How to deal with people at school during my pregnancy?

Question

I'm sixteen and pregnant with twins. Except for a rough period at the beginning of my pregnancy, I've felt really strong about the whole thing and I've tried not to let the people at school get to me. But now, I'm really getting a lot bigger and my life is getting pretty miserable.

There are all sorts of rumors about me... I slept with the janitor, I slept with the biggest nerd in school... they go on and on. But that's not who I am, at all!

In addition, I feel that my friends and I aren't connecting the same way we used to. I was walking to my friend Lauren's house with my friends Leah and Lindsay. They were having fun running and sliding across the ice... and then you see me, waddling, trying not to slip. They go sledding. I sit on a freezing cold, icy hill and watch. I feel like I've lost a piece of our friendship because I'm so limited. I understand that I have to grow up, and I really think I have in the past few months... but I'm losing my friendship because of it.

- Iris

I know that part of the reason is because I'm going through things that (not to sound pretentious) they're not going to understand for a LONG time. They babysit for the neighbors next door. Change a few diapers, play a few games, put them to bed, and then leave. That's going to be my life.

Also, there's nothing to hide about my pregnancy. The father of my babies even goes to my school. I have two classes with him!

Just to add - there are no other teen moms in my area. In my high school of about 1500 students, I am the only pregnant one. I live in a 95% white, upper class town... it's "big news" when a black family moves to town, or something like that. That's why there are so many people who find it amusing to make fun of "that girl next door who got knocked up."

Answer 1

This is a tough time for you. Your life is completely changing, and it's never going to go back to the way it was. You're going to grow up fast. It's normal for you to mourn a little for the loss of your old life - playing in the snow and hanging out with your friends.

One big part of growing up will be learning to ignore the rumors about you. You know who you are. I know it is hurtful when people say those things about you, but if you know who you are it doesn't matter who they think you are.

As far as your friendships, they are probably going to change. Try to still be a good friend to them, and if they are good friends, the friendships will survive, but in a changed form. As you said, you can't do many of the things that they do, and that will continue to be the case after your babies are born. And they won't understand what your life is like or the things you are going through. But you can still talk about the things you have in common, and get together when you have the chance.

It also would be good for you to try to meet some other young moms who you will have more in common with. If you go for childbirth or parenting classes, you might meet some there. Or find out if there's a support group for young moms in your area. Or if you know of other girls in your school who are pregnant or who have babies, strike up a conversation. It sounds like it would help you a lot to have some friends who can relate to your situation.

Good luck to you and your little ones. This is a tough time, but it will also be a growing experience for you, and hopefully one that you will look back on as a positive thing in many ways.

Answer 2

Iris -
I am so sorry about what you are feeling, but it is natural.
Your friends are still kids and you, in essence, are becoming
an adult (a little early, but just the same a mother, an adult).

Alot of communities have support groups and I bet there is
one in your area for teenage mothers. This will help you to meet other people in your same situation.... make new friends that you have more in common with.

As far as the rumors go.......I know its hard, but don't let it get
to you. Kids are mean and they can be really stupid. The truth
is that they are just curious about what happened, who got you pregnant. If you have nothing to hide then just be honest.
It will help reduce the rumors. If you do have something to hide
then get counseling.

Good luck, Iris.
Trish

Answer 3

Unfortunately that's what happens when something happens to you that people your age haven't discovered yet.

Don't let the people at school get to you - It just shows they're not worth the space they walk on. Bullies, all of them. Ignore the rumors and ignore the snide comments. One day they'll understand that people are different, let them all be clones of each other.

Your friendship WILL suffer... moreso when you've HAD the babies than now. They'll need your attention more than your friends, and unless your friends are going to come over and help cleaning up poo and singing to the babies then you and your friends are going to drift apart a bit. But you should try and stay in touch as much as possible.

Answer 4

I can relate to your situation. I was an unmarried 17 year old senior in high school whenever I got pregnant. I myself had to put up with a lot of people talking about me. I had one teacher who was really judgmental towards me once she found out I was pregnant. Then there was this one girl who was in some of my classes who always talked about me and she make a rude remark to me about how its just sluts getting pregnant anymore. I had to put up with the rude comments and judgmental looks all year. Really the only thing you can do is just don't let people know that what's being said is getting to you. I know that at times it does and it's understandable. Just don't listen to what people have to say.

About the issue with your friends, just like it was said before in previous answers, now you are going to see who your true friends are. I had a good amount of friends, or so I thought, before I got pregnant. But in the long run I only had two true friends. So just hang in there. Keep a positive attitude. I know that it's nice to have people to talk to and to hang out with but right now you should just worry about taking care of yourself and your baby.

Even though we don't know each other feel free to e-mail me if you have any other questions. I'll try my best to answer them. Even if you just want to talk to someone about related things you can e-mail me.

Answer 5

Trust me, I know how you feel. I was married and prego at 19, but looked young for my age. People would say "oh you poor thing, what grade are you in?" grrrr.

A friend of mine was raped by her dad at age 9 and had a baby. Her entire family and all her friends turned on her, even though it wasnt her fault. You really find out who your real friends are. Now, her daughter is 13, and recently gave birth to twins. Ugh, its so sad. I'm proud of you for being strong, and you seem wise for your age. Things ARE going to be different. You will always relate better to people who have kids, than people who dont. Your TRUE friends will stand by you no matter what, but you will probably find yourself feeling too old for them soon. Try to hang in there, you are doing your best, and at least you are taking responsibility for your actions. If you ever need someone to talk to, you can IM me at [e-mail] or message me at www.myspace.com/rachelemonique

God bless, sweetie!

Answer 6

You are about to find out who your true friends are. This is why people don't want teenagers to have sex and get pregnant.... it means giving up your youth.
Your friends are never going to understand what you're going through... and by the time they have kids, your kids will be in school.
I recommend that you find some "Mom friends" or a multiple-birth group.

Answer 7

theres this book i read about a girl who was pregnant at the same age. i forgot what its called tho (sorry) but when i find the title i'll tell you because you'll probably relate a lot to it. Anways of course your friends are gonna act like that, their lives haven't changed, only yours has. You should probably surround yourself with the things and people you love. Get involved in something to keep you occupied and happy. and oh yeah **** all the haters! lol

Answer 8

you are right about them not understanding. even if they are supportive and happy for you they really don't know what you are going through. i know what it's like. i was 19 when i first got pregnant and the only one of my friends with kids. even though i wasn't as young as you and didn't have to go through school while pregnant, people who i thought were my friends talked about me behind my back and spread rumors. see if you can find a support group for teen moms in your area. it really helps to talk to those who truly understand what you're feeling and are going through. if you ever feel like you need to talk but can't find someone, e-mail me. i'd be happy to listen and help if i can. good luck hun!

Answer 9

my best friend at school had a baby when she was 16 and she had to put up with all sorts of rumours and strange looks. but she kept her head held high and always had a smile on her face and to those who were acting like idiots, she just stood up to them.
and now she has a beautiful girl, and she can proudly say that she graduated from high school while being a mum.
i know its easier said than done but don't let them get to you. people like that are just not worth bothering with.
good luck with your babies!

Answer 10

dont feel bad, i have a 15 year old friend who is pregnant, and everyone is totally nice about it!