Mom obsessed with my weight?

Question

Ok.. here's the thing. I'm 5'4, 130 lbs and 16 years old. My mom constantly tells me I need to lose weight, and that if I looked at all my friends, their arms would be skinnier and their stomachs would be smaller. And she doesn't even stop there, she says its my boyfriend and his moms fault for feeding me too much and putting chemicals and stuff in the food and drinks they give me to make me fat. This is completely untrue, because they're the most amazingly nice people I've ever met. Then she tells me she says this stuff to me because she "loves" me. I've told her that I'm already losing weight and that beccause of all the muscle I've been gaining through karate (started 5 months ago), it makes my biceps look bigger. She just scoffs at me and tells me I'm fat and to look at the other girls around me. Tell me, is this normal?

Answer 1

Well, it's kind of normal, it's jealousy, but it isn't ok. I have no idea what kind of mother would tell a normal, healthy daughter to lose weight, but I know there are a lot of them out there. I guess my instinct is to buy her a dog so she has something to occupy her time, because she apparently has way too much of it. Although it also wouldn't hurt to just hug her and remind her that you will always love her no matter what. And then walk away while she's talking. Doing that every time she brings it up would certainly make an impact. ;)

Answer 2

WHy is your mom so obsessed about weight? Did she suffer when she was younger?
Your best defense is to be smart - you are engaging in excellent cardiovascular exercise - karate is great for strength and discipline. Muscle is 5 times heavier than fat - so just because someone is not losing weight does not mean they are not losing body fat.

Blaming your bf and his family is like saying you can not be responsible for controlling what you eat, implying you can't take care of yourself enough to differentiate between what is right and wrong. I'd say she needs to lighten up a lot and focus on your HEALTH, not making you try to feel insecure.

Whose ideals is she measuring you up to anyways - society's ideal that the perfect size is a 2, 4 or 6? How does she know how other girls maintain their little figures - what if they have eating disorders or other bad ways of keeping the weight off.
Have your family doctor verify it once and for all- get your BMI checked, and if the doc says you are in shape - I'd say that is proof enough.

Maybe your mom needs to get a reality checkup.

Answer 3

A mother shouldn't make you lose weight. She should love you for who you are. And for one you are not fat. 130 pounds is nothing. There are girls out there much bigger and some that are barely smaller. If she makes you lose alot of weight you could get and eating disorder or something because you'll end up striving to lose weight just to get her off your back and it won't be a good turn out. Now she obvioulsy doesn't like your boyfriend's family but it's not her that has to like them. You don't even have to like them, but it's good if you do. Your mom isn't being a very fair women to you. I think you guys should sit down and talk about this. Good Luck with how everything turns out.

Answer 4

No, it is not normal and it is not good. That is a normal weight for how tall you are. Some parents who were not happy with their teen years try to relive them through their children and it sounds like your mother may be doing that. It's terrible for your self esteem for her to tell you this. She may have grown up in the Barbie era where she thinks the only beautiful woman is a pencil thin one but even the model agencies don't agree with that being mentally or physically healthy. I think you need the help of another adult to deal with this. You don't give your age but if you have a school councillor, talk to them about it. You will be in my prayers.

Answer 5

No this is not normal. If you are healthy then why should it matter. What does she want you to do starve yourself until you lose the weight. Honestly you are at a good weight for your height. Tell your mom that she needs to back off of the weight issue. In my opinion that is how most people develop eating disorders. They listen to what other people have to say about their weight.

Answer 6

Wow your mom has no idea what shes talking about for your weight and height 130 is fine. Your mom is very incensiderate its parents like that the ones that tear their kids down and make them feel like crap that are the ones that are left shocked when thier kids start cramming their fingers down their throat. Don't worry if your healthy and you like the way that you look then who gives crap what your mother thinks it's not her body as long as your habits and way of life arent harming you or anyone else then she should be supporting you. There are just way too many anorexic skeletal girls whom I would just love to throw a hot dog at don't let your mom turn you into one of them.

Answer 7

Your mom is wrong to be constantly be on you about your weight, especially in the negative way she is doing it. It's one thing to be concerned about your child's weight, and another to ruin their self-esteem over it. Especially, by comparing you to friends. It gives the underlying message that your friends are better than you, and that weight is a factor on what kind of person you are. Your mom needs to know that muscle can weigh more than fat. I would print out your questions her and all the answers, or write her a letter expressing your feelings. Writing is very therapeutic, whether she responds or not, you will feel better for writing it. Maybe she is a little jealous over how you feel about your boyfriend and his parents?

Answer 8

O my mom does the same exact thing! When ever I eat she spazzes and freaks out! My boyfriend says im really skinny and says im so hot. But my mom thinks different. She says that my friends are so skinny and look so pretty. So am I really fat. Im also16 and im about 5"6 and weigh like133 to 136. That drives me crazy when she says that. It really hurts my feelings to. Its so not normal for a mom to do that. I'm trying to loose weight but its hard.

Answer 9

I think it depends a lot on how insecure your mom is about her own weight. When I was your age I was approximately the same weight and slightly taller. My mother (who was 5'4" and about 115 pounds) used to "encourage" me to lose weight fairly regularly.

A few years later, when my weight hadn't changed at all and she had gone on tamoxifen and gained about 30 pounds, she became convinced I was anorexic (we're talking 5'6" and approximately 135 pounds).

Since then, I've had 2 kids (the youngest turned 1 this week) and weighed 142.5 this morning. Mom has gained about another 10. She's given up on me and is just worried about her own weight openly.

Answer 10

I think you mother has some hang ups about her own weigh either for now or something that happen in her pass. No mother wants to see her child unhealthy but I feel she is over reacting. Just made sure to eat a healthy diet and get some exercise and tell mom to get a life. Good luck.