Going to end up dying?

Question

I booked an hoilday day for today thanks god, i sleep in till about 12 ish. I sleep alot. I don't wonna talk no one. I cut myself up pretty good last night. I was smiling so much " more f>>k more deep deeper bleed please bleed". Like it was some kinda crazy ****. But it turned out so good bust yet i think. I mean i was so good at it. I'm so pleased at myself. Tonight will be more of the same. Bring it on is what i say. "Die ***** Die" more and more. Just more i don't care. The truth is i should have ended this **** the day before yesterday. AHHHH Whatever................. keep death close to me now don't go far i need u soon death stay close to me now.

I'm a manic depressive, on my 3rd lot of anti- depressents. I see a counselor. I only see my gp. gp sent me to other docs they send they can't do nothing. I go to a&e though cutting or overdosing they just send me home. I can't just go to a Psho hospital coz we can't work in them here. I don't know what to do.

I've to tell my gp but she is not really that worred

Answer 1

look@it this way... everyone dies someday

Answer 2

If what you are doing is not working then it's about time you take that to another location level with the help of an individual who has been around your sneakers and perfected the artwork of getting and influencing women, Joshua Pellicer and the answers you may find in his book Tao of Badass here https://tr.im/5texl .
Joshua Pellicer is just a dating professional, who shows men all the strategies behind finding the woman they want to get and Tao of Badass is an on-line plan that tries to exhibit men ways to get any attractive and hot woman they desire.
With this specific amazing information you will even get six bonuses, including the web video Human Body Language Mastery, along side three free benefit books.
The many videos are also exemplary, particularly the Body Language Expertise series. These include some good information that many people only do not know about. As soon as you do know, nevertheless, you'll wonder the way you got by without it.

Answer 3

Ask for a different counsellor and GP then go make some real friends, not the pretend ones. I'm scared for you, but I know cutting is all about wanting attention I've been there but not quite as bad as it sounds for you. I didn't want to go on anti-depressents my first counsellor was useless as he spoke so slowly and he reminded me of my even more useless English teacher.

I eventually got another counsellor and she was amazing, she recommended I take a career break (a policy with work), I was 21 at the time. Then travel round Europe, I'm from the UK so its not such a big leap. I decided that was a bit extreme so I booked 5 weeks off work and got all my documents together for travelling, threw a load of kit in the back of my car and drove round Europe for 5 weeks notching up 4,500miles best time of my life spent on my own. I just got to think about everything with no interuptions it gave me a whole new perspective on life. I just felt like nothing mattered to me I was born to enjoy life not to worry about it. You're probably not in the same position to do something like that, I put it all on my credit card £2,000 ($3900) plus £500 ($1,957) I had from my wages. I managed to pay it off in 8 months thanks to some bonuses at work.

I'd look after you if you lived next door, good luck and best wishes x

Answer 4

Hi, I have BPD too. Just hang in there and don't slack on the meds...it takes a little time for them to get in your system well.
If you have been on the same meds for a while and still feel the sam, then it's time to change your meds (type) or your dosage.
Have you tried Lamictal? I didn't think it was really working until one day I just woke up and didn't have the urge to cut or off myself---all day.
It may sound like nothing to some, but to me it was everything. Also talking to someone helps. If you feel the need, email me and I will get back to you ASAP....I'm opening my email option just in case. That goes for anyone. If you need to talk, I'm here.
If you are in the US there are tons of great psychiatrists and psychologists - just don't settle is all I can say...you will find one that is right for you.
When all else fails - distract yourself, read, fart around on the net, something - ANYTHING. You're still here for a reason.
If you think you need someone to talk to immediately - then call
1-800-784-2433 or 1-800-273-8255 - they are suicide hotlines, and are staffed with crisis counselors to help for free (US).

Answer 5

I know that feeling, I have the scars to prove it. Many scars... fading now...
What I did was to basically improve my life so I had less about it to hate. I went out more and did more fun things. Cinema once a week, visiting my friends all day saturday, reading more books and going for walks outside.
There's no easy way out of this life. I know that now. You can change things and be happier but it takes effort (and believe me I know that living does not always seem worth effort but it can be worth it in the long run) but if you are clever about it then it only takes a little effort.
A small change makes a big difference. Just do a few more things you enjoy. There is always something to live for.
At one point I put off suicide each week so I could see the next episode of Doctor Who and ended up forcing myself to see the next series (I needed to know what happened next). It's silly little things like this that make life good.
The world may seem black and horrible but inside it is gooey and delicious... like a jellybaby. I guess what I am trying to say is that you can't get better unless you do happy fun things more and that even a little change will make a big difference.

There are people who understand, look to books, songs and poems for inspiration. I found some great music when I was depressed. This song for instance:

QUEEN MISERY - by For My Pain...
"Too many broken promises in her fragile life
Too many secret thoughts she tried to hide that night
So hard she tried to escape
But the pain was everywhere

No, take this pain away
Even for one day
She cried on her own grave
Please, demons set me free
My heart has started to bleed
And I've become the queen misery
And it lasts forever

(instrumental)

She tried to reach to the stars all her life
But her mind fell apart every time
So hard she tried to escape
But the pain was everywhere

No, take this pain away
Even for one day
She cried on her own grave
No, take this pain away
Even for one day
She cried on her own grave "

Anyway do what you have to and bleed as much as you need to but not a drop more. Find the way to happiness by looking at the world around you. One day someone will need you for something really important so make it to that day however you can. There are no easy answers but not everything has to be hard. Take care and should you need me feel free to contact me (e-mail link on my answers profile or through my 360 page).

Answer 6

If you want to learn all the secrets behind the art of seduce a female then that https://tr.im/FMnsm is your book.
The Tao of Badass is a unique and specific eBook that includes the fundamental and practical strategies for getting the woman you would like, getting recognized by the ladies and or even more women wondering you out for a date.
To put points up, you'll get an entirely comprehensive definition of the word badass that's heavily utilized in the guide – ‘badass '.
Joshua Pellicer brakes down the word ‘badass'into 25 critical parts so that you know precisely how to be ‘that guy'who gets all the ladies he desires.
Learning ‘why you take action' is needed for getting your trust in the newest methods you learn.
Tao of Badass will allow you to get totally fired up hitting the groups and begin putting your brand-new abilities to apply!

Answer 7

your stronger than you think. the amount of times i have felt so negative to the point of bursting.yes i admit i have never cut myself or been on any tablets or really seriously meant to kill myself but i do get to that stage quite alot where i think wats the point? but i think i got a girlfriend i've got friends i have a family and they wouldn't want to let me leave anytime soon.whatever you think whatever you have done whatever has happend do you know what it's not worth going down deaths route.I'm scared of death it worries me do you know what i do. i shut my eyes remember a happy time when you laughed or when you were emotionally stimulated the most and touch some wood gently and feel the touch it makes you feel alive.close off and relax breathe deeply. They say that every tear that you cry ill be returne when you die and i bet you have cried alot people will cry harder if you leave.

Answer 8

Dont give up on the treatment,keep persevering with your doctor.The best advice ive always found when you feel like you feel now is to take each day 1 day at a time.Keep seeing your councellor & dont give up.I tell myself every day is a new day & its never too late.Dont give up-you will get where you want to be eventually,it just takes time.Be kind to yourself.Praise & reward yourself for the good things you manage & forgive yourself for the things that go wrong.Dont be scared to ask for more help if you need it.Keep talking Good luck

Answer 9

it is very sad to think that people who want to live, dies and people who wants to die, live. Things in life cant be explained and this is one of them. For the meantime, get access to a therapist or better yet talk to someone and get to the bottom of the reason for feeling that way. I know its more complex than what u have just written in 3 pharagraphs but i certainly hope that u will seek help somewhere. take good care of yourself...no one can do that best but you.

Answer 10

sweetie i know exactly how you feel. i cut myself a lot. and my parents are so fed up with it they dont care anymore. they sent me to a psych ward twice and it helped for awhile. the antidepressants made me a lot worse so i just took myself off of them. havent been to a doctor about this crap since december. actually it was my therapist who i saw like twice but my parents didnt wanna pay for it. i wanna die a lot of the time..the only one who keeps me going is my amazing boyfriend. find someone you can really trust who can actually get you the help you need. lots of love <3 jenny
email me if you need anything or wanna talk: [e-mail]
♥

Answer 11

What country do you live in? If you live in the USA and they won't send you to a psych hospital, go out publicly and threaten to kill yourself. Then they will send you to the psych hospital. Good luck!

You need your meds adjusted really badly!