What do you think ?... What meaning do you find in this?....
Is there something you would add?....
There is no sun
It vanished
It is now gone
You shut your eyes to the beauty
Little by little you fell asleep
...and oblivion erased your memories of fall
And blinded your eyes
Don't wash your tears in me
You gave it up... I can see
It is a nightmare
I can't ease your sburden
For every pill which swallowed me in that sun
I can't breathe a lie
No longer will I co ntinue this night
It's dark
Yet I see all you've done
The strenght, held in meaningless words
2007-02-16 10:36:03 · 5 answers · asked by Lizzeth 3 in Society & Culture ➔ Languages
Make It Positive, E.G.:
In the Light of the Night
There is no sun,
It vanished,
leaving me to the velvet night.
I shut my eyes to the beautiful world.
Little by little I fall asleep into alpha,
as if an oblivion erased my memories of the day,
and blindfolded my eyes.
My tears are gone,
I gave them up... I now can see:
It is a dream of beauty,
which comforts me.
For every dream,
which will follow me and the sun,
I breathe love.
I will continue this splendid night
It's dark but enlightening.
I see all I can do with love.
There is strength,
held in meaningless words.
No copyright claimed on the changes!
Your poem has great foundation and depth, keep it positive! It seems you can be a very good poet!
Cordially, India.Magica
2007-02-16 12:09:21 · answer #1 · answered by india.magica 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have a good idea, but I think a thesaurus would help...seems like it needs to be a bit more variation in the wording
2007-02-16 10:45:22 · answer #2 · answered by margarita 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Very negative. Seems grave, hopeless, dire. Much like the war in Iraq.
2007-02-16 10:43:17 · answer #3 · answered by Smarty Pants™ 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
um....its to vague i think....if u make your message more specific people will be able to appreciate it more...
2007-02-16 10:46:39 · answer #4 · answered by Dani A. 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry cant read it so long ..... :(
2007-02-16 11:06:51 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋