what is best joke?

Answer 1

A carpet layer had just put the finishing touches to a big wall-to-wall job. It had taken all day. Now, as he stepped back to admire his handiwork, he was horrified to notice a small lump right in the middle of the room. In a flash, he realized what had happened. His pack of cigarettes was in none of his pockets. Not one to panic, he made sure nobody was watching, then picked up his hammer and pounded on the lump until the carpet was level. Pleased with himself, he went into the kitchen for his tool kit -- and there on the table was his pack of cigarettes.

Just then a little boy's voice was heard upstairs: "Mommy, where's the cat?"

Answer 2

Blond jokes are the best jokes ever! I get a lot of crap from people when I tell blond jokes just because (get this) I'M BLOND! Big shocker... anyways... I've always enjoyed laughing at myself so I think blond jokes are awesome.
Here's a couplefor you:
How do you kill a blond?
Put a scratch and sniff sticker on the bottom of a pool and tell them it smells like roses.
How do you confuse a blond?
Put them in a circle room and tell them to sit in the corner.

Answer 3

A drunk joke?
A man sitting at the bar is in a drunken stuper informs the bartender, '' i'm going to da bafrum".

A couple minutes pass and the bartender hears screams from the bathroom, dismisses it. couple minutes later another yelp and scream. He decides to go have a look. Walks into the bathroom, and the drunk guy is sitting there and says, '' what the hell is wong wif this toilet" everytime I flush the thing, sumthin grabs my balls " . Bartender replies. " your sitting on the mopbucket

Answer 4

George and Martha, a long married couple, are driving down the road at a fair clip when a police car pulls behind them and turns on his lights.

Seeing the police, George turns to Martha and say "now Martha, let me handle this - you know how you always muck things up!". Martha stews.

The officer approaches the car and informs George that he was driving 10 miles per hour over the speed limit. George exclaims, "why officer, that can't be, my speedometer matched the limit". As this point, Martha harumphs, and says under her breath "I've been telling him to slow down for the last 12 miles".

George turns beet red at Martha's comment, but before he can respond the office tells George that he also has a broken tail light, and he'll need to cite him for it. George begins to argue that it can't be, he checked it just before he left. At this point, Martha interjects again to say "that's not true, I told you about that light last week:. George turns to Martha and says "keep your trap shut woman, all you do is get me in trouble". The officer, just shakes his head and writes the tickets. When he rips the tickets out of his book and hands them to George, he leans in the car and asks - "do you two always argue this much".

Martha pipes right up! "No......only when he's been drinking".

Answer 5

A koala bear goes to a whore-house. He goes upstairs and does his thing (you know what I mean). So then he tries to leave but the madame stops him and says, "hey, you gotta pay me!". The koala bear says, "no I don't!". So the madame grabs the dictionary and shows him the definition of prostitution, "sexual favors for money". So the koala bear grabs the dictionary from her and shows her the definition of koala bear, "eats bushes and leaves".

Answer 6

What did the doctor say to the patient when the petient said Doctor I have a Spliting headache?

_ Answer: Have you tried super glue?

Answer 7

one day a duck goes to a store and asks the guy behind the counter(Let's call him Bob) the duck says
"Got any grapes?" bob says "no."
the next day the SAME duck asks bob at the store
"Got any grapes." again bob says "No"

this goes on for days and bob gets angrier and angrier, he finally snapped The duck started to ask " Got any gra-" bob SCREAMS "NO!!!!! If You Ask About Grapes Again I Will Staple your mouth Shut!!!!!!!!"

the duck asks "Got any staples?"

Bob sadly sais "No"

then the duck says "Got any grapes?"

Answer 8

What's got a thousand teeth and holds back a monster?

Answer: my zipper!

haw haw haw!

Answer 9

Tony Blair

Answer 10

my favorite one is about this guy named Dalton.



Dalton said - What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?

I said - Turn sideways and look in the mirror.