why does the law gives a chance to a father not to see his child but imposes on the child to see his father?

Question

My daughter has never met her dad and has never had a choice about it as he refused to know her. we were told you cannot force him to care He now wants to meet her but she is too young to make a choice (only 4) She also has a daddy in her life that has raised her. How can I make him understand that it is only fair to give her a choice on whether she wants to meet him or not and that he has to wait until she's old enough to decide

Answer 1

isnt the law a wonderfull thing for the wrong reason my grandsons father walked away when he was five weeks old came back took my daughter to court and he got access straight away for her own reasons my daughter does not want to have anything to do with the ex so i am now with the child when the visit is on a year on there is no closeness between fathere and child it is a visit of crying and no i dont like you the whole time the father is there he should have stayed a way and left the wee boy happy

Answer 2

If he is only asking to meet her then I don't see the harm. If he's asking to be a part of her life like taking her places or having her spend the night at his place then that's a different matter all together. Does he pay child support? Does have any visitation rights but up until now has not honored them. Does your daughter know that she has 'another' father. I feel believe that regardless of age your daughter will some day want to meet her biological father and the younger the better.

Answer 3

I think meeting up with your ex and having a civcal conversation about this would help, this way you could both tell your sides eg: whats his agenda for wanting to see her after 4 years and you could say your part of your child has a stable father figure in her life and that's not going to alter and she will still call your partner daddy, however if you both agree that he can meet your daughter maybe meet in a cafe and don't introduce him as daddy she already has one and he will have to accept that but rather by his name Paul, frank etc make it clear he cant just be daddy

Answer 4

your daughter can't make an educated decision at this time because she is way too young. So long as she is safe, she should see her father if he is wanting to spend time with her. If this doesn't happen now, a chance may be lost and it will be too late when she is older and world weary with things she has been just told and not experienced for herself. If you just let it happen, she may well develop a relationship with someone who is now ready and able to make a difference in her life. It makes her step father no less important. He is a very special man that she will always love.

Answer 5

It's up to you if you want her to see him or not she's way too young to make a decision like this. I don't see why after 4 years he all of a sudden wants to be involved with her life. As you said she has a daddy in her life. Since she's so young she may be confused if you have her meet her biological father. Good Luck.

Answer 6

Hello,
it's a fact of life that we all have to put up with the decisions the law makers force us to believe, that the laws are there for our own benefit and guidance.....and your baby girl is no exception to that law. So, it is quite another thing for you to maintain that the law has to be complied with, and you now have to confront the baby's real Daddy, that her needs are catered for as far as having a daddy close to her, in her present life, and her young life diesn't need any further complications in it that may disturb the happiness she has found in her young and tender years, I am more than certain that in this case, it's a matter of, what she never had, she sure isn't going to miss, and if her happy life as it is now, continues, she will continue not to miss what she never had.. I sure hope this helps in maintaing tha happiness that is in your little family right now, and anyway, you all have the Law on your side, so tell her 'real out of your family Daddy' that, and that he should go and continue his life making another family for himself, and maybe hang around longer to get to know his next child, so that child will know, he is its Daddy...... good luck to the loving family your little girl is loving now, long may it grow, to love you all even more and even longer.
................Tony M

Answer 7

As much as I couldn't stand my son's father, I would never deprive him of his father. Your daughter's biological father sounds like he needed time to grow up and come to his senses. Thank goodness he did. Your daughter will resent you if you don't let her know the man that was a part of what brought her into this world. When she gets older, then let her decide. Don't be the one that she blames later on in life for her not be able to get to know her father.

The only reason I would keep her away from him is if you think he will sexually, physically or emotionally abuse her.

Answer 8

My mother made that choice for me when i was a girl and for the same reason, only out of love and not wanting to confuse me and I had a stepfather who loved me and had actually adopted me. When I got old enough he wanted to see me again and he told me he had tried when i was younger. Who do you think I was upset with. I always thought that it was not her decision to make and that I should have been given the opportunity to meet my natural father. It turned out that he was awful and she was right but I still wished I wouldnt have spent all those years building up for a let down. We often underestimate the ability of our children to see good and bad in people. I think that you should probably let him see her (supervised of course) so that she doesnt spend the next 14 years of her life wondering about him.

Answer 9

He may have decided rashly before. What he is asking for is a second chance to know his daughter. While she has a daddy in her life, she could possibly benefit from knowing her real father. Try setting up a supervised visit as a compromise. He may have actually changed.

Answer 10

you have to allow him to meet her. if you don't it will come back on you when she gets older. she's still young enough for her to not know what's going on. you need to let them meet. i'm not saying that he can take her somewhere. all i'm saying is that you both meet somewhere like the park or something so she is given the opportunity to meet her dad. i know it's not fair but, you have to take your emotions and feelings toward him out of it because when she gets older she will be asking alot of questions about him, and ultimately she will blame you for not letting her get to know her dad.