I will be 18 & and fiance will be 19 when we marry this summer. Alot of people are critisizing us about this. I know he will be the one I marry no matter what so I don't see whats so wrong with it. My parents are okay with and but his not really so much. They all say we are too young. We have been through alot together and it feels like this should be the next step. I want to get married young, and I dont want to wait. I just don't know how to deal with all these people on our back. Some help would be really great!!!
2007-02-16 12:09:41 · 21 answers · asked by Pamela 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Go for what you think is right in your heart. Dont let people bring you down or criticize you for being too young. I myself am going to be 18 and my fiancee will be 19 when we get married in October. His mom loves the idea, his dad and stepmom basically have nothing to do with us and dont support our relationship. My family loves it!! and loves us being together! If you think hes the one....then why wait to show it to the world that you are meant for each other and that you WILL last? Have any of you seen the show Engaged and Underage? They do what they think is right no matter the consequences or their parents beliefs. Just because other people getting married at our age have had a failed marriage, doesnt mean we should have to be degraded and put into the group of that statistic. LIke i said, if you both feel its the right time and you will have no regrets once its over..THEN GO FOR IT HUN!
2007-02-16 18:24:08 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a long post. Get comfy.
Yes it is okay. You two are completely within your rights to get married. Some will tell you not to because you are so young and they have a VERY valid point. However, push comes to shove, it is your life and you should live it as YOU see fit and not at the expectations of others.
I'm sure others have mentioned this. So I'll just say my peace and be done with it. Getting married is a big step. Lets just go down the easy list of things you must answer between you and your fiance before you get married.
1. Do you and/or your fiance have a job?
2. Where will you live?
3. Who will attend school first? (At the same time may not be practical.)
4. Will you have health insurance?
5. Basic bills: rent, food, electric, gas, water, trash, car payment. Will the job (quest. #1) you have cover these bills? Do you know or have a budget?
6. Do you want children? How soon or far away? How many? Birth control? Can you properly care/support a child? How will the children be raised? (disipline, religion, etc.)
7. How will you resolve issues that will come up in marriage? (IE. pout, scream/yell, silent treatment, throw things, name call, etc. OR sit down and put your feelings aside to find the most reasonable resolution even if it isn't the one either of you hoped for)
8. Everyone wants personal quality time, discuss what this entails for both of you.
9. How involved will your parents be in your married life? How will you both assert yourselves as an independant married couple?
10. Household chores, who does what? Go down the list, and split them up. (example: My husband does dishes, trash, cat boxes, yard work, and fixing things that are broken. I do everything else.)
If you can answer these questions and get agreed reasonable answers then your marriage has a shot. I've included 2 links to 2 books I think you should buy, read, and use in your life.
2007-02-16 13:29:54 · answer #2 · answered by Poppet 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, how long have you been together? Second of all, have you dated other people?
I ask these questions because I truly believe it takes at least 3 years in a solid relationship before you can know if they are the one you will spend your life with. Right now, you are young, and you are running on a lot of ephoria and hormones. I met my now-husband when I was 16 and began dating him at 17. We dated for almost 3 years, then our relationship hit a roadblock and we broke up. It's almost like you personally go through changes that affect your relationship. It's just a part of growing.
On to my second question, have you dated other people? You don't want to be 30 years old and look back wondering what you missed out on. Of course you don't want to wait now. When you love someone, it is hard to wait. While my husband and I were broken up, I dated several people. It was then that I saw that he truly was the one, and we got back together and got married. Now I never have to wonder what I am missing out on, because I know what is out there and I know there's nothing better.
You have to look at statistics, and staticstics say teenage marriages have a much higher divorce rate. However, this is not an exact science. My advice would be to wait, but I also know how hard it is.
Starting out in a marriage is financially rough, and with you guys being so young, I can imagine it will be alot rougher on you two. Finances are the number 1 cause of arguments in a marriage.
Just some things to take into consideration. If you do decide to wed anyways...good luck and I hope you have a beautiful wedding. It is a day you will never forget.
2007-02-16 16:27:38 · answer #3 · answered by queenB 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I say go for it! If you are really truely in Love with him and do not see yourself with any other person in your life you will be just fine. Back in the old days people married at 14. I am not sure why we have all moved the age up 10+ years. When you know, you know. Just make sure you both give it 150% each! That is the most important advice I can give you. I got married at 23 now I am 25, people then were giving me crap about being so young. At least your parents agree with you. That will make your life a lot easier....mine didnt....they will get over it. Trust me his parents will soon realize how much you love each other and that it was meant to be and also that you are your own family now. Best Wishes to you both and a long and loving Marriage.
2007-02-16 16:23:11 · answer #4 · answered by tasgunter 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I dont want to be another person on your back, but I definitely think you should wait. A lot of the time people think that this is their true love and they will marry them at no matter what age and that is true in some cases, but you do not stop changing until you are about 25 and your opinion might change by then. If you really do love this man and want to get married though, I still think you should wait in consideration for the best interest of the relationship. You need to think about future problems that will arise such as kids and bills and jobs. My mom always reminds me not to get married until at least the age of 25, because she got married before that age and although she loves my dad, her life now is not the one that she wanted to live because she didnt wait until she was older and knew what she wanted to do and where she wanted to be. I wish you and your partner good luck and I hope whatever you choose makes you guys happy in the long run.
-Wraychill
2007-02-16 12:37:39 · answer #5 · answered by Wraychill 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Why are you so intent upon marrying at a young age? Is it just because you don't want to wait? wait for what? Is it sex.....
if it is than that is the last reason to get married. You're not looking for a real relationship just a physical one.
If that isn't the reason...then maybe you should analyze yourself a little more and try to understand what is motivating you. Do you want to get out of your house? Is there too much pressure at home? Don't feel loved enough?
Why don't you go to a marriage counselor and discuss this. You might just get some insight into what others are worried about.
2007-02-16 12:18:12 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I will say this, it is not easy getting married at any age. If you both feel very strongly about getting married. then I suggestion that you start receiving marriage counselling as soon as possible that is a very important step towards understanding how ultimately serious this really is. You and him seriously need to think and talk about how your plans of marriage are going to impact each others decisions individually before you marry.You do not want to rush into this and move to fast and regret being married later on. It is possible that you are both very much in love with one another but are you willing to make the necessary sacrifices along with being married on both sides. You must be very mature in your decisions before and after marriage and that means not your own selfish feelings have to be set aside. You both need to seriously look at your future as far as finances, pursuing you education, moving into a comfortable place to live, having good transportation and much later children, your not ready for that right now and you need to just focus on you and him first. You both need to seek wisdom from a couple or couples that have been through the same challenges that you'll must face.If you'll are willing to do these things then, I pray that you will seek guidance and not end up being a statistic of divorce a few years later. Remember God honours marriage but, be ready for the sacrifices and challenges ahead.
2007-02-16 14:22:17 · answer #7 · answered by blackfoott9 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I can only tell you from my own experience. My husband and I got married at 19 &20. We had our first child when we were married 10 1/2 mths. We had a second child at 3 years of marriage( this was before birth control pills were widely available) We struggled our whole life to give our children everything we want too.Nothing ever came easy. I've only gotten 1 year of college and never earned any sizeable amount of money. Our life only got easier, after they left home. I would never give up my children, but would I ever do it over again...or wish my life on any other young woman...HELL NO! Live some life for yourself, while you are young! I'll be married to a man I loved at 19, he is someone I'm used to now. True love will wait. Get an education. You will never regret it. I know you won't want to here this, but you are still kids. For heavens sake....you can't even drink at your wedding. Please listen to this old sage's advice, wait! (P.S. I'll be married 43 years in April and it was a long, tough road!)
2007-02-16 22:08:52 · answer #8 · answered by Pat C 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
My grandparents were married even as they were 18 and are nevertheless mutually and my mothers and fathers married even as my mom change into 19 and they are nevertheless mutually too. i do not see a tremendous variety of my friends operating down the aisle and that i'm 20. My boyfriend and that i have agreed that if issues exercising consultation we are going to get married when we are 25. this is adequate time to get many years into our careers, likely flow as a lot as a more effective sturdy position, and performance adequate sources to discover the money for a wedding ceremony. i imagine a tremendous variety of human beings get married so youthful because they experience an identical way you do about marriage yet translate it the option way: if marriage isn't any different then relationship, then why wait? i imagine yet an extra reason human beings get married youthful is that perchance they have not had the soundness of their very own kin that they have got mandatory, so that they wrestle to create their very own stability by potential of starting up a clean kin.
2016-10-17 07:34:17 · answer #9 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honestly, I think you should ignore what everyone else says. If this is what you and your fiancee want, then you should go for it. If you are truly in love and financially independent, then why wait? Age is just a number, it doesn't represent anything. You could be just as mature as a 26 year old, or people that are 26 years old could act like a 17 year old. Age does not represent maturity. If you and your fiancee are ready to make this commitment together, then go for it. Obviously your parents are concerned, but have a heart to heart with them and explain to them that this is what you want, whether or not they choose to accept it. Your family should not be on your back about this, they should be more concerned about your happiness.
2007-02-17 11:38:16 · answer #10 · answered by amcs 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋