What if I don't trust my mother's husband around my child and she is going to spend the night there.?

Question

My mother's husband of 10+ years has always been a bit odd and I just do not trust him around my preschooler. He seems loving, caring, etc, but something in my gut has always told me not
trust him. Perhaps he's just strange. The problem is that my child stays over night at their house occasionally. How can I tell my mother not to take her eyes of my child without coming out and accusing him of something that I have no proof of? One time she left him alone with my child and I couldn't believe it, and I don't want it to happen ever again. At the same time, I don't want to deprive my mother of her grandchild because she gets so much joy out of having her around. My child is supposed to spend the night at their house this weekend, and I'm a nervous wreck about it. If only I could set up a camera and have it wired into my cell phone so I could see what was going on all night.......maybe I just shouldn't let her go over there.

Answer 1

Trust your instincts!! You will never forgive yourself if something happens to your child and you had a gut feeling not to let her stay but did anyway. You also need to explain to her in the very near future that nobody is aloud to touch her in her private areas unless its mom and she is getting a bath. Is there anyway your mom can come and stay at your home?? Whatever the event this weekend, its not worth your childs well being, your job as a parent is to protect her at all costs. And one other thought, most kids who are sexually abused, did not have to be left alone in the house or it did not have to be night time, there was an adult around the house in many cases and a child was being molested right under another person nose and still was able to pull it off.

Answer 2

I was a married yet single parent of three children for the entire time I was married to their father. When they were little I did daycare in home from 7 to 5 and then worked part time M W F and every other weekend. I took my daughter to gymnastics, scouts and swimming and the boys played ball on alternating nights. My daughter was also in choir. My husband went to one inning of a baseball game once. Everyone thought I was divorced. It was hell. My kids still ask me how I did that, I have no idea. I never saw my husband, he was always "working". I went through a severe depression and cut way back on the kids activities, quit doing day care and got a full time job so I could have my weekends free. That helped. I had no social life either. When I got divorced after the last kid was in college, I started calling some of my girlfriends that fell by the wayside and reconnected with them. It was really wonderful to rekindle some of those relationships. Living alone for the first time in my life at 45 was liberating and not nearly as scary as I imagined. I don't know why I didn't kick his worthless bum to the curb long before I did. Oh well, its never too late to do the right thing. I have been divorced for 6 years. Met my current husband just over two years ago and we have been married 6 months. I am very happy. We have grandchildren and our lives are all ours. You have some years to put in. If your husband doesn't do anything you are doing the same thing I did. My advice is: Don't. If you aren't happy, change something in your life. Shake it up. Make it count.

Answer 3

Don't let her go! I didn't even have to read the rest of your question, once you indicated that you did not trust him, it also indicated that you have NEVER trusted him. SO, why would you expect your child to trust someone YOU don't trust? Let's be honest he's more than a "bit odd" or you wouldn't feel the way you do about him being around your child. Do yourself and your child a favor and keep her at home or find a reputable babysitter. Take it from me, I had a uncomfortable feeling about a family friend for several years. He always asked how my daughters were doing, although he was 30 years older than my children. Several years ago,we found out that he was not only molesting his nieces, but other little girls as young as 8 years old. You have two choices, cry now and keep her home, or cry later for letting her go and possibly be molested, raped or violated in some kind of way. Please, DON'T DO IT! If you are to the point whereas you want to set up a camera, that alone should tell you that your gut instinct is right---KEEP THE CHILD HOME AND SAFE! By the way, you can go to http://www.familywatchdog.us/ to check if he's an offender. put in the address where he lives or your address and watch what happens.

Answer 4

Any private detective will tell you that if you're hiring one of them... 99% of the time whatever you are suspecting will turn out to be true... You should NEVER ignore what your gut tells you about another person. If your gut is telling you that something is off then most likely it is! If I were you I would not allow my child to spend the night at my mother's house anymore. Your job as a parent is to be your child's advocate. This is a difficult job because you always run the risk of offending someone, but I would ask myself this...Which situation can you and more importantly your child live with?? Your mother & stepfather being offended? or something happening to your daughter because you ignored your instincts? There are some things in life that you cannot take back...better that in this case you hurt someones' feelings than have your daughter scarred for life. Good Luck...

Answer 5

I don't know if you have this available in your state or not. I live in Wisconsin, and we have an open records law. There is a website called Wisconsin Circuit Court Access (or CCAP). All you need is the name and a birthdate, and it will bring up his whole criminal history -- including speeding tickets. Be advised that if he has a name that is easily mispelled, you may need to try different spellings. Many states also have sex offender registries that you can also research.

I have a four year old and a two year old and know exactly how you feel. My kids stay at my mother in-laws house during the day(with her boyfriend, my sister in-law, and my sister in-law's boyfriend). I did a check on the sister in law's boyfriend. He turned out clean. He also works all day and my mother in law is always home.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with how you feel -- I would worry more if you did not think about these things. Never under estimate your instincts. You didn't mention how old your child is. Is she old enough to understand appropriate behaviors? Would she tell you if something strange was going on? If you answer all these questions and do your research and still don't feel comfortable, do not allow her to sleep over at your mother's house, period. I admit I'm a little worried that your mother's been married to this guy for 10 years and you still don't feel comfortable with him.

Answer 6

This is your child. A mothers instict is always right and i don't care what people say. Don't let your child over there. Just take her in the day time when you can and stay. Tell them she is grounded or something. Some old men are pervs. My grandfather was and still havent forgave him and he is dead. I never liked being around him. You need to talk to your child about what molestation is and were people should not touch her and if so she must tell you cuz it's wrong. Make sure you go into detail like tell her if somone touchs you in your girl area wiich is hers and noone should see it but you cuz your her mom of course. And if someone does tell you. I know when my baby gets older im going to hate it. I pray its a boy but i have a feeling it's a girl. And if i was ever in your situation i would be like oh well this is how i feel . Ask her has he ever done anything to her when there by herself Sometimes a kid may refer it to a game or something cuz they don't know better. and if she don't want to go thats a sighn and withdrawing away and not being herself. I pray that she has not been molested in anyway and people who do moleste children will be have to deal with god or they should have there &$&#* cut off. lol Hve a nice day

Answer 7

I have been in the same position for 8 years! My mothers live in boyfriend is WEIRD. He has been divorced 3 times, and has 8 kids of his own. He is a complete LOSER. I ended up just telling my mother that if she wants to see her grandkids again she will follow my requests. She knows I do not like him, so I basically told her that if my children were EVER left alone with him it would be the last time she ever saw them. It was harsh and she did fight, but she got the point. I told her that I want her to be able to enjoy her grandkids and i want them to have a relationship, but I haven't got the trust in him that I do with her. She did understand finally. Also my kids are getting to the age where they tell me things... If your daughter is old enough DRILL her! My seven and 5 year old will give me minute by minute details of their day at grandma's.... and I have never had a problem with this since. Good luck to you and I hope this helps!

Answer 8

This is one of the toughest areas of parenthood. I say go with your instincts. Don't let your daughter or any other of your children stay overnight without you there if you are in the slightest concerned that there is anything in the environment (like guns, or a weird step-grandfather) that could potentially harm them.

Don't get your nighties in a knot about it either; you don't need to discuss it, mention your concerns, or even think about it any more. Just matter-of-factly make sure that it doesn't take place--ever.

Invite your mom to stay over at your house, and treat her like royalty when she visits. I did lots of things like this when my daughter was small. At the time I never gave it a second thought, and now I don't regret any of it in the slightest.

Answer 9

She shouldn't go over there, based on your information above. It doesn't matter if you look like the bad guy. Ask your mom to come over and spend the night at your house. Sleep on the couch and give her your bed if necessary. Protection of the child is more important than pleasing your parents.

Answer 10

don't let him near your kids!!!! Listen to your gut and don't let anybody try to talk you out of it. Don't cave to your mother.

DON'T LET YOUR CHILD SPEND THE NIGHT!!!!! Why take a chance? Your children are your responsibility and it doesn't matter what anybody else thinks.