How can you withdraw something kinda hurtful you said to your kid?

Question

This happened in a moment of anger, because he messed up bad. He needs a lesson, is going through a terrible phase, but what I said was out of order and can cause serious problems . How can I withdraw without losing authority?

Answer 1

This is a good question and you must withdraw the painful thing you said because it will haunt both of you if you don't. I would say something like this: "Son, I made a terrible mistake when I was talking to you earlier and I want to admit it and apologize. When I said _____________, it just wasn't true. I responded out of frustration and I did not mean it. I am sorry. I don't like your behavior, but I love YOU more than you can imagine and I always will. I hope you will forgive me."
But you will still have to remain firm on his misbehavior.

Answer 2

A moment in time you can never relive, words you can never take back, and worse pain you have caused that you feel you can't make better? Yes, to all of the above! But, as a mother who often found myself on the edge during "those years", and lashed out more than once I'm sure to my three daughters, let me assure you your child will get beyond your anger. More importantly you also must get beyond the guilt you feel right now, as you need to be a parent and an adult, for your child's sake. An apology for losing your temper , without a long explanation is enough, as it isn't his job to be mature about this. He has every right to be hurt, angry and resentfull . It is not your job to "makeup" for this, nor should you try to be his "friend". I learned only by my mistakes that my girls needed and wanted a mother, not a buddy. Now that my youngest is 30yrs old, these trying years seem long ago, as we are best friends, as well as mother and daughters. It is but a moment in your lives together, a few careless words in a lifetime of conversations, and perhaps small pain compared to what life may bring in years beyond, so just remember to be there for him, accessible and open, with love and patience.

Answer 3

Take this advice from someone whos father has always done stuff like that. I dont know if my dad every realy wanted to take back the stuff he had said to me. But you want to be listened to and taken seriously sit down with your kid like as they are falling asleep and just say your sorry and you are having a hard time adjusting on them growing older. I wish more parents would just say sorry insted forgetting about the prob. Because the kid will always remember something hurtful a parent had said to them. Im 18 and I remember things my dad said out of anger from when i was like 7. Hope that helped.

Answer 4

That is the thing about letting yourself lose control in front of your children.You can't take it back they remember every mean thing you have ever said to them.They don't have the life experience to understand that things are said in anger that aren't meant.But then again they are children and shouldn't have to understand.You should keep yourself in check.I know it is hard.But saying hurtful things to your child even in anger is never o.k. and is child abuse.It is one thing to say something mean to another adult whom hurt you.Because you want to hurt them back.But why on earth would you ever want to hurt your child like that.And has for authority exactly how much authority do you think you are going to have when that child loses respect for you because of your inability to control yourself like a adult.If you were wrong you need to own your mistake and talk to your kid.This is a good opportunity to teach him how to own up to your mistakes and how to be a good person by admitting their mistakes and being big enough to apologize for you actions.

Answer 5

You can't withdraw what you said. You said it in a moment of anger and it was designed to hurt him. Just because child messes up, that is no reason for the parent to hurt them. You are supposed to protect your child, not hurt them when they mess up.. You should be on your knees begging for his forgiveness, and thanking the lord that he was able to bless you with such a precious gift.

Answer 6

that's a tough one! Depends on the level of hurt. If it was a personal jab, you need to apologize but remain firm in whatever form of discipline you may have ordered or the child will walk all over you til the end of time! Good luck with that one!

Answer 7

It sounds like you need help from an outside source for parenting.have you talked to anyone in the family about it.I think you need to talk to your kid and get things right with them.It is not right for kids to have to carry such pain in thier lives.Kids need to be kids and kids will be kids..make us angry and us adults.( including myself at times) need to think before reacting.Makes things better.Also try to look at the view point from your child shoes and it will give you an idea of how you should react in a situation.All kids are differnt and need guidence in diffent ways all you can do is be there.Find ways to spend time together and make up.

Answer 8

I think we have all done this as parents. Tell him that you are sorry about what you said. For a parent to apologize teaches the child to apologize also. It enhances the quality of owning up to your mistakes and facing them properly.

Answer 9

you can't. i still remember things my mother said to me out of anger, and she still remembers things her parents said to her out of anger. and after all these years, it still hurts. yeah, your kid might be an a$$hole at times, but he is a kid. they are supposed to be. you are the parent you are the responsible one and you shouldn't lose control like that. the only thing you can do is apologize and learn from your mistake.

Answer 10

Tell your child that what you said was wrong and not the right thing but that he is still in trouble and what he did is not acceptable and never will be. Make sure the phrase I love you also fits in there.