Is this a good use of Time-out?

Question

My daughter was put in timeout today for not using the restroom as ordered by the preschool director. It's part of their routine to use the restroom before naptime, but the entire staff is aware I pick her up just before naptime. I know my daughter, she doesn't want to "go" until she feels she needs to, and she doesn't have accidents.

I know she should be following directions, but I don't believe she should be expected to have a bodily functon on demand.

Also, I found this out when my daughter told me she was in time-out today. I casually asked the teacher, and she cast a furtive glance at the director and explained the restroom situation. As we left the director ducked into a storage room. This didn't seem odd until later today when I thought about it some more.


Should I talk with the director or the teacher about this?


PS, I thank God this isn't 20 years ago, she might've been spanked for this. :(

In case it wasn't clear, the preschool put her in timeout, not me.

Answer 1

First of all this is DEFINETLY not a good reason for putting your daughter in time out. If it would have happened to my child I woud have gotten furiouse. And actually it did happen to him but in kindergarten at the begining of the school year. My son told me he owed the teacher five minutes of bench time during recess. When I asked him why? He told me that it was because he used the restroom right after recess. I called the teacher and asked her what her policy was on using the restroom, she told me that the children needed to go to the restroom during recess and not right after they come in the class room. I understood her reason but I also want my son to know that he can use the restroom when ever he wants but that he should try to go during recess. And explained that after 10 minutes of being in the class after recess that he could use the restroom. My son thought that if he didn't use the restroom during recess he had to hold it till he went home. Which he did a couple of times untill I explained to him. In your case, its rediculus and unfair for your daughter to be put on timeout for not going to the restroom. It sould be a choice. Time out is such a negative thing to do to a child. In your daughters mind she is probobly thinking she is bad or wrong just because she is listening to her body. I'm a preschool teacher and I've been to so many trainings paid for by the state. Time out is a negative form of discipline. It isolates children instead of working with them to solve their problem. In your daughters case they used time out to benefit themselves. So they wouldn't have to deal with her getting up or maybe having an accident. But they failded to listen to her when she told them she didn't have to go. This raises a red flag! This teacher or director, are failing to respect your daughers temperment, which if they knew, one of the 9 characteristics in temperment is REGULARITY which means that the child goes to the bathroom, gets hungry, gets sleepy at certain times. They should already know how your daugher is. If I were you I would bring it up and talk about it or find a different daycare.

Answer 2

This is a tough situation, but your daughter most likely put the director in an awkward situation. If it's the rule, then allowing your daughter to be the exception would cause issues with the other children ("how come she doesn't have to?"). And depending on how your daughter responded and how many other children were around, the director may have had no choice if it was appearing that it's okay to talk to the director that way and disobey him/her.

It was definitely wrong of the director to duck out of the room. Total cowardice. Yes I think you should talk with the teacher and director about this just so you can all be on the same page about what behavior is expected from your daughter in the future. And to hear their side of what happened today. Then work out something you can all be comfortable with.

Answer 3

Imagine having 8 children at your care and all the children know they are going to go potty before nap time but your girl doesn't have to because so and so reason, then the other children are going to think is unfair for them to go potty and not her. Your girl has to follow every instruction, every procedure so that can order and fairness be maintain at the daycare.
Day cares are filled with procedures for the everyday activities and if one child doesn't want to do it, believe me, she will encourage others not to.
Sitting her at time-out was a great idea since it shows the other children as well as your little girl what happens if you don't follow instructions, also your little girl will think its not to do what she is asked for because her mommy says its ok not to, and you will have a problem with her at daycare in some other issues and when she goes to school.

Answer 4

1. They shouldn't be telling your daughter when she needs to go to the bathroom, she should be telling them. Talk to the director, or find a new preschool.
2. There is nothing wrong with spanking, it is not abuse, and kids need to be spanked occassionally. Not by the preschool, but by the parents.

Answer 5

your daughter shouldn't have to force herself to use the bathroom when she don't feel like going that's stupid why put a child on time out just because she didn't want to use the restroom, I understand about following direction but aint that way too much to put a child for a time out for not using the bathroom you need to talk to this people, I wouldn't want my daughter being treated like that...

Answer 6

There is no good use for "time out" It is part of the thinking of our modern world. As far as spanking, those of us who were spanked turned out alot better than the kids of today. Time out is a lazy parent's way of dealing with a problem.

Answer 7

i think u should talk to the director..... it is strange to be demanded to have a bodily function..... and if she is like me i didnt use the school bathrooms until like 2nd grade... i would come home w/ stomachaches from not going to the bathroom...... anyway..... that is a wrong use of time out....

Answer 8

your daughter should learn to follow instructions. it's certainly not going to harm her to"TRY" to go . when dealing with alot of small children the majority probably would have accidents if not following this rule. that said, it's weird the director would avoid you. that is what would make me uneasy.