"

"No, you idiot!" shouted Bush,


"The child was Tony Blair!"

Answer 4

I'm assuming he's coming home from work....greet him with a joke associated with careers- "Why was the telephone late getting home from work?" Answer-- "He got hung up at the office!" An original--I made it up in a moment of boredom!LOL

Answer 5

A six-year-old boy told his father he wanted to marry the little girl across the street. The father, being modern and well-schooled in handling children, hid his smile behind his hand.

"That's a serious step," he said. "Have you thought it out completely?"

"Yes," his young son answered. "We can spend one week in my room and the next in hers. It's right across the street, so I can run home if I get scared of the dark."

"How about transportation?" the father asked.

"I have my wagon, and we both have our tricycles," the little boy answered.

The boy had an answer to every question the father raised.

Finally, in exasperation, his dad asked, "What about babies? When you're married, you're liable to have babies, you know."

"We've thought about that, too," the little boy replied.

"We're not going to have babies. Every time she lays an egg, I'm going to step on it!"

Answer 6

The Wide Mouth Frog >:)

A wide mouth frog was hopping through the forest.
He met a squirrel.

(Put your index fingers in the corners of your mouth, to make a really wide mouth (frog effect )as you talk - only for the frogs speech.)

"Hello, what are you?" said the wide mouthed frog.

"I'm a squirrel and I eat nuts." said the squirrel

"I'm a wide mouth frog & I eat flies." The wide mouth frog replies as he went on his way.

He met a pig.

"Hello, what are you?" said the wide mouthed frog.

"I'm a pig & I eat nuts." said the pig.

"I'm a wide mouth frog & I eat flies." The wide mouthed frog replies as he went on his way.

He met a goat.

"Hello, what are you?" said the wide mouthed frog.

"I'm a goat & I eat grass." said the goat.

"I'm a wide mouth frog & I eat flies." The wide mouthed frog replies as he went on his way.

He met a badger.

"Hello, what are you?" said the wide mouthed frog.

"I'm a badger & I eat wide mouthed frogs." said the badger

(Take your fingers out of your mouth for this bit of the wide mouthed frogs speech, and make your lips as small as possible!)

The wide mouthed frog replied, "OooO, you don't see many of those around, do you!!!!", as he hopped away